Magician

A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience would be different each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the same tricks over and over again. There was only one problem: The captain’s parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick. Once he understood he started shouting in the middle of the show:

“Look, it’s not the same hat.”

“Look, he is hiding the flowers under the table.”

“Hey, why are all the cards the Ace of Spades? ”

The magician was furious but couldn’t do anything; it was, after all, the captain’s parrot.

One day the ship had an accident and sank. The magician found himself floating on a piece of wood in the middle of the ocean with the parrot, of course.

They stared at each other with hate, but did not utter a word. This went on for a day and another and another. After a week the parrot said: “OK, I give up. Where’s the boat? ”

Sherlock Holmes and Watson

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal they lay down for the night, and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend awake. “Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.” Watson replied, “I see millions and millions of stars.”

“What does that tell you? ” Holmes questioned.

Watson pondered for a minute. “Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you? ”

Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke. “Watson, you are an idiot. It tells me that some bastard has stolen our tent! ”

Animal Crackers

“Mom, can I have an animal cracker? ” asked 3-year-old Bob.

“Sure Bob, ” said his mom. “Open up the box, and take a few.”

Forty-five minutes later Bob’s mother walked into the kitchen.

“Bob, why’d you spill out all of the animal crackers, and what are you looking for? ”

“It said on the box not to eat it if the seal is broken.” Bob replied. “I spilled out the whole box, I looked through all of the animals but I can’t find any seals! ”

Vocabulary