Body language

I'm never bored at airports. Quite the reverse. I visit them like other people go to the ballet. To a Manwatcher, there's nothing more fascinating than observing citizens of different countries mingling and exchanging body signals.

And nowhere is the performance so enjoyable as at Heathrow, the world's top international airport.

Day and night they pour in, 36 million a year from every corner of the globe.

Where else but Heathrow could you hope to see Brazilians rubbing shoulders with Branmins, Poles with Polynesians, Madagascans with Minnesotans and Neapolitans with Nepalese?

Each nationality has its own language of posture and gesture. But since these signals are often mutually incomprehensible, an innocent gesture made in an airport may well be an unwitting insult.

Happily, I can report the BAA's information staff are trained in body language.

A Sardinian woman asks if it is easy to find a taxi at Heathrow. The answer she gets is a cheery British thumbs up. (Very likely from one of the 900 cabbies who serve the airport on an average day.) Immediately, she hits the unfortunate man with her handbag for making such an insulting suggestion. This is why, it's not a very good idea to thumb a lift in Sardinia.

Isn't there at least one truly international gesture? Don't bet on it.

A Japanese asks an American passenger whether Heathrow has a luggage trolley service. It has. And as it happens, this service is not only first class, but FREE! So the Yank replies with the famous 'A-OK' ring gesture. But to the Japanese this signifies 'money' and he concludes there is a large charge for the service.

Meanwhile, a Tunisian on-looker thinks the American is telling the Japanese that he is a worthless rogue and he is going to kill him.

It is so easy to give offence. Suppose a passenger asks at the Information Desk where he could go to pay his airport tax.

Now the good news is that at Heathrow, unlike many airports I could name, passengers don't pay any taxes.

But just as the Information Assistant begins to say so, she is assailed by a tremendous itch and tugs at her earlobe.

Astonishing though it may seem, this simple gesture means five different things in five different Mediterranean countries.

Depending on the nationality, the Assistant has offered the passenger the following insult:

TO A SPANIARD: ‘You are a worthless rogue’.

TO A GREEK: 'You'd better watch it mate'.

TO A MALTESE: ‘You're a sneaky little so-and-so’.

TO AN ITALIAN: 'Get lost. '

Only a Portuguese (to whom the gesture signifies something wonderful) would hang around long enough to hear the answer.

The ring-gesture can have further meanings.

A Frenchman has just read a BAA advertisement. Glancing around the restaurant in Terminal 4, he remarks wonderingly to his wife, 'You know how much this airport cost s British taxpayer? Not a sou'. And he makes the finger and thumb ring which to him means zero'.

Unfortunately, at the time he is glancing at a Colombian who is enjoying a fine Burgundy with his steak Bearnaise. The Colombian, enraged by the deadly insult which he assumes is directed at him, chokes on his wine and catches at his nose with finger and thumb.

This appalls a Syrian sitting opposite, who thinks the Colombian is telling him to 'go to hell'.

The Syrian is restrained with difficulty by his Greek colleague from getting up and punching the Colombian on the nose. Meanwhile the maitre d' hurries over and attempts to calm the situation with two out-thrust palms. This of course is taken by the Greek to be a double-'moutza' and in his rage he nearly kills the unfortunate man with his fish knife.

Something in your eye? Think before you touch the lower lid. If a Saudi sees you, he'll think you're calling him stupid, but a South American senorita will think you're making a pass a her.

There is no greater insult you can offer a Greek than to thrust your palms towards his face. This gesture, called the 'moutza', comes from the old Byzantine custom of throwing filth in the faces of condemned criminals as they were led in chains through city.

So terrible is this insult that in Greece even the Churchillian Victory-V is taboo, as it looks like a half-'moutza'.

Thus the Cretan or Athenian traveller, ordering two teas in a Heathrow restaurant, will carefully reverse his palm and give the waiter two fingers.

With 22, 600 orders for cups of tea open to misinterpretation every day, the wonder is the place functions at all.

1) Make sure you know the words:

2) Find all possible derivatives to the following words. (Consult the dictionary if it is necessary).

identify

submit

secure

approve

intimidate

measure

extent

occasion

consider

conscious

hostile

II. c) Answer as many questions as you can

1. What is a 'moutza'? 2. What is a 'Victory V'? 3. Where would 'two fingers' be an insult?
4. Why is it inadvisable to thumb a lift in Sardinia? 5. What does a 'thumbs-up' sign mean in Britain? 6. What would a Syrian think if you held your nose? a Where would this be insulting? b Where in the world might a man make this gesture to a woman?
7. What does this mean: a) in France? b) in America? c) in Japan? d) in Tunisia? e) in Columbia?
8. Translate the above gesture into a) Spanish b) Greek c) Maltese d) Italian e) Portuguese?

II d) Translate the following

I. Терпеть не могу американцев и их ОК жест. 2. У меня ухо чешется. 3. Что ты делаешь? Ты что, заигрываешь с моей женой? Ах ты никчемный негодяй! Я не потерплю такого оскорбления! Ты мне ответишь за обиду! Иди сюда, трусливый пес! - Да что Вы, мне что-то в глаз попало - Я сейчас тебе в нос дам! - Эй, кто-нибудь, сдержите его! 4. Спорим, он будет в ярости, когда узнает, что кто-то вертится вокруг его подружки. 5. Ненавижу рынки. Честные граждане 'трутся' бок о бок с негодяями. 6. Я жду твоего ответа. Если у тебя есть замечания, пожалуйста предложи что-нибудь другое. 7. Не дотрагивайся до меня, ты весь в грязи. 8. Мне следует придти к заключению, что он оказался случайным свидетелем этого нечаянного невинного жеста, который оказался непонятным для нашего коллеги. 8. Еще одно замечание и ты получишь в нос. 8. Я пришла в ужас, когда он поперхнулся во время еды. Это была всего лишь невинная шутка. 10. Не торчи рядом с ней и не заигрывай. Она не для тебя. 11. Какая зануда! 12. Не протягивай руки или ноги протянешь. 13. Конечно же я взбесилась! Это же смертельное оскорбление!

III. Match the words with similar meaning

Do you touch people?

Many Northern Europeans and North Americans don't touch each other very much. How often do you touch other people? How often have you touched other people today? What sort of touching was it? What did it mean? And where do we touch each other?

The psychologist Jourard showed three hundred college students in the United States a drawing of a person. The person was divided into 12 parts.

The students were asked:

1. Who touches you? (your mother, your father, friends of the same sex, friends of the opposite sex)

2. How often do they touch you? (frequently, quite often, rarely, hardly ever)

3. Where do they touch you?

• Mothers touch their daughters more than their sons on their arms and their hair.

• Mothers touch their sons more than their daughters on their chests.

• Fathers touch their daughters more than their sons on their hair, face, neck and shoulders.

• Men friends touch each other more than women friends on the shoulders, chest and legs.

• Women friends touch each other more than men friends on the hair, face, neck and forearms.

• Men touch women more on the knee than women touch men.

• Women touch men more on the chest and the hips than men touch women.

Which of these answers do you think are obvious and which do you think are surprising?

Jourard did further research into touching. He sat in cafes in four cities and noted down every time he saw someone touch someone else.' His notes were:

San Juan (Puerto Rico) - 180

Paris - 101

Gainesville (Florida) - 2

London - 0