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Eighteen






THIS IS THE LIST OF WHAT MY LIFE IS NOW:

-studying to get my driver’s license and studying hard to get into college. (This makes my mom happy.)

-lifting weights in the basement.

-running with Legs, who is not only a great dog, but also a great runner.

-reading Dante’s letters (sometimes I get two a week).

-arguing with Gina Navarro and Susie Byrd (about anything).

-trying to find ways of running into Ileana at school.

-looking through microfilms of the El Paso Times at the library trying to find out something about my brother.

-writing in my journal.

-washing my truck once a week.

-having bad dreams. (I keep running Dante down on that rainy street.)

-working twenty hours at the Charcoaler. Flipping burgers isn’t so bad. Four hours on Thursday after school, six hours on Friday nights and eight hours on Saturday. (Dad won’t let me cover extra shifts.)

That list just about covered all my life. Maybe my life isn’t all that interesting but at least I’m busy. Busy doesn’t mean happy. I know that. But at least I’m not bored. Being bored is the worst.

I like having money and I like the fact that I’m not dedicating too much time to feeling sorry for myself.

I get invited to parties and don’t go.

Well, I did go to one party—just to see if Ileana was there. I left the party just as Gina and Susie were arriving. Gina accused me of being a misanthrope. She said I was the only boy in the whole damn school who had never kissed a girl. “And you’ll never kiss one if you leave parties just as they’re starting to get good.”

“Really? ” I said. “I’ve never kissed a girl? And how exactly did you come by this bit of information? ”

“Just a hunch, ” she said.

“You’re trying to get me to tell you things about my life, ” I said. “It’s not going to work.”

“Who have you kissed? ”

“Put a lid on it, Gina.”

“Ileana? I don’t think so. She’s just toying with you.”

I just kept walking and flipped her a bird.

Gina, what was with that girl? Seven sisters and no brothers—that was her problem. I guess she thought she could just borrow me. I could be the brother she could bug. She and Susie Byrd used to go by the Charcoaler on Friday nights around closing time. Just to keep bugging me. Just to piss me off. They’d order their burgers and fries and cherry Cokes and park and honk and wait for me to close up and just bug, bug, bug me and piss me off. Gina was learning to smoke and she’d flash her cigarettes around like she was Madonna.

One time, they had beer. They offered me some. Okay, I had some beers with them. It was fine. It was okay.

Except Gina kept asking me who I’d kissed.

But then I got an idea that would make her just stop hounding me. “You know what I think, ” I said. “I think you want me to lean into you and give you the kiss of your life.”

“That’s disgusting, ” she said.

“Why the interest, then? ” I said. “You’d love to know what I taste like.”

“You’re an idiot, ” she said. “I’d rather have a bird crap in my mouth.”

“Sure you would, ” I said.

Susie Byrd said I was being mean. That Susie Byrd, you always had to be nice around her. If you said the wrong thing, she cried. I didn’t like that crying stuff. She was a nice girl. But she didn’t help herself out with all that crying.

Gina never brought up the subject of kissing ever again. That was the good thing.

Ileana would find me sometimes. She would smile at me and I bit in love with her smile. Not that I knew a damn thing about love.

School was okay. Mr. Blocker was still all about the sharing thing. But he was a good teacher. He made us write a lot. I liked that. For some reason, I was really getting into writing. The only class that I was having a hard time with was my art elective. I couldn’t draw worth a damn. I was pretty good at trees. I sucked at drawing faces. But in art class, all you had to do was try. I was getting an A for work. But not for talent. The story of my life.

I knew I didn’t have it so a dog, a driver’s license, and two hobbies: looking for my brother’s name on microfilm and looking for a way to kiss Ileana.

 


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