Act one, scene eighteen

MINISTRY OF MAGIC, CORRIDOR

SCORPIUS/HARRY: And you’re sure it’s in there?

A guard walks past. SCORPIUS/HARRY and DELPHI/HERMIONE try to affect performances.

Yes, Minister, I definitely think this is a matter for the Ministry to ponder at length, yes.

GUARD (with a nod): Minister.

DELPHI/HERMIONE: Let’s ponder it together.

He walks on, they let out a sigh of relief.

It was my uncle’s idea to use the Veritaserum — we slipped it into a visiting Ministry official’s drink. He told us that the Time-Turner had been kept and even told us where — the office of the Minister for Magic herself.

She indicates a door. Suddenly they hear a noise.

HERMIONE (from off): Harry... we should talk about it...

HARRY (from off): There’s nothing to talk about.

DELPHI/HERMIONE: Oh no.

ALBUS/RON: Hermione. And Dad.

The panic is instant and infectious.

SCORPIUS/HARRY: Okay. Hiding places. No hiding places. Anyone know any Invisibility Charms?

DELPHI/HERMIONE: Do we go... in her office?

ALBUS/RON: She’ll be coming to her office.

DELPHI/HERMIONE: There’s nowhere else.

She tries the door. She tries it again.

HERMIONE (from off): If you don’t talk to me or Ginny about it...

SCORPIUS/HARRY: Stand back. Alohomora!

He aims his wand at the door. The door swings open. He grins — delighted.

Albus. Block her. It has to be you.

HARRY (from off): What is there to say?

ALBUS/RON: Me. Why?

DELPHI/HERMIONE: Well, it can’t be either of us, can it? We are them.

HERMIONE (from off): What you said was obviously wrong — but — there are more factors at play here than —

ALBUS/RON: But I can’t... I can’t...

There’s a small kerfuffle and then ALBUS/RON ends up standing outside the door as HERMIONE and HARRY enter from off.

HARRY: Hermione, I’m grateful for your concern but there’s no need —

HERMIONE: Ron?

ALBUS/RON: Surprise!!!

HERMIONE: What are you doing here?

ALBUS/RON: Does a man need an excuse to see his wife?

He kisses HERMIONE firmly.

HARRY: I should go...

HERMIONE: Harry. My point is... whatever Draco says — the things you said to Albus... I don’t think it’ll do any of us any good for you to dwell on it.

ALBUS/RON: Oh, you’re talking about how Harry said sometimes he wished I — (he corrects himself) Albus weren’t his son.

HERMIONE: Ron!

ALBUS/RON: Better out than in, that’s what I say...

HERMIONE: He’ll know... We all say stuff we don’t mean. He knows that.

ALBUS/RON: But what if sometimes we say stuff we do mean... What then?

HERMIONE: Ron, now’s not the time, honestly.

ALBUS/RON: Of course it isn’t. Bye-bye, darling.

ALBUS/RON watches her go, hopeful she’ll walk past her office and away. But of course she doesn’t. He runs to block her before she enters through her door. He blocks her once, and then blocks her again, swinging his hips to do so.

HERMIONE: Why are you blocking the entrance to my office?

ALBUS/RON: I’m not. Blocking. Anything.

She again makes for the door, he blocks her again.

HERMIONE: You are. Let me into my room, Ron.

ALBUS/RON: Let’s have another baby.

HERMIONE tries to dodge past him.

HERMIONE: What?

ALBUS/RON: Or if not another baby, a holiday. I want a baby or a holiday and I’m going to insist on it. Shall we talk about it later, honey?

She tries to get into the room one final time, he blocks her with a kiss. It develops into quite a struggle.

Maybe with a drink in the Leaky Cauldron? Love you.

HERMIONE (relenting): If there is another stink pellet in there then Merlin won’t help you. Fine. We’re due to update the Muggles anyway.

She exits. HARRY exits with her.

ALBUS/RON turns towards the door. She reenters, this time, alone.

A baby — OR — a holiday? Some days you are off the scale, you know that?

ALBUS/RON: It’s why you married me, isn’t it? My puckish sense of fun.

She exits again. He starts to open the door but again she reenters, he slams it closed.

HERMIONE: I can taste fish. I told you to stay away from those fishfinger sandwiches.

ALBUS/RON: Right you are.

She exits. He checks she’s gone and the relief floods out of him as he opens the door.