Chapter six

(1)

The day after Christmas, the writer drove up the long, curving road to the Athens Mental Health Center for his second interview with Billy Milligan. He had the feeling Billy would be depressed after having spent the holiday in the hospital.

The writer had learned that the week before Christmas, Billy had pressured Dr. Caul to be allowed to spend the holiday with his family at'his sisters house in Logan, Ohio. Caul told him it was too soon—just over two weeks since he’d arrived. But Billy insisted. Other patients at AIT were allowed to go home on brief furloughs. If what his doctor said about treating him like the other patients was true, then he should try to get permission for him to do the same.

Knowing his patient was testing him, and realizing how important it was to gain Billy’s trust and confidence, Caul agreed to make the request. He was certain it would be turned down.

It created a furor at the Adult Parole Authority, at the state Department of Mental Health, and at the prosecutor’s office in Columbus. When Yavitch phoned Gary Schweickart and asked what the hell was going on out there in Athens, Gary said he would try to find out. “But I’m not his attorney anymore, ” he added.

“Well, I’d call his doctor in Athens if I were you, ” Yavitch said, “and tell them to cool it. If anything in the state of Ohio is going to stir up an outcry for new legislation on the controls over the criminally insane, Milligan going out on furlough two weeks after commitment will sure as hell do it.”

As Caul had expected, the request was denied.

As he pushed open the heavy metal door and walked to Billy’s room, the writer noticed that AIT was nearly deserted. He knocked on Billy’s door.

“Just a second, ” came a sleepy voice.

When the door opened, the writer saw that Billy looked as if he’d just gotten out of bed. He seemed confused as he looked at a digital watch on his wrist. “I don’t remember this, ” he said.

He went to his desk and glanced at a paper. Then he showed it to the writer. It was a hospital commissary receipt for twenty-six dollars.

“I don’t remember buying it, ” he said. “Somebody is spending my money—money I’ve been making from selling my paintings. I don’t think that’s right.”

“Maybe the commissary will take it back, ” the writer suggested.

Billy examined it. “I guess I’ll keep it. I need a watch now. It’s not a very good one, but—I’ll see.”

“If you didn’t buy it, who do you think did? ”

He glanced around, bluish-gray eyes scanning the room as if to see whether anyone else was there. “I’ve been hearing strange names.”

“Like what? ”

“ ‘Kevin.’ And ‘Philip.’”

The writer tried not to show his surprise. He had read about the ten personalities, but no one had ever mentioned the names Billy had just given him. The writer checked to make sure the tape recorder was running. “Have you told Dr. Caul about this? ”

“Not yet, ” he said. “I guess I will. But I don’t understand what it means. Who are they? Why am I thinking about them? ”

As Billy spoke, the writer recalled the last passage of the December 18 Newsweek article: “There remain, however, unanswered questions... what about his conversations with his rape victims in which he claimed to be a ‘guerrilla’ and a ‘hit man’? Doctors think that Milligan may have personalities yet unfathomed—and that some of them may have committed undiscovered crimes.”

“Before you say anything more, Billy, I think we ought to set some ground rules. I want to be sure that nothing you tell me can ever be used to hurt you. If you’re ever about to tell me something that you think might be used against you, just say, ‘This is off the record, ’ and I’ll stop the tape recorder. There’ll be nothing in my files to implicate you. If you forget, I’ll stop you and turn off the recorder. Is that clear? ”

Billy nodded.

“Another thing. If you ever plan to break the law in any way, don’t tell me. If you do, I’ll have to go directly to the police. Otherwise I’d be guilty of complicity.”

He looked shocked. “I don’t plan to commit any more crimes.”

“I’m glad to hear that. Now, about those two names.” “Kevin and Philip.”

“What do those names mean to you? ”

Billy looked into the mirror over his desk. " Nothing. I can’t remember. But one thing keeps popping to my mind—the ‘undesirables.’ It has something to do with Arthur, but I don’t know what.”

The writer hunched forward. “Tell me about Arthur. What kind of person is he? ”

“No emotions. He reminds me of Mr. Spock in Star Trek. He’s the kind of person who doesn’t hesitate to complain in a restaurant. He doesn’t bother to explain himself to people, but he gets annoyed when someone doesn’t understand what he’s saying. He just doesn’t have time to be tolerant. Says he has a busy schedule—things to arrange, to plan, to organize.” “Doesn’t he ever relax? ”

“Sometimes he’ll play chess—usually with Ragen, with Allen moving the pieces—but he doesn’t believe in wasting time.”

“You sound as if you don’t like him.”

Billy shrugged. “Arthur isn’t someone you like or dislike. He’s someone you respect.”

“Does Arthur look different from you? ”

“He’s about my height and weight—six foot, a hundred and ninety pounds. But he wears wire-rimmed glasses.”

This second interview lasted three hours, touching on some of the personalities that had been mentioned in the newspapers, facts about Billy’s real family, memories of his childhood. The writer found himself groping for a method of handling the material coming his way. His major problem would be the amnesia. With so many gaps in Billy’s memory, it would be impossible to learn much about his childhood or the crucial seven years when Billy had been asleep and the other personalities were living his life. The writer was determined that although he might dramatize some of the experiences, he would always stick to Billy’s own facts. Except for the unsolved crimes, it would all be as Billy reported it. The problem was, he was afraid it would be a story Pilled with unacceptable holes. And in that case, there could be no book.

(2)

Dr. Caul looked up; loud voices outside his office were distracting him. His secretary was talking to a man with a strong Brooklyn accent.

" Dr. Caul is busy. He can’t see you right now.”

" Cheez, lady, I don’t give a fuck how busy he is. I gotta see him. I got sumpin’ t’give him.”

Caul started out of his chair, but then the door to his office opened and Billy Milligan was standing there.

" You Billy’s shrink? ”

" I’m Dr. Caul.”

“Yeah, well, I’m Philip. Some of us tink you should oughta have dis.” He slapped a sheet of yellow legal paper on the desk, then turned and walked out. Caul glanced at it and saw immediately that it was a long list of names: Billy’s ten personalities and others as well. The last one wasn’t really a name, just “The Teacher.”

He started to follow his patient, but then thought better of it. He picked up the phone and asked to speak to the technician at medical microwave.

" George, ” he said. “I’ve got a session planned for today with Billy Milligan and Dave Malawista. I’d like you to videotape it.”

Then he hung up and studied the list. So many unfamiliar names—twenty-four in all. Caul didn’t dare allow himself to think what was starting to dawn on him. How did one handle something like this? And who in God’s name was “The Teacher”?

After lunch Caul went up to AIT and knocked on the door of Milligan’s room. Seconds later Billy opened it, sleepy-eyed and tousled. “Yeah? ”

“We’ve got a session this afternoon, Billy. C’mon, shake it.” “Yeah, sure. Okay, Dr. Caul.”

Billy followed the energetic little man up the steps and through the door out of AIT.

They walked down the corridor to the modem geriatrics building, past the soft-drink and candy machines, through doors leading to the medical microwave room.

George was inside the conference room, setting up the television camera, and he nodded as Billy and Dr. Caul walked in. On the right, chairs were grouped as if for a nonexistent audience. On the left, just beyond the open accordion doors, stood the television camera and a bank of monitoring equipment. Billy took the chair Caul motioned to, and George helped Billy fasten the cord of the microphone around his neck. At that moment a young dark-haired man entered the room, and Caul turned to greet Dave Malawista, a senior staff psychologist.

George signaled that the TV camera was ready and Caul began the session. “Would you tell us for the record who you are? ”

“Billy.”

“All right, Billy, I need your help to get some information. We know there are some new names of what you've called ‘your people’ that keep coming up. Are there, to your knowledge, any others? ”

Billy looked surprised and glanced from Caul to Malawista and back. “Well, there was a psychologist in Columbus who asked me about someone named ‘Philip.’”

Caul noted that Billy’s knees were moving up and down in a nervous jiggling motion.

“Do the names ‘Shawn’ or ‘Mark’ or ‘Robert’ mean anything to you? ”

Billy thought for a moment, looked distant, his lips moving in inner conversation. Then he mumbled, “I just heard talking in my head. Arthur and somebody were arguing. The names ring out. I don’t know what they mean.” He hesitated. “Arthur said ‘Shawn’ wasn’t retarded. Not mentally. He was bom deaf and he slowed down. He’s not normal for his age... There’s been a war going on in me ever since Dr. Wilbur woke me up and before I went to sleep.”

His lips moved again, and Caul signaled with his eyes for George to pan the camera in closer to get Billy’s facial expression.

“Do you want someone to explain? ” Billy asked nervously.

“Who do you think I should talk to? ”

“I’m not sure. There’s been a lot of mix-up time the last few days. I’m not sure who you could get information out of.” “Can you get off the spot yourself, Billy? ”

Billy looked surprised and a little hurt, as if he felt Dr. Caul was sending him away.

“Now, Billy, I didn’t mean—”

Billy’s eyes glazed. He sat rigid for a few seconds. Then he looked around, as if suddenly wakened and suspiciously alert. He cracked his knuckles and glared.

“You have made quite a few enemies, Dr. Caul.”

“Could you explain that? ”

" Veil, I am not one at the moment. It is Arthur.”

“Why? ”

“There vas penetration by the undesirables.”

“Who are ‘the undesirables’? ”

“Those who vas silenced by Arthur because their functions ver no longer necessary.”

“If they were no longer necessary, why are they still around? ”

Ragen glared at him. “Vat do you vant us to do—murder them? ”

“I see, ” Caul said. “Go on.”

“I am not satisfied vit Arthur’s decisions. He should be protector, too, as veil as me. I cannot do everything.”

“Could you tell me more about these undesirables? Are they violent? Criminals? ”

“I am only violent one. And then only for reason.” Suddenly he noticed the watch on his wrist and looked surprised.

“Is that your watch? ” Caul asked.

“I have no idea vere it come from. Billy must have bought it ven I vas not looking. As I say, the others are not thieves.” He smiled. “Arthur is stuck-up type person about the undesirables, and the other people ver told never to mention them. They ver to be kept secret.”

“Why wasn’t it revealed before that there are others? ”

“No one ever asked.”

“Never? ”

He shrugged. “Maybe they ask Billy or David, who did not know they existed. The undesirables ver not to be revealed until total trust was available.”

“Then why were they revealed to me? ”

“Arthur is losing domination. Undesirables are now in rebellion and decided to reveal themselves to you. Kevin wrote list. Is very necessary step. But is bad to reveal too much ven there is still lack of trust. Ve lost defense mechanism. I vas sworn to secrecy not to tell, but I vould not lie.”

“Whats going to happen, Ragen? ”

“Ve vill be solidified. All together. In complete control. There vill be no more amnesia. Only one vill be dominant.” “Who will that be? ”

“The Teacher.” |

“Who is the Teacher? ”

“He is very likable person. He has good and bad, as most humans. You know Billy as he is now. His emotions change by circumstances. The Teacher keeps his own name silent, but I know who Teacher is. If you know who Teacher is, you vould definitely classify us all as insane.”

“What is that? ”

“You have met parts of the Teacher, Dr. Caul. Let me put it this vay. The main question is, How did all of us learn the things ve know? From the Teacher. He taught Tommy electronics and escape. He taught Arthur biology and physics and chemistry. He taught me about veapons and how to control adrenaline for maximum power. He taught us all to draw and paint. The Teacher knows all.”

“Ragen, who is the Teacher? ”

“The Teacher is Billy all in one piece. But Billy does not know. ”

“Why are you on the spot now telling me this, Ragen? ” “Because Arthur is angry. He made mistake of relaxing control, letting Kevin and Philip reveal undesirables. Arthur is intelligent, but he is only human. Now is rebellion inside.” Caul motioned to Malawista to pull his chair closer. “Do you mind if Dave Malawista joins us? ”

“Billy vas nervous in front of both of you, but I have no fear.” Ragen glanced around at the coiled wires and the electronic equipment and shook his head. “This looks like Tommy’s playroom.”

“Could you tell me more about the Teacher? ” Malawista asked.

“Let me put it this vay. Billy was child prodigy ven he vas little. He vas all of us in one. He does not know that now.” “Then why did he need you? ” Malawista asked.

" I vas created for physical protection.”

“But you know, don’t you, that you are really just a figment of Billy s imagination.”

Ragen leaned back and smiled. “I have been told. I have accepted that I am figment of Billy’s imagination, but Billy has not accepted that. Billy has failed at many things. That is vy there are undesirables.”

“Do you think Billy should know he’s the Teacher? ” Malawista asked.

“It vould upset him to know. But ven you talk to Teacher, you vill be talking to Billy all in one person.” Ragen examined the watch again. “Is not fair to spend Billy’s money vithout him knowing it. But this vill let him know how much time he loses.”

Caul said, “Ragen, don’t you think it’s time all of you faced reality and worked on your problems? ”

“I don’t have problem, I am part of problem.”

“How do you think Billy would react if he learned he was the Teacher? ”

“It vould destroy him if he finds out.”

At the next therapy session, Ragen told Dr. Caul that he and Arthur, after a long and heated discussion, had agreed that Billy should be told he was the Teacher. Arthur had felt, at first, that the shock would be too much for Billy to bear and that it would drive him insane if he found out. Now both of them agreed that if Billy was to get well, it was necessary for him to know the truth.

Caul was pleased with the decision. Ragen’s report of the conflict between himself and Arthur and of the rebellion of the undesirables suggested that things were reaching a crisis point. The time had come, he felt, for Billy to see the others and to learn that he was the one who had amassed all the knowledge, learned all the skills and passed them on. It would strengthen him to learn that he was the Teacher.

Caul asked to speak to Billy, and when he saw the knees jiggling and knew who he was speaking to, he told him of the decision made by Arthur and Ragen. Caul saw the combination of excitement and fear as Billy nodded and said he was ready? The doctor put the tape cartridge into the recorder, adjusted the sound and then settled back to watch his patient’s reactions.

Billy, smiling self-consciously, watched himself on the monitor. When he saw the image of his jiggling legs and noticed he was still doing it, he put his hands on both knees to stop them. And when the monitor showed his lips moving silently, he put his hand to his mouth, eyes wide, not really comprehending. Then came Ragens face, looking exactly like his own, and Ragens voice, for the first time not in his own head but out there on the screen. And the words: “You have made quite a few enemies, Dr. Caul.”

To this moment Billy had accepted on faith what others had told him—that he was a multiple personality—even though nothing inside him made him feel that was true. All he had known until now was that occasionally he heard voices and he lost time. He had believed what the doctors told him, but he never felt it. Now for the first time he saw it with his own eyes, and for the first time he understood.

He watched in fearful fascination as Ragen spoke of the twenty-four names on the paper and of the undesirables. His mouth stayed open as Ragen spoke of the Teacher, who had taught everyone all they knew. But who was the Teacher?

“The Teacher is Billy all in one piece. Billy does'not know he is Teacher, ” Ragen said from the screen.

Caul watched as Billy went limp. He looked weak. He was sweating.

Billy walked out of the medical microwave room and took the stairs up to the third floor. People passed and greeted him, but he didn’t respond. He walked through the nearly empty lobby of AIT. Suddenly weak and trembling, he dropped into an easy chair.

He was the Teacher.

He was the one with the intelligence_y the artistic talent, the strength, the escape-artist abilities.

He tried to understand it. At first, there had been only the core Billy, the one who was bom and who had the birth certificate. Then he had broken into many parts, but all the while behind these many parts there was a presence without a name—someone that Ragen had said was the Teacher. In a sense, the unseen, fragmented, spiritlike thing called the Teacher had created all the others, children as well as monsters—and therefore he alone bore the responsibility for their crimes.

If the twenty-four people fused into one, that would be the Teacher. That would be the whole Billy. What would it feel like? Would he know it? Dr. Caul had to meet the Teacher. It was important for the therapy. And the writer needed the Teacher, too, to learn everything that had happened...

He closed his eyes and felt a strange warmth flow up from his legs to his trunk and out to his arms, up to his shoulders and his head. He felt himself vibrating and pulsing. He looked down and saw the spot, the bright white light that hurt his eyes. And looking down, he knew they had to take the spot, all of them, all together at once, and then they were on the spot and he was on the spot and in the spot... and through the spot... falling... hurtling through inner space... all the people flowing together... sliding together... interlocking...

And then he was out the other side.

He clasped his hands and held them in front to look at them. Now he knew why he hadn’t been completely fused before. The others hadn’t been revealed. All the others he had created, all their actions, thoughts, memories, from Billy’s early childhood to this moment, now came back to him. He knew the successful ones as well as the failures—the undesirables Arthur had tried to control and then vainly to hide. He now knew his history: their absurdities, their tragedies, their undisclosed crimes. And he also knew that as he thought of something or remembered it and spoke of it to the writer, the twenty-three others would come to know it, too, and would learn the story of their own lives. Once knowing, amnesia erased, they could never be the same again. That made him sad, as if he had lost something. But for how long?

He sensed someone walking down the lobby, and turned to see who was coming toward him. Parts of himself, he knew, had met the little doctor.

Dr. Caul walked through the AIT lobby toward the nurses’ station and saw what he thought at first was Billy, sitting in the chair outside the TV room. But the moment his patient stood and turned, Caul knew it wasn’t Billy or any of the personalities he had seen before. There was an easiness to the stance, a disarmingly open gaze. Caul guessed something had happened, and he felt it was important to show the patient his doctor was sensitive enough to know without asking or being told. He had to risk it. Caul folded his arms across his chest and looked directly into the penetrating eyes.

“You’re the Teacher, aren’t you? I’ve been expecting you.” The Teacher looked down at him and nodded, a quiet strength in his half smile. “You’ve stripped away all my defenses, Dr. Caul.”

“I didn’t do it. You know that. It was time.”

“Things can’t ever be the same again.”

“Do you want them to? ”

“I guess not.”

“So now you’ll be able to tell the writer the whole story. How far back can you recall? ”

The Teacher looked at him steadily. “Total recall. I remember Billy being brought back to the hospital in Florida when he was a month old and nearly died because there was an obstruction in his throat. I remember his real father, Johnny Morrison, the Jewish comedian and master of ceremonies, who committed suicide. I remember Billy’s first imaginary playmate.”

Caul nodded, smiling, and patted his arm. “ItVgood to have you with us, Teacher. We’ve, all got a lot to learn.”

BOOK TWO

BECOMING THE TEACHER