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U home? 8 ñòðàíèöà






I’d run out without anything, but I had an emergency stash in my car for moments like this.

As I mowed through two pieces of sticky cake and a glass of milk, I told Megan everything. I hadn’t really had a chance to catch up with her in a while, so I filled her in on the ring affair and everything else.

“He’s got money and he’s hiding it. If it were from his aunt and uncle, he would have admitted it. I just keep coming back to this Joe guy.”

“So he had a meeting with him and he said something about not wanting… something. Maybe it was the money.”

“That’s the first thing I thought of. I mean, his parents are dead, this weird Joe guy has a meeting with him, and then this, ” I said, holding up the ring, “and then the check for five grand. It’s got to be connected. I just don’t know why he would lie to me about it.”

“I hate to say it, but you’re lying to him, too.”

“This is different.”

“It isn’t and you know it. You can’t expect him to be open with you if you aren’t open with him. It goes both ways, babe.”

“I know it does.”

“Just, stay the night here and think about it and see how you feel in the morning. This couch is yours as long as you need it. I’d much rather have you here than Jake’s gross friends.”

“Thanks, Meg. I don’t know what I would have done.”

“You’re a resourceful girl. You would have figured something out.”

“Thanks.”

“Goodnight.”

“Night.”

I slept horribly on the sofa, but I told Megan I slept great. Jake tried not to make a lot of noise when he came home at six from his graveyard shift, but he couldn’t help it. I got up as soon as I could in the morning. I didn’t have any early classes and neither did Megan, so we had pancakes and talked some more.

“Any revelations after a night of sleep? ” she said.

“Nope. But my voicemail box is full on my phone, and I have about a million texts that I haven’t read.”

“Maybe you should talk to him. Work things out.”

“I just don’t know if we can. There are just too many things in our way.”

“Things you put there.”

“Exactly. Meg, you know I can’t do it. I just can’t. Not even for him.”

“You know everyone has secrets. Some are bigger than others, but it seems like he’s got one equally as big as yours. So why don’t you swap and call it even? Why let that stand in the way of something that could be amazing? ”

The thing was that I didn’t have a good answer. Letting Hunter in on my secret didn’t seem so big anymore.

Seeing the look on his face last night was terrible. It put me in a dark place that I’d thought I’d crawled out of years ago. I just didn’t think I was ready.

There was a knock at the door, and Megan went to answer it.

“I’m not going to let you in. It’s up to her, ” she said, moving the door so I could see who it was.

Hunter. With his guitar.

“Please. Just listen. I… I’m so sorry. I’ve been trying to figure out how I could show you, and this was all I could come up with. You don’t have to do anything but listen. Just listen.”

Megan looked at me, and I nodded.

“I’ll be in the kitchen. Just scream if you need anything and I’ll be there with a knife or two.”

“Thanks.” I turned my attention back to Hunter and his guitar.

“You can stay on the porch. Like how you left me on the floor outside our room.”

“I didn’t know what else to do. You found the check, and I panicked.”

“That isn’t an excuse.”

“I know. And I’m not saying that this is going to make up for it. I’m going to try, really try, to make you trust me again. I want you to trust me. I just… I couldn’t sleep last night without you. It was the strangest thing, being in the room alone without you. I couldn’t hear you breathing, and your laughter was gone and you were gone, and it was like a part of my life was missing. A big part. I tripped going to the bathroom and banged my head. See? ” He pointed to a lovely gash on his forehead. “And then I burned my hand on the toaster oven. And then my car wouldn’t start. Again. I’ve never had such bad luck in my life.”

He brought the guitar around and settled it so he could play.

“I’ve been thinking about this song since I closed the door on you. I was going to come and see you last night, but I wanted to give you space.”

I waited.

“So, here is part one of my apology.”

He strummed the guitar in a familiar melody and started to sing.

It was Honey, Come Home by The Head and the Heart. The lyrics were about a married couple where the husband was begging the wife to come back. He’d done the dishes and cleaned the house, and all he wanted was to lie next to her, with the one he loved.

He’d done a new arrangement that was both sad and beautiful. I melted into the music and Hunter’s voice and I could see it. I could see us, washing the dishes and waking up tangled up in him in the morning. It was so close I could taste it. I could taste his lips on mine.

When he ended the song he looked at me.

“Can I come in? ”

“I don’t trust you.”

“I know, Missy. But I don’t trust you either. You’ve got a secret, too. You’ve been pushing me away to keep it. I pushed you away to keep mine.”

“You were so angry. I was scared of you.”

“I was scared of me, too.”

“Are you going to tell me? ”

“If that’s what it will take to get you to come home. Yes. You might not like it, but if you want to know that badly, then yes.”

“Okay then. You can come in.”

“Are you okay in there? ” Megan said.

“We’re good, ” I called back.

“Okay, I’m going to take a shower. The knives are right here if you need them.” Moments later I heard the water clunk to life, and Megan humming.

“No wonder you two are friends. She sings in the shower, too, ” he said, slowly coming in. Instead of the couch, he grabbed a crappy falling-apart chair the guys used when they had game night.

“So, Joe, ” I said.

“Joe.” Hunter took a breath. “Joe is my lawyer. Well, he’s really my parents’ lawyer. When they died, he was put in charge of managing their money until I came of age. Now that I am, he’s still in charge of it.”

“Why? ”

“Because I don’t want any of it.”

“How much money? ”

“I don’t even know. Millions.”

I nearly choked on my tongue.

“Millions? ”

“Yes. My dad was an oil executive in Texas. So he had a lot of money.”

“Why don’t you want it? ” Who wouldn’t want millions of dollars? I couldn’t think of anyone.

“Because it’s blood money.”

“How? ” Maybe his father had been involved in organized crime. Maybe that was it. That wouldn’t surprise me too much.

“Because my father killed my mother and then killed himself.”

Time stopped for a second after he said it. I had to have heard him wrong. That couldn’t be it.

And then it all made sense. The nightmares, the reluctance to talk about them, his rich aunt and uncle.

“Oh.”

“Yeah, there isn’t much to say. It is what it is. It happened a long time ago, and I’ve moved on. At least I thought so.”

“What happened? ”

“My dad thought my mom was having an affair. She wasn’t, but that didn’t matter. Things were getting tight at the company, and he was under a lot of scrutiny. He got drunk one night, and they had a huge fight. He shot her.” He paused for a moment.

“I was in my room and I was trying to plug my ears so I couldn’t hear them anymore. Then I heard the pop. I knew what it meant. I ran out and saw her on the floor in a puddle of blood. I tried to save her, but it was too late. Dad just stared at me, at her. And then he put the gun in his mouth and pulled the trigger.”

“Oh my God, ” I said, horrified. It was so much worse than what I’d thought.

“You’d be shocked what happens to a person’s face when it’s blown off by a gun.” He plucked a guitar string. “So there it is. You know everything there is to know. The only other people who know about it are my family, and of course that town in Texas where I lived. I was the kid with the dead parents for a long time until Hope and John moved up here and I got to start over. Joe only comes up a few times a year to give me updates on investments and such. He keeps trying to get me to be more involved, to take some of the money for myself, but I don’t want it.”

Oh. That was what he didn’t want. The money.

“What does he want you to do with it? ”

“Invest it and make more money. Joe’s very into that sort of thing. Playing the stock market and all that. He thinks I’m crazy for not wanting it. If he’d let me, I’d give all of it away. I give as much as he’ll let me.”

“You give it away? ”

“Well, yeah. What am I going to do with millions of dollars I don’t want? I feel like…” He paused and thought for a second. “I feel like if the money can do some good in this world, then they wouldn’t have died for nothing. The money destroyed them. It made Dad crazy and angry and stressed, and he just snapped that day. I know I should blame him and be angry, but I can’t. I have too many good memories of him to let that one bad one ruin everything.”

Wow.

“So there you have it. My deep, dark secret. Well, one of them at least. A man has to keep some mystery, doesn’t he? ”

“I… I had no idea.”

“No, you didn’t. But it’s okay. I should have told you. You deserved to know.”

No, I really didn’t.

“I’m so sorry.”

“You know, you’re one of the few people I believe when they say that. When your parents die when you’re young, especially if they are well-known, all kinds of people tell you they’re sorry, but it’s mostly bullshit. They have to say that. But I know you feel it.”

“I do. I’m so sorry I pushed you.”

He put his hand on my shoulder.

“It’s okay, Taylor. I should have known you’d be so curious you were going to use other ways to find out.”

“I spied on you. At your uncle’s house. I told Hope I was going to the bathroom, but I went down the hall and listened at the door.”

“Of course you did. I didn’t expect anything less. What did you hear? ” He was completely unfazed. He knew me better than I thought.

“Just you saying that you didn’t want something. I know what that was now.”

“Ah, so you didn’t hear me calling Joe a pushy asshat? ”

“You called him an asshat? ”

“Yeah, this really cool girl I know uses it, and I decided to steal it.”

“She approves.”

“Does that mean you forgive me? ”

“I want to, ” I said, being totally honest. “When you… when you looked at me… like that…” I shook my head, remembering. It made me think of that night. “You can’t touch me like that ever again, or else I will rip your balls off and hand them to you.”

He nodded.

“It reminded me of something I’ve spent almost eight years trying to forget. I… can tell you about it if you want.” I wanted to swallow the words back once I said them.

“Taylor, ” he said, his voice and eyes soft. Nothing compared to last night. I never wanted to remember that night again. I wanted to erase it from my life.

“You don’t have to. I can see that it hurts you and it weighs on you, but if you don’t want to tell me, you don’t have to. Just listening to me tell you about my parents is enough. I’ll take you no matter what. I’m so sorry for how I acted. I never want to be that guy again.”

“I don’t want you to either.” He moved onto the couch.

“I just… I don’t know if I can tell you. I don’t know how.” He’d made it look so easy. He’d just sat down and told me. God, he’d watched two deaths. I had nothing on that.

“I want to take you out to dinner. Someplace nice where I can continue to grovel and show you that you can trust me. I want you to trust me. I need it. I need you more than anything. Everything makes sense when you’re around. Everything is better. I couldn’t even cook dinner last night because you weren’t there. I had a nightmare, and there was no one to wake me up from it. It’s not your job to save me, but… I want you around.”

“Me too.” I didn’t tell Megan, but I’d woken up with my face pressed to the pillow and my teeth clenched in a scream. Luckily, or else she might have thought someone was trying to murder me.

“So how about it? Will you let me take you on a date? ”

“Will you help me pick out something to wear? ”

“Absolutely.” His face turned up into the smile I knew was trouble.

“I’m not wearing lingerie, so you can just get that image out of your head.”

“Damn. It was worth a shot.”

“I have the right to veto any of your choices.”

“I suppose.”

“Okay then. We’re going on a date.”

“Okay then.”

I didn’t tell him that it was technically my first date. I’d been on group things, but never where a guy picked me up and was expected to pay and pull my chair out and give me a chaste kiss at the end.

Hunter got up from the couch as Megan turned off the shower.

“You still alive out there? ”

“Yes, ” we both called.

“Have you sliced off any limbs? ” she asked.

“No. He’s intact.”

“Well, tell him if he ever hurts you again, he won’t be.”

“Got it.” I turned to Hunter. “She says —”

“I got it. Will you come home now? There’s a pot of blacker-than-sin coffee waiting for you.”

“I’ll meet you there, okay? I just want to thank Megan and get my stuff together.”

“Okay, Miss. I’ll see you at home.”

He left and I fell back against the couch. Megan emerged from her bedroom with her hair wrapped in a towel.

“Well? ”

“He apologized in the most romantic way possible and he’s taking me out to dinner.”

“You still need to be careful.”

“I know.” I knew what she was saying. “He’s not Travis.”

“No, he’s not.”

“Still.”

“I know, Meg.”

“Okay then.”

I got up to grab my bag and my clothes from last night. I was still wearing my pjs.

“Thanks for letting me crash, ” I said, giving her a hug.

“Anytime, girl. You know I’m here for you.”

“Thanks.”

“Call me. I want to hear all the details. Make him work for it.”

“Oh, believe me, I will. He’s going to be on dish duty for at least two weeks. I’ll see you later.”

“Bye.”

 


Twenty-One


“I’m excited, ” Hunter whispered in my ear during human sexuality.

“Well, we are talking about STDs, but whatever blows your whistle, ” I hissed back. It didn’t really matter if we talked at normal volume. Most of the class did, so there was a constant hum of conversation that the professor didn’t bother to hush.

“About our date. I know just what you should wear.”

“Are you sure you’re not gay? You have intimate knowledge of my closet.”

“No, I just have intimate knowledge of you. I mean, we do sleep in the same room.”

It was true. I knew pretty much his entire wardrobe, including his boxers, which I saw way too much of or not enough, depending on the day.

“You look really beautiful today. I mean, you do every day, but I don’t say it enough.”

“Wow, you are really buttering me up, ” I said as Marjorie motioned for the TAs to pass around little baskets of condoms. You could do things like that in colleges. I just hoped she wasn’t going to give us a demonstration with a banana.

“Wrap it before you tap it, pass it on, ” said Carissa, one of the TAs, as she handed me the basket.

“Think you can remember that? ” I asked Hunter.

“You’ll have to remind me, ” he said in a way that made shivers crawl up and down my spine.

“I’ll give you a banana lesson later, ” I whispered as Marjorie tried to call us to order so she could talk about chlamydia. Delightful.

“Looking forward to it, ” he said with a wink.

We walked back to the apartment together, and Hunter was strangely quiet.

“Penny for your thoughts? ” I said.

“I was just thinking that my mom would have loved you.”

“What was she like? ”

“Beautiful. I have this black and white picture of her I’ll have to show you. She spent most of her time doing charity work, but she also had a degree in architecture. She always joked that people thought she was a trophy wife until she opened her mouth and set them straight. Sharp as a whip, Dad used to say. She had a comeback for everything. I don’t think that woman ever lost an argument in her life.”

“What did she look like? ” I pictured dark hair and Hunter’s smile.

“I got my blue eyes from her. And some people say my smile. I look more like my dad than I do her. I have a picture of him too, if you want to see.”

I did. I wanted to see where he had come from, since I couldn’t meet them. If he wasn’t going to let what his father did define how he felt about him, I wasn’t going to either.

“You aren’t mad at him? Really? ”

“I was, for a while. I did a lot of thinking and talking with my aunt and therapy and so forth. I used to break things and set them on fire. I was in detention more than a few times.”

“Imagine that, ” I said, pretending to be shocked.

“I was a punk for a while.”

“Let me guess, ” I said, turning around and walking backward so I could watch him. “You were a skater boy with a Mohawk, and you may or may not have had a pierced ear. Your pants also probably fell off a lot.”

He glared at me.

“I was not a skater boy. I was just a boy who rode a skateboard frequently.”

“Same thing. So I’m right about everything else? ”

“Still have the scar from the earring.”

He stopped walking and tipped his head down so I could see the minuscule hole that dotted his left earlobe. I turned my head and realized how close my lips were to his and how much they wanted to be attached to his. No. Bad lips.

I turned and started walking again.

“Do I get to do the same thing? ”

“Go ahead.” He’d never get it right.

“Let’s see. I bet you wore torn black fishnets and lots of eyeliner and you were into really deep poetry and studied French.”

“Way off, ” I said, scoffing. He wasn’t even close.

“I know. I was just messing with you. I bet you did a little bit of everything. Art, maybe a sport like tennis, and you read a lot and I’m guessing National Honor Society. Oh, and I bet you did dance. You move like you danced at one point in your life. How did I do? ”

Holy shit. He’d gotten it exactly.

“Stalker, ” I said, walking faster. There was no way he could have known that without doing some heavy research.

“Hold up. I swear I didn’t stalk you. I told you, I’m just really observant. Think of me as Sherlock Holmes, only without the bad social skills and cocaine use.”

“Holmes was into cocaine? ”

“How else was he able to stay up all night and solve crimes? ”

“True.” He moved into stride next to me. “So you didn’t stalk me? ”

“I may have checked out some of your old Facebook posts, but that’s it.” I forgot about that. Damn social networking. No one was anonymous anymore.

“I did dance for a few years, but it got too expensive so I had to stop. I also got kicked out.”

“You got kicked out of dance? ”

“Yeah. I kind of told a girl I was going to rip her throat out.”

He started laughing, throwing his head back.

“Why? ”

I sighed.

“Because she said that my dad had been cheating on my mom even before the divorce, and my mom had something on the side as well.”

“How old were you? ”

“Fourteen. She was just repeating something her mom had said, but she was old enough to know what she was saying.”

“God, girls are bitches.”

“Tell me about it.”

“So anyway, I tried to yank her snotty platinum ponytail out of her head and that was that. I was asked to leave and never come back. Thus ended my career as a dancer.”

“Shame. You’ve still got the moves.” I stopped and did a little shimmy. “You could always take classes.”

“Maybe I will.”

“You should. If you liked it.”

“I did.”

“Well there you go.”

Renee was studying on the couch as Paul was spread out over the dining table with what looked like some sort math conundrum. Paul was crazy smart and was majoring in both mechanical and chemical engineering. Renee always joked that he was going to get a fancy job as an oil baron or something and then she’d be his trophy nurse. All she wanted was to work in a neo-natal intensive care unit, taking care of babies.

“Hey, you made up yet? ” Renee said, her eyes not leaving her textbook.

“Sort of, ” I said.

“Good.”

“Hey, ” Paul said, waving and not looking up from his calculator. Two peas in a pod.

“We’re going out tonight and then back to Paul’s, FYI, so we won’t be here for dinner.”

“Got it. We’re not going to be here either, ” I said.

“Oh, really? ”

“I am taking Taylor on a date.” Hunter smiled as if he’d won the lottery.

“Good. You owe her about a million dinners. I hope you’re taking her someplace nice.”

“I am.”

“Ooh, tell me, tell me, ” she said.

“No way! If I don’t get to know, you don’t get to know, ” I said.

But Hunter leaned over and whispered in Renee’s ear.

“Very nice. You have good taste, dude.”

“Thank you. Now, if you don’t mind. We both need to do some homework before said date.”

“Enjoy, ” Renee said, her eyes drifting back to her book.

Hunter made a snack while I got my homework crap together. Somehow we were able to function and study without distracting one another. At least, most of the time. Every now and then I’d find him looking at me, or I’d steal a moment to stare at him. I loved watching him concentrate. His face got so calm and beautiful. I couldn’t deny the power of his smirk, but I loved watching him study.

I settled on my bed, propping up my pillows to prepare myself for a bunch of reading for medieval European history, and then I had a bunch of notes to review for French on the subjunctive. Gag me. I was going to do the French first since it was the suckiest. Don’t get me wrong, I loved the country, but conjugating verbs wasn’t my activity of choice.

Hunter came back with my no-fire-required s’mores, which were made with Nutella, Fluff and graham crackers. He also had two glasses of iced tea.

“Here you go, Miss Caldwell. Happy studying.”

“Thank you, Mr. Zaccadelli. Same to you.”

We retired to our separate beds and got to work. Our desks were crammed so tight under our beds that you couldn’t sit comfortably. Bed studying was much preferable.

The only sound was the turn of a page, the scratch of a pen and our breathing. Every now and then I’d feel Hunter’s eyes on me and I’d look up only to meet those intense blue eyes. I always looked away first.

I finished what I wanted to do for French and got started on reading about medieval clothing. It was fascinating, but not as interesting as watching Hunter study his boring economics books. Yum.

“You’re staring, ” he said.

“Not for very long. I’m admiring your sexy brain.”

“Go ahead. I don’t mind. I do it enough to you.”

“Yeah, I’m aware, ” I said, rolling my eyes.

“If you don’t like it, I’ll stop. You just say the word about anything and I’ll stop.”

“You don’t have to stop.”

“Okay then, ” he said.

We worked for a little while longer, until my eyes were crossing. The lack of sleep the night before wasn’t really helping with my attempt to cram a bunch of information into my brain.

“I’m done, ” I said, closing my book.

“Me too. I like economics, but I like you more.”

“I should hope so.”

“You can shower first. I know it takes your hair longer to dry.”

“This is true.” His dried in about five seconds.

I grabbed some clothes and hopped in the shower, singing Taylor Swift as loud as I wanted, knowing Hunter could hear me through the door.

I shaved extra careful, because if we were going someplace fancy, he was going to make me wear a dress. I wiped off the steamy mirror and checked my naked self out, turning from side to side. Meh. Nothing special, but nothing hideous either. Hunter didn’t seem to care, but he hadn’t seen all of me either.

The closest I’d been to naked was a tank top and booty shorts. He’d never seen my stomach, and I was pretty sure he was still unaware of my belly ring. I’d managed to keep that little secret for myself.

I slipped on a robe and padded back to our room, drying my hair with a towel.

“Cruel, that robe is cruel, ” he said, looking up from the book I’d bought with Megan at our last mall trip.

“Why? ”

“Because it covers everything up.”

“Exactly. That’s what it’s supposed to do.”

He shook his head and grabbed his shower stuff. I’d never told him, but sometimes when he wasn’t around, I’d open the top of his body wash and smell it, which was weird. He wouldn’t do anything that creepy.

As I waited for him to come back, I scrunched my hair up so it would dry better and kind of wavy. I’d recently seen this cool twist idea online that I wanted to try. Hunter came back to find me jamming bobby pins in my hair.

“What are you doing? ” He only had a towel on. Of course. He stood behind me and reached for my hair.

“What are you doing? ” I ducked away from his meddling hands. “This took ten minutes to get like this.”

“Wear it down. It looks better down.”

“I’ll wear it however I want.”

“Okay, ” he said, turning away, but stopped and reached out to tug a little piece out so it framed my face. “There. Perfect.”

I studied the effect in the mirror and sighed. The updo was pretty, but it wasn’t me. It looked like me dressing up as a lawyer for Halloween. I was never going to be able to find all the pins.

“Okay, you win. Give me a hand.” Hunter and I spent the next ten minutes rooting though my thick hair to find all the pins. Our hands kept bumping into one another.

“Do you do some special girly hair treatment? ”

“No, why? ”

He removed his hands and stepped back. We were still wary around each other after the blowup.

“Because you’ve got amazing hair.”

“Good genes, I guess.” I did a mayonnaise treatment every now and then, but I only did it when I knew he wasn’t going to be around. I didn’t care if he saw me flipping my retainer, but beauty treatments were personal.

“There. I think that’s the last one, ” I said. My hair tumbled around my shoulders. I fluffed it and called it good.

“That’s what I like to see. Natural. I’m going to get un-naked, so you might want to stay turned around. Unless you want to give me a hand…”

“No, I’m good. I’m going to go, um, brush my teeth? ” It sounded like a question.

“Have fun with that.”

I did end up brushing my teeth and came back when I was sure Hunter had enough time to be clothed.

“Wow, ” I said. He was wearing a black button up with khakis and even a pair of dress shoes. Where the hell had those come from? I’d never seen them.

“I have my secrets too, Miss Caldwell.”

“You look very nice, Mr. Zaccadelli.”

“Yours is waiting on your bed.”

He’d picked out a black cocktail dress that I’d bought on sale on a crazy whim because Megan had told me every girl needed a little black dress.

“I thought it would look good on you. You don’t have to wear it if you don’t want to.”

“No, no. I like it. I’ve just never had a place to wear it.”

“Now you do.”

“I’m gonna go get ready, ” I said, and he left.

I locked the door before I slipped the dress on. It was slinky and fell just short of my knees, but came up high on my neck in the front. It reminded me of Audrey Hepburn. I found a necklace of black beads and some matching earrings that I’d borrowed from Tawny and never returned. By the time Hunter came back, I was putting on mascara.

“Don’t poke yourself in the eye.”

“I think I can handle it.”

“Okay, okay.” He watched me for a moment and then left, probably to give me some more privacy. Good boy.

I was just about ready when he knocked on the door.

“Are you ready, Miss Caldwell? ”

“Yes I am, Mr. Zaccadelli. You may escort me now.”

He opened the door and even though he’d seen me before, his eyes still popped.

“Gorgeous.”

“Thank you.”

“Shall we? ” He held out his arm. I took it and we left.

“Where’s Darah? ” I asked.

“She had to work.”

“Oh. She didn’t say good-bye.”

Hunter shrugged. Huh.

He did all the things he was supposed to do, the door-opening, and the escorting and such. The feminist in me balked at the idea that I couldn’t open a door, but it was nice not to have to do those things for one night. Letting Hunter pull out my chair for one night wasn’t going to set the women’s liberation movement backward. I hoped.

“You’re in charge, Missy. I see that look on your face.”

“What look? ”

“It’s not a sin to let me open a door for you. I know you’re perfectly capable of doing it yourself.”

“Who said it was? ”

“Okay, then.”

The restaurant, The Broadway Public House, was in a brick building in downtown Bangor, a few minutes away from the college. Somehow Hunter found a parking spot for his Pontiac Sunfire right next to the restaurant.


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