Chapter Four

ALTHOUGH IT FELT like it dragged on forever, the first full week of school finally ground to a halt. On Sunday afternoon, Ridley pulled up outside Café De Marco earlier than scheduled. Once again, she didn't want to appear too eager, so she parked on the street next to the side of the building and waited for fifteen minutes until the dashboard clock read thirty-five minutes past one. Only then did she allow herself to go inside the restaurant.

As Dana had promised, the hostess was expecting her and without delay, she led the way through the dining room and then through a set of double doors into the kitchen. Once inside, she asked Ridley to stand out of the way while she let Dana know she was there.

Ridley had no trouble finding Dana amidst the flurry of kitchen activities. She stood out in her starched white chef's jacket, a pair of baggy black and white checkered pants and black clogs. With each passing day, Ridley had begun to wonder whether she'd been unduly impressed that night she'd first met Dana. A handful of factors could have altered her initial assessment--one glass of wine too many, the excitement of an evening out with friends or even the subdued lighting playing tricks on her senses. But now, with Dana in plain view and cast in the light of day, she realized she hadn't embellished a thing. In fact, Dana was more beautiful and more attractive than she'd even remembered.

While the hostess whispered in Dana's ear, Ridley waited near the door and when Dana turned and dissolved her with her smile, she beamed with delight.

Dana hurried over to her. " Hi. You're here."

" I've been looking forward to this all week, " Ridley readily confessed in spite of her resolve to come off as cool and reserved.

" And we've been looking forward to having you, " Dana said. Her eyes roamed over Ridley before they settled on her silver bracelet with turquoise stones. " I love your bracelet. Where did you get it? "

Ridley lifted her wrist to afford Dana a closer inspection. " I bought it while I was on vacation in New Mexico a couple of years ago."

" I've never been there. How was it? "

" It was beautiful. The weather was perfect and this may sound strange, but it smelled better than any place I've ever been to. I forgot the names of all of them, but they have these shrubs and trees that fill the air with the most wonderful fragrances. A friend and I went to Albuquerque, Santa Fe, Taos and a few other places in between."

" That sounds like a nice trip. Do you like Mexican food? "

" I love it as long as it isn't too God-awful hot."

" How hot is too hot for you? " Dana asked.

" I don't like to have numb lips and I don't like to have my mouth on fire for a couple of hours. I like it when it just reaches the center of my ears. No hotter than that." Today, Dana's eyes were almost black and the light streaming in from the window brought out the natural sheen of her hair. Ridley's breathing increased as she thought about running her hands through it. " You look busy today."

" Welcome to a restaurant kitchen." Dana said. " We're always busy, but this isn't as bad as usual. Come with me. I want you to meet my sous-chef, Tracy Mathis. She made the desserts you guys had at dinner and the food, too, of course." Dana held Ridley by the arm and led her to the other side of the kitchen.

" Tracy, Ridley's here."

" Ridley Kelsen, nice to meet you, " Tracy greeted her. After she wiped her hands on a red dishtowel tucked into the waistband of her pants, Tracy shook Ridley's hand. Her white jacket was the same as Dana's, but her pants were covered in a colorful red and green chili pepper print. She was tall and thin and short tufts of poker-straight brown hair jutted out from a bandana tied around her head, a bandana made of the same chili pepper print as the pants she wore.

" Nice to meet you, too, " Ridley said. Ridley noticed that a section of Tracy's hair in the front had been turned white from an accidental dusting of flour or powdered sugar.

" I'm sorry I didn't have time to come out and talk to you guys when you came for dinner on Saturday, " Tracy said. " I was too damn busy to leave the kitchen."

" Don't worry about it." An unwelcomed realization ripped its way through Ridley's mind and sent her insides into a knot. This very cute and clearly gay woman must be Dana's girlfriend. How could she have been stupid enough to assume Dana was unattached in the first place? It would be rare for a woman as fine as she was to be single unless it was someone who preferred to play the field and had no interest in settling down with anyone.

" I thought if I stayed in here, Dana would have more time with her friends."

" What on earth does a sous-chef do? " Ridley asked Tracy.

" I supervise the kitchen staff and the daily food preparation. I guess you could call me Dana's right hand woman." Tracy's eyes connected with Dana's and they shared the type of glance shared by two people who knew each other well and cared for each other.

" She sure is, in more ways than one, " Dana said.

" How long have you two known each other? "

Ridley asked. The fondness between them was palpable and seeing the way they interacted with each other convinced her that they were more than just friends.

" A long time, " Dana answered. " We met in college."

" Is that where you both studied the culinary arts?

" Yes, " Dana said. " You don't need a formal education to open your own restaurant or to call yourself a chef--something I think is all too obvious when you eat in some places, by the way."

" Boy, you're right about that, " Tracy said. " We both thought it was important to learn all the classic cooking techniques. It comes in handy if you want to work in a really good restaurant."

" Or have a really good restaurant, " Dana added.

Ridley watched the interchange between the two women with interest. The more Dana talked about being a chef, the more her face brightened and the more exhilarated she became. Her eyes sparkled, her skin glowed and her chef's hat sat on her head at a jaunty angle. Ridley found her enthusiasm quite contagious.

" Tracy's right, " Dana said. " That education made me a much better chef and learning about restaurant management helped me so much when it came to opening this restaurant."

" I absolutely agree, " Tracy said. " And I'm glad I got certified as a pastry chef, too."

Ridley wagged her index finger at Tracy. " That's a wicked thing to be certified in. The pineapple upside down cake I had on Saturday was out of this world." It was easy to see how happy her compliment made Tracy. Her face said it all.

" I'm glad you enjoyed it. I wanted to put a new spin on an old homey dessert."

" You should try her other desserts." Dana patted Tracy on the back, her face brimming with pride.

" Every one of them is to die for."

" I'll bet, but what a way to go, " Ridley said.

" Death by dessert, " Tracy replied. " That's always been my philosophy. You know, life is short, eat dessert first and all that."

" I basically agree with that philosophy, although I try not to indulge too often for the sake of my waistline, " Ridley said.

" You don't look like you have a problem with that, " Dana said.

" Not so far, but I'd like to keep it that way, " Ridley said before steering the conversation in another direction. " Owning a restaurant has to be hard work. I don't know if I could do it."

" It can take over your whole life if you let it, " Dana said. " Tracy and I decided we weren't willing to sacrifice everything for this. We're both able to run this place without the other one having to be here if either of us needs to take time off."

Tracy added, " We only serve dinner Tuesday through Saturday and on Sundays, we only do brunch. After brunch is over, we're closed for the rest of the day and we don't stay here and do work either. We really take the evening off."

" We're closed on Mondays, " Dana added. " And I don't come down here at all unless I need something from the kitchen."

" Dana's the best boss, " Tracy interjected. " I admire her as a chef and for the way she runs her restaurant. Everything we serve is top quality and she cares about what she puts in front of the customers from the soup to the nuts, so to speak."

" I feel strongly that every part of the meal has to be excellent, " Dana said. " I won't have it any other way. I hate when a restaurant serves a good main course but has bad side dishes or when they put little or no effort into their salads and desserts."

" Even our bread is the best around, " Tracy added.

" And Dana's nice to work for. She gets excited sometimes but it doesn't make her irritable or mean. She's nice to everyone."

Dana put her arm around Tracy and drew her in for a side hug. " You're not so bad yourself, you know. How could I do all this without you? "

" Speaking of which..., " Tracy said, addressing Ridley. " I'd better get back to work. I hope I see you again, sometime soon."

" Yeah, me too, " Ridley said. " It was nice talking to you."

Dana grabbed Ridley's wrist. " Come on, I'll introduce you to the others."

AFTER THE INTRODUCTIONS and a brief tour of the kitchen, Dana left Ridley perched on a stool to observe as she and the other chefs plated their culinary creations in a controlled frenzy of practiced synchronicity. Like twin conductors who had memorized every note of the music and knew every nuance of the melody, Dana and Tracy orchestrated everything that went on in the kitchen and every now and then, one of them handed Ridley a small plate with a sample sized portion of one of the dishes. She tasted puffy apple French toast drizzled with a cinnamon infused cranberry syrup, a small serving of moist and creamy scrambled eggs garnished with herbs and goat cheese and accompanied by the most delicious hash browns she'd ever eaten.

" No more after this, " Ridley said when Dana handed her a small pecan pancake topped with hot maple syrup and a pinch of orange zest. " Everything is delicious and I want to try it all, but I'm afraid I can't eat anymore."

" That means you'll have to come again, " Dana said.

" I'd love to. The food is fantastic, but I'd come here just for the smells." The kitchen was permeated with the most wonderful sweet and savory aromas and every one of them made Ridley's mouth water. She could identify onions, garlic and peppers sauté ing in butter and the salty smokiness of bacon. Now and then, little scented pockets of air floated by her carrying spicy scents like rosemary, thyme and nutmeg or sweet smells like apples caramelizing in brown sugar and butter. No matter what smells drifted by Ridley's nose, the essence of lemons, oranges and cinnamon were always present and she wondered if they'd become permanently imbedded in the kitchen's walls and counters.

Before long, the last customers were served and brunch was over. Dana removed her apron and hung it over a hook on the wall. After she washed and dried her hands, she said goodbye to Tracy and the kitchen staff and came over to Ridley. " Are you in a hurry to get somewhere? "

" No. I don't have to be anywhere, " Ridley replied.

" Why don't you come upstairs and see where I live? "

" I'd love to." Ridley waved her farewell to Tracy and followed Dana through the back door and up a flight of stairs to the second floor apartment. " Laurie and Karen never told me you lived on top of your restaurant. I had no idea where you lived."

" It's very convenient and I love that I don't have to drive to work." Dana kicked off her clogs on a mat near the front door and pointed to the sofa. " Why don't you sit down? Would you like something to drink? I'm going to have some iced tea."

Ridley sat on one end of the sofa. " That sounds good to me."

Dana returned with two glasses of iced tea. She handed one to Ridley and then she sat down on the opposite end of the sofa and drank half of hers. " That's so refreshing. I didn't realize how thirsty I was." She propped her feet up on the coffee table. " It feels good to get off my feet. You have to stand all day in my line of work."

" Your place is nice. I love the wall color."

" Thanks. They called it " solitude" and I thought it was cool and soothing. The painters just finished last week. I bought more furniture than this, but it won't be delivered until the middle of next week and I'm still not finished unpacking some of my things."

" That takes time. Are you renting this building? "

" Believe it or not, I own it thanks to my more than generous father. He told me he considers it my early inheritance." Dana glowed as she spoke of her father. " I wouldn't have any of this if it weren't for him. I saved as much as I could, but no matter how much I put aside, it wouldn't have been enough to get this restaurant started, not without taking out a huge loan. I still had to borrow money, but it was a loan I can easily pay off."

" Aren't you the lucky one? "

" I am. My dad's a great guy."

" He must be awfully proud of you." Ridley thought of her own father and wondered if he would have been proud of her if he were still alive.

" He is. He's told me so more than once. He's banking on the fact that I'll be successful and he said he wanted to help me now so he could see how his money was being spent. I think he was joking about that last part."

" I'm sure he was, but what he said makes a lot of sense, " Ridley said.

" I agree. He paid for most of the restaurant renovations and he and my mother got a huge kick out of helping me design and decorate it. That allowed me to use my own money to fix up my apartment and get new furniture."

" Well, everything came out great. It's all very nice."

" Thanks. Tracy and I love it. She lives here too."

" Oh... I didn't know." Ridley nearly choked as her last swallow of iced tea started heading down the wrong pipe. That clinched it. They must be a couple. Ridley couldn't help but be bowled over by her rotten luck. " It sounds like you have great parents, " she said in an attempt to conceal her real reaction.

" I do. My father insisted on helping me and he had the money, so I decided, as his devoted and loving daughter, that I couldn't deny him something that would bring him so much pleasure. It was the least I could do, don't you agree? "

" Absolutely, and I think that was mighty big of you." Ridley extended her arm out so she could click the rim of her iced tea glass against Dana's.

" So, Karen said you were a teacher, but she didn't tell me what you teach."

" I teach physical education, but I'm not just an old-fashioned gym teacher. I teach health education classes and I'm going to coach the girl's varsity softball team at my new school. I've also coached volleyball in the past and track and field."

" No wonder you look so physically fit."

" I've always been physically active since I was a kid. I used to play softball and volleyball in college and I competed in track and field in high school."

Dana's cheeks looked as if they had rouge on them. " I never played competitive sports. I run three or four times a week, but I don't have time for much else."

" It must be hard to watch what you eat when you're a chef." Dana had a nice trim body with feminine curves in all the right places and no matter what she did or didn't do to stay fit, Ridley thought she was fine just the way she was.

" Sometimes it is." Dana shrugged. " I love to eat, but Tracy and I don't eat a lot of the rich foods we serve in the restaurant and we rarely have dessert, or if we do it's just a small portion. We have to taste what we make, but we only eat a small amount and most nights, we just have a salad for dinner."

" I was pretty sure you couldn't eat like that every night."

" Good heavens, no. We consider it our mission in life to make other people overeat."

" And pay handsomely for it, " Ridley added.

Dana raised her glass. " I'll drink to the pay handsomely part."

Ridley finished her iced tea, set the glass on the coffee table and got up. " I should be going. You must be tired and I've taken up enough of your time."

Dana stood. " I enjoyed having you here and talking to you."

" I enjoyed being here. Thanks for inviting me." Ridley paused. " I just had an idea. How would you feel about coming to my school to talk to the students about healthy eating? Maybe you could show them a few simple recipes they can make at home, something healthier than cheese fries and pop tarts. I know they'd like meeting a chef and it wouldn't hurt them to hear about some of the job opportunities in the food industry."

" I don't know. I've never done anything like that."

" You'd probably enjoy it. The kids are a trip." Ridley wondered where this insane idea had come from and why she was pushing it, especially now that she suspected Dana and Tracy were together. All she was certain of was that she wanted to see Dana again and she was attracted to her. In the back of her mind the voice of reason warned her she might be heading into dangerous territory, but she chose not to listen. She could handle it.

Dana took a while to consider Ridley's proposal. " Okay, why not? They used to make us teach classes and do demonstrations in culinary school, so I'm sure I can do the same thing with high school students. When would you like to do this? "

" Let's see..." In her head, Ridley checked her schedule and did a quick review of her lesson plans for the next two weeks. " What about Monday, two weeks from tomorrow? I have two afternoon classes back to back and we could do both."

" Stay here while I get my calendar." Dana went into another room and came back with a leather appointment book and a pen. She opened it and flipped the pages until she came to the day in question. " I don't have anything scheduled that day, so I'll write it in. Just call me if it doesn't work out." Dana pulled one of her business cards out of a pocket in the front of the book. " My e-mail address and the phone number at the restaurant are on this card." She flipped the business card over and wrote on it. " And my cell phone number is on the back."

Ridley took the card and slid it into her pocket. " Do you have a piece of paper and a pen? I should give you my numbers in case you need them."

Dana tore a piece of paper from a pad in her appointment book and handed it to Ridley along with the pen and as she did, her fingers brushed against Ridley's.

Dana's touch triggered a fluttering in Ridley's stomach and she had to keep her hand from shaking as she wrote on the paper and gave it back to Dana. " Here's my cell phone number, my home number and my work number in case you need to reach me. I have a direct line in the gym office and voice mail, so leave a message if I'm not there and I'll call you back. I'll have to make sure this is okay with my principal but I don't see why it wouldn't be. Consider it a date-- well, you know what I mean." Ridley cleared her throat and shook her head, hoping to clear it as well. " I'll call you next week to discuss the details. Thanks for a great afternoon."

" I'll talk to you later. Be careful driving home."

RIDLEY WEIGHED THE pros and cons of stopping at Karen and Laurie's house on the way home to pump them for more information about Dana, but in the end, she resisted the temptation and drove straight home. Knowing them, they'd see right through her no matter how subtle she tried to be. She'd find out soon enough about Dana and Tracy now that they were all going to be friends and she could not bear to have her suspicions confirmed by Laurie and Karen. Having to endure their sympathy would be more than she could bear.

The attraction Ridley felt for Dana had flared up something fierce and now it burned deep inside of her like a chronic inflammation for which she could find no relief. For her sake and just in case it was all for nothing in the end, she decided it would be wise to keep her feelings to herself, at least for the time being.

AFTER RIDLEY WENT home, Dana felt too restless to stay in her apartment, so she went down to the kitchen to see if Tracy needed any help.

" How's it going down here? " she asked Tracy when she came through the door.

" I'm just putting these last few pans away and wiping the counters."

" Did everyone else leave? "

" They ran out of here like the place was on fire." Tracy stretched her arm up and hung a sauté pan on the pot rack above her head. " I like Ridley a lot, don't you? "

" Yeah, I suppose. She's okay."

Tracy stopped what she was doing and faced Dana head on. " She's okay? Are you out of your mind? She's totally cute as in the cutest thing I've seen in a hell of a long time. Did you check out those sparkling green eyes and that dark auburn hair? I don't think I need to point out that she also has a fabulous body, do I? "

" No. I did notice that, thank you very much." Dana stuck her tongue out.

" I'll choose to overlook that childish gesture, " Tracy said. " She is gay, isn't she? I'm sure she is because she hangs out with Laurie and Karen and they are."

" That doesn't mean she is and besides, I don't know and I really don't care. I'm certain if she and I continue to be friends, there'll be no way I can avoid finding out all about her sexual preferences at some point." Dana picked up the dripping stock pot on the counter, dried it and set it on one of the back burners.

" Well, I'd like to know." Tracy said as she started wiping down the counters

" Why? Are you interested in her? "

" No, I'm not. I'm just interested in her on your behalf."

" Well then, feel free to ask her the next time you see her and if I happen to find out in the meantime, I'll report my findings to you immediately." Dana enunciated each word.

Tracy put her hands on her hips. " You don't have to get snippy about it."

Dana went over to the sink and wet a dish towel. " I'm sorry. She's definitely cute I'll grant you that, but she's nothing more than a potential friend. That's it, period. End of story."

" Hopefully it's not the end of your story."

" Listen to me, Tracy, I'm happy with my life the way it is and I don't want to mess it up." Dana shook the dish towel out and busied herself by wiping the counter tops with it. She wasn't sure why Tracy's comments had made her feel this irritated. Couldn't she meet an attractive woman and not have to think of her as a potential love interest? Why was it so important to Tracy that she have a girlfriend?

" I already wiped all that."

" You missed a few spots." Dana whipped her arm around so vigorously she knocked a large stainless steel bowl off the counter. She winced and covered her ears as it crashed onto the tile floor and shook noisily to a standstill like a renegade cymbal. She scowled as she bent over to retrieve it, embarrassed by her own actions. " If she is gay, you can bet she's not single. Someone like her would never be without a girlfriend."

" And she didn't bring this girlfriend with her last Saturday night? "

" Maybe she was out of town, " Dana proposed. " Or maybe she had to work or she was sick or taking care of her ailing grandmother."

" Try this. Maybe she couldn't make it because she doesn't exist. I hate to break it to you, but I got the impression Ridley was interested in you. It was obvious to me."

" That's ridiculous." Dana felt her face heat up and she hoped Tracy wouldn't notice she was blushing. " She was just being friendly."

" Then why couldn't she take her eyes off of you? "

" So she's good at making eye contact. So what? "

" Did you see how nervous she was, how she kept fidgeting with her hands and stumbling over her words? I swear she was blushing just like you are now, " Tracy pointed out.

" I'm not blushing, it's just warm in here and I think you're seeing things."

" You think so? Tell you what we'll do. Let's call Karen and Laurie and find out if Ridley said anything to them about you or about coming here today."

" We won't do any such thing. You're imagination's running wild, Tracy, and even if you're right, I'm not ready to get involved with anyone. I may never be."

" Dana, you can't avoid romance forever. It's not normal or healthy. I know you were hurt by Sarah, but don't you think it's time to move on? Don't you ever feel lonely? And what about being close to someone and being physically intimate? It's been a while, hasn't it? "

" You know it has, not that it's any of your business. I think the need for sex is highly over-rated. I do get lonely at times, but who doesn't? I'm busy, I have friends and I've come to realize that I'm better off alone. Relationships are nothing but trouble." Dana's words rang false in her own ears but she needed to hide in the safety of them and she'd recited those words to herself so many times she'd almost come to believe them. Right now, what she needed was to convince Tracy that they were true.

" You want to be alone forever? That's absurd. You're not that kind of person."

" I'm touched by your concern, really I am, and I love you for it, but you're wrong. I am that kind of person. I'm not unhappy and I have everything I've ever dreamed of. What more could I possibly want? "

Tracy shrugged her shoulders. " I have no answer for that. You obviously need to believe your own distorted logic. I just happen to know we all need love and I'm pretty sure that includes you. I'm convinced it's what life is all about and the longer I live, the more I think it's the only thing that really matters."

" I've heard this all before, but it's not for me. I can do without love." Dana rubbed her eyes to ward off the beginnings of a headache. " Once was more than enough. I don't feel like setting myself up for that kind of misery ever again." She stopped rubbing her eyes and blinked several times to bring them into focus. " What's wrong with being alone? Do we all have to be with someone in order to be all right? "

" Nobody has to be with anybody if you come right down to it. It's not about that."

" Tracy, please give me a break. For some reason, I feel like an emotional train wreck today and talking about this is upsetting me even more."

Tracy walked over to Dana and took her hand. " I'm sorry, I didn't know you felt that way. What's bothering you? "

" I wish I knew." She squeezed Tracy's hand.

" I'm here if you need me. I hope you know that."

" I do." Tears welled up in Dana's eyes.

" Hey, don't cry. I didn't mean to upset you. Sometimes I have a big fat know-it-all mouth." Tracy draped her arms around Dana's shoulders. " Why don't you go upstairs and do something nice for yourself to take your mind off things. You don't have to do anything for the rest of the day but hang out and take it easy."

" I think I will. Maybe I'll unpack a few more boxes." Dana wiped her eyes on her sleeve. " I think I'll call my mother and talk to her and then I'll give my sister a call. Do you want to come down later and watch a movie? I'll make popcorn."

" Sounds like fun, but I can't tonight. I have a date."

" You have a date? Why didn't you tell me? " Dana asked.

" I haven't had a chance, " Tracy told her.

" Who is she? Where did you meet her? "

" Her name's Erika. She owns a little shop on the corner of Ninth and South. I went in there to buy some candles and incense last week and we got to talking. The next thing I knew, she was flirting with me and she was so cute, I flirted right back."

" Is it that great smelling shop with all the new-age stuff? The one that has the jewelry and crystals and the yoga classes upstairs? "

" That's the one and she's the yoga instructor, " Tracy confirmed.

" Get out of here."

" It's the truth." Mischief took over Tracy's face. " I've heard they have amazing flexibility and can twist their bodies into some very interesting positions."

" Shame on you, Tracy, you are so bad." Dana tried not to smile.

" That's not bad, it's good." Tracy made no attempt to hide her wicked thoughts.

" I see your point and I want to hear all about it tomorrow--well, maybe not all about it. You can keep the sordid details to yourself."

" It's our first date, so there probably won't be any sordid details to report. However, if things should happen to go that way, I'll give you the R-rated version, okay? "

" Make it PG, will you? I don't want to get too worked up."

" Will you be all right this evening? " All the mischief vanished from Tracy's face.

" Don't worry about me, I'll be fine. You go out and have a good time."

" I will." Tracy glanced at the clock. " I've got to get going. Take it easy and be good to yourself, will you? I'll see you tomorrow."

Dana finished up in the kitchen, locked the door and climbed the stairs to her apartment. Snippets of her conversation with Tracy echoed in her mind and she kept going back to Tracy's suggestion that Ridley Kelsen was interested in her. She felt drawn to Ridley, a fact she had not shared with Tracy, and at the same time she wanted to run in the other direction as fast as she could. She hardly knew her and yet Ridley disturbed her in a way she didn't understand.

With a heavy heart, she unlocked the door to her apartment, kicked her clogs aside and went into the bathroom to take medicine to stem the headache gathering strength behind her eyes. As she swallowed the pills, she thought about the things Tracy had said about her being alone and needing someone in her life. Some of it made sense, but she didn't want her life to change, not when things were so easy and uncomplicated. She had her restaurant, her best friend was with her and she felt good. For the time being, she wanted things to stay the way they were. Her life made her feel secure and that was something she could count on. " I really don't need anyone. I really don't, " she said to her reflection in the medicine cabinet mirror.

After washing her face, she went into the bedroom and climbed onto the bed. With her eyes closed, she thought about Sarah and their past and how much it would wear her down if she let it. She thought about how her dreams had evaporated into thin air in a single afternoon and how her plans had been destroyed by someone she'd loved and trusted, someone who had claimed to love her. The pain of the whole dirty mess had healed long ago, but she'd been left with something far worse. She'd been left with a pervasive sense of disillusionment.