The Master and Margarita. Thank you very much, said the bartender, lowering himself onto thé stool, the back leg of which then caved in with a crash

" Thank you very much, " said the bartender, lowering himself onto thé stool, the back leg of which then caved in with a crash. The bartender let out a groan and hit his rump painfully against the floor. As he fell, his leg upset another stool nearby, spilling a full glass of red wine all over his trousers.

The artiste exclaimed, " Oops! Did you hurt yourself? "

Azazello helped the bartender get up and offered him another seat. In a grief-stricken voice the bartender refused his host's suggestion that he remove his trousers and dry them in front of the fire. Feeling extremely uncomfortable in his wet underwear and clothes, he sat down gingerly on the other stool.

" I love sitting low to the ground, " said the artiste, " because then falling off isn't so dangerous. Now then, we were talking about the sturgeon, were we not? My dear fellow! Freshness, freshness, and more freshness—that should be every buffet manager's motto. Yes, well, wouldn't you like to have a taste..."

Here, in the crimson glow of the fireplace a sword flashed in front of the bartender, and Azazello put a sizzling piece of meat on a gold platter. He sprinkled it with lemon juice and handed the bartender a two-pronged gold fork.

" Thank you very much... but I..."

" No, no, try it! "

Out of politeness the bartender put a piece in his mouth and realized immediately that he was eating something that was truly very fresh and, what's more, unusually tasty. But even so, as the bartender chewed the fragrant, succulent meat, he almost choked and fell a second time. A large dark bird flew in from the adjoining room, softly brushing its wing against the bartender's bald head. Alighting on the mantelpiece, next to the dock, it turned out to be an owl. " Oh, my God! " thought Andrei Fokich, who, like all bartenders, was nervous and edgy. " This is some apartment! "

" A glass of wine? White? Red? Which imported wine do you prefer at this hour? "

" Thank you... but I don't drink..."

" How unfortunate! How about a game of dice? Or do you like some other games? Dominoes? Cards? "

" I don't play, " replied the already weary bartender.

" That's the limit, " concluded the host. " There is, if you don't mind my saying so, something sinister about men who avoid wine, games, the company of charming women, and good dinner-table conversation. People like that are either seriously ill or they secretly disdain their fellow men. True, there are exceptions. Among those who have feasted with me there have sometimes been extraordinary cadsl And so, tell me what brings you here."

" Yesterday you had occasion to perform some tricks..."

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" I? " the magician exclaimed in amazement. " I beg your pardon. That isn't my sort of thing! "

" Sorry, " said the bartender, taken aback. " But what about the performance of black magic..."

" Oh that, well, of course! My dear man! I'll tell you a secret: I'm not a stage performer at all. I just wanted to see the citizens of Moscow en masse, and the easiest way to do it was in a theater. So my retinue here, " he nodded at the cat, " arranged the performance, while I merely sat and watched the Muscovites. But don't look like that. Just tell me what it was about the performance that brought you here."

" If you recall, among other things, paper money flew down from the ceiling..." the bartender lowered his voice and looked around in embarrassment. " Well, everybody started grabbing the bills. And a young man comes up to me at the bar and gives me a ten-ruble bill, and I give him eight-fifty in change... Then someone else..."

" Also a young man? "

" No, an older man. Then a third came, a fourth... I give them all change. And today when I went to check the cash register, I look and what do I see but strips of paper instead of money. The bar was a hundred and nine rubles short."

" Dear oh dear! " exclaimed the artiste. " Can they truly have thought it was real money? I can't believe they did it on purpose."