Schedule your reinforcement so change lasts.

When you're beginning to establish a new behavior or a new emotional pattern, it's very important that you reinforce yourself or anyone else you're trying to establish these new patterns for. In the beginning, every time you perform the desired behavior (for example, pushing a plate away with food still on it), you need to give yourself acknowledgement— pleasurable reinforcement of a type that you truly will appreciate and enjoy. However, if you reinforce the behavior every time thereafter, eventually your rewards will no longer be effective or appreciated. What at one time was a unique and enjoyable surprise will become an expected norm.

Because of my commitment to help those in need, whenever I go through airports, I invariably give to those who request money. I'll never forget one particular gentleman who had staked his claim in a particular spot in front of a terminal I frequented. Every time I came by, I gave him some money. On one morning, I was very rushed and had no money in my pocket. As I walked quickly by, I smiled and said, " Hello! I'm sorry, but I don't have any money today." He became angry because I was no longer giving him something that he once was thrilled to receive from me.

You and I need to remember that the element of pleasant surprise is one of the most enjoyable experiences that a human being can have. It's so much more important than most of us realize. This is the very reason why, if you want a behavior to last long-term, it's invaluable that you understand and utilize what's known as a variable schedule of reinforcement.

Let me give you a simple example from dolphin training. In the beginning, to train a dolphin to jump, trainers wait for the dolphin to jump on its own. They catch the animals doing something right and then reward it with a fish. By doing this each time the dolphin jumps on its own, the dolphin eventually makes the neuro-association that if he jumps, he'll get a fish. This pairing of pleasure to a behavior that the trainer desires allows the trainer to condition the dolphin to jump again and again.

Eventually, though, the trainer will give the fish only when the dolphin jumps higher. By slowly raising the standards, the trainer can shape the dolphin's behavior. Here's the key: if the dolphin is always re-

warded, he may become habituated and will no longer give 100 percent. So, in the future, the dolphin is rewarded sometimes after the first jump or perhaps after the fifth, or after the second. A dolphin is

never sure which jump will be rewarded. This sense of anticipation that a reward may be given, coupled with the uncertainty as to which try will be rewarded, causes the dolphin to consistently give its full effort. The reward is never taken for granted.

This is the identical force that drives people to gamble. Once they've gambled and been rewarded—and linked intense pleasure to the reward—that excitement and anticipation pushes them to go forward.

When they haven't been rewarded in a while, often they have an even stronger sense that this time they'll be rewarded. What drives the gambler is the possibility of winning again. If a person were to gamble without ever receiving a reward, they would give up. However, receiving just a few small rewards, winning just a few hands, " earning" back just some of their money, keeps them in a state of anticipation that they could hit the jackpot.

This is why people who discontinue a bad habit (like smoking or gambling) for a period of months, and then decide to have " just one more hit, " are actually reinforcing the very pattern that they're trying to break and making it much more difficult to be free of the habit for a lifetime. If you smoke one more cigarette, you're stimulating your nervous system to expect that in the future you'll reward yourself this way again. You're keeping that neuro-association highly active and, in fact, strengthening the very habit you're trying to break!

If you want to reinforce a person's behavior long term, you may want to utilize what's known as a fixed schedule of reinforcement. In her book, Karen Pryor describes training a dolphin to make ten jumps. In order to make sure that the dolphin consistently jumps ten times, you'll want to reward them on the tenth jump each and every time. You can't demand too many behaviors before reinforcement occurs, but if the dolphin is rewarded only on the tenth jump, the dolphin soon learns that it does not need to make as great an effort on the previous nine jumps, and quality declines.

This is the same reaction we might see in people who receive a paycheck every two weeks. Employees know there are certain things expected of them, for which they receive regular compensation. The challenge is that many people learn to do only the minimum necessary to receive the reward because there is no surprise. In the workplace, pay is expected, of course. But if it is the only reward, then workers will do only what is expected and the minimum they can do for the pay. However, if there are occasional surprises—like recognition, bonuses, promotions, and other perks—then they will put forth the extra effort, in hopes and anticipation that they'll be rewarded and acknowledged. Remember, these surprises must not be predictable, or they become ineffective and taken for granted—this expectation will drive the behavior.

Vary your rewards, and you'll see greater results in making change within yourself or anyone you're managing. There is a third tool for reinforcement that can also be used: it's known as the jackpot. A jackpot can help you to compound the reinforcement. If, for example, once in a rare while you give a dolphin not only one fish, but three or four, for its behavior, it makes the dolphin anticipate even more that if it just puts out that extra effort, there might be a huge reward. This compels the dolphin to consistently give more of itself.

Human beings respond similarly. Often in companies, when people are given a reward that's much greater than anticipated, it can create great motivation to continue to give great service in the future with the anticipation that they may receive an even greater reward. This same principle can work like magic with your children!

CREATE A " JUMP-START"

The jackpot principle can also be used with someone who's not motivated to produce any results whatsoever. Again, if dolphin trainers have an animal which they seem to be unable to motivate at all, they will sometimes give it a dozen fish, even though it has done nothing to earn it. The pleasure that this creates is sometimes enough to break the dolphin's old pattern and put it into a state of such pleasure that it then becomes willing to be trained. Again, human beings are similar. If someone who seems not to have done anything right is suddenly given a reward, just out of compassion and caring, this can stimulate them to take on new levels and types of behavior and performance.

The most important thing to remember about conditioning, however, is to reinforce the desired behavior immediately. The minute you find yourself responding playfully to what used to frustrate you, reinforce yourself. Do it again and create even more pleasure. Laugh a bit. Remember, each time you create a strong emotional feeling, either positive or negative, you're creating a connection in your nervous system. If you repeat that pattern again and again, visualizing the same imagery that makes you feel strong or makes you laugh, you'll find it easier to be strong or to laugh in the future. The pattern will be well established.

The minute you, or anyone you want to reinforce, does something right, create an immediate reward. Reinforce it consistently with the kind of reward that you, or that individual, personally want or desire most.

Give yourself the emotional reward of turning on your favorite music or smiling or seeing yourself accomplishing your goals. Conditioning is critical. This is how we produce consistent results. Once again, remember that any pattern of emotional behavior that is reinforced or rewarded on a consistent basis will become conditioned and automatic. Any pattern that we fail to reinforce will eventually dissipate. Now that you've accomplished the first five steps, let's go to the final step....

NAC MASTER STEP 6

Test It!

Let's review what you've accomplished: you've decided upon the new pattern of emotion or behavior that you desire; you've gotten leverage on yourself to change it; you've interrupted the old pattern; you've found a new alternative; and you've conditioned it until it's consistent. The only step left is to test it to make sure that it's going to work in the future. One of the ways of doing this that's taught in Neuro-Linguistic Programming is " future pacing." This means that you imagine the situation that used to frustrate you, for example, and notice if in fact it still makes you feel frustrated or if your new pattern of feeling " fascinated" has replaced it. If normally you still have this urge to smoke every time you feel overwhelmed, imagine yourself in an overwhelming situation and notice if instead you have an urge to read or run or whatever new alternative you've conditioned. By imagining the same stimuli that used to trigger your old emotion or behavior and noting that you do feel certain that your new empowering alternative is automatic, you will know that this new pattern will work for you in the future.

In addition, you must test the ecology of the change you've just made. The word " ecology" implies the study of consequences. What will the impact of these changes you've made in yourself have on those around you? Will they support your business and personal relationships? Make certain that this new pattern will be appropriate, based on your current lifestyle, beliefs, and values.

On the next page is a simple checklist that you can use to help yourself be certain that your new success pattern will last and that it's appropriate.

If your attempt at creating this pattern didn't last, you need to recycle back to Step 1. Are you really clear about what you want and why you want it?

Review Step 2; most people who've tried unsuccessfully to make a change usually don't have enough leverage. You may need to make a public commitment in order to get more leverage on yourself. Make it to those people who will not let you off the hook!

If you feel that there's enough leverage, check Step 3: if you know what you want and you've got enough leverage, it's very possible that you're like the fly beating itself repeatedly against the window pane. You've done the same things over and over again, with more and more intensity, but you haven't changed your approach. You must interrupt your pattern. If you feel that all these steps are in place, go to Step 4. If your efforts still have not produced a change, you're dearly demonstrating that you've left out this step. Find a new, empowering alternative for getting yourself out of pain and into pleasure that is as powerful and convenient as your old approach was. All this means is that you now have an opportunity to explore being a little more creative. Find a role model-somebody else who's been able to eliminate this habit or negative set of emotions that you want to change.

THE ECOLOGY CHECK

1. Make certain pain is fully associated with the old pattern. When you think of your old behavior or feelings, do you picture and feel things that are painful now instead of pleasurable?

2. Make certain pleasure is fully associated with the new pattern. When you think of your new behavior or feelings, do you picture and feel things that are pleasurable now instead of painful?

3. Align with your values, beliefs, and rules. Is the new behavior or feeling consistent with the values, beliefs, and rules in your life? (We will discuss these in later chapters.)

4. Make sure the benefits of the old pattern have been maintained. Will the new behavior or feeling still allow you to get benefits and feelings of pleasure that you used to get from the old pattern?

5. Future pace—Imagine yourself behaving in this new way in the future. Imagine the thing that would have triggered you to adopt the old pattern. Feel certain that you can use your new pattern instead of the old one.

If you've started to make a change, but then not followed through, you obviously haven't reinforced your pattern with enough pleasure. Use Step 5, conditioning. Utilize both variable and fixed schedules of reinforcement to make sure that your new, empowering pattern lasts. The six steps of NAC can be used for anything: challenges with relationships, problems in business, being stuck in a pattern of yelling at your children. Let's say you worry too much about things over which you have no control. How can you use the six steps to change this disempowering pattern?

1) Ask yourself, " What do I want to do instead of worry? "

2) Get leverage on yourself and realize what worry does to destroy your life. Bring it to a threshold; see what it would cost you ultimately in your life so that you're not willing to pay that price anymore. Imagine the joy of getting this monkey off your back and being truly free once and for all!

3) Interrupt the pattern! Every time you worry, break the pattern by being totally outrageous. Stick your finger up your nose, or belt out " Oh, What a Beautiful Morning! " at the top of your lungs.

4) Create an empowering alternative. What will you do instead of worry? Pull out your journal and write down a plan of what you can do immediately instead. Maybe you can go for a run, and while you're running, you can think of new solutions.

5) Condition the new pattern; vividly imagine and rehearse this new pattern with tremendous emotional intensity and repetition until this new thought, behavior or emotional pattern is automatic. Reinforce yourself by taking the first step: see yourself succeeding again and again. Seeing

the results in advance can give you the pleasure you desire. Again, use repetition and emotional intensity to condition the new pattern until it's consistent.

6) Test it and see if it works. Think about the situation that used to worry you, and see that you no longer worry in this situation. You can even use these same six master steps of NAC to negotiate a

contract.

1) The first step is to lay the groundwork. Get clear about what you want and what has prevented you from getting it. What does the other person want? What's in it for both of you? How will you know you have a successful contract?

2) Get leverage by getting that person to link pain to not making the deal, and pleasure to making it.

3) Interrupt the pattern of any belief or idea that's keeping the deal from moving ahead.

4) Create an alternative that neither of you thought of before that will meet both your needs.

5) Reinforce that alternative by constantly reinforcing the pleasure and the positive impact of this alternative.

6) See if it's going to work out for everybody, a win-win situation. If so, negotiate to a successful conclusion.

The same principles can be used to get the kids to clean their rooms, improve the quality of your marriage, boost your company's level of quality, get more enjoyment out of your job, and make your country a better place to live.

By the way, sometimes our kids use these same six steps on us in abbreviated form. Remember what I said: if you get enough leverage and interrupt somebody's pattern strongly enough, they'll find a new pattern and condition it. A friend of mine tried almost everything he knew to stop smoking. Finally his pattern was broken. How? His six-year-old daughter walked in one day while he was lighting up. She knew what she wanted, she had massive leverage, and she interrupted his pattern by crying, " Daddy, please stop killing yourself! "

" Honey, " he said, " what are you talking about? What's wrong? " She repeated herself. He said, " Honey, I'm not killing myself." She nodded her head, pointed to the cigarette and sobbed, " Daddy, please stop killing yourself! I want you to be there... when I get m-a-r-r-i-e-d..."

This was a man who'd tried to quit dozens of times, and nothing had worked—until then. The cigarettes were out the door that day, and he hasn't smoked since. With his heartstrings firmly grasped in her tiny hands, she instantly got what she wanted. Since then he's found many alternatives to smoking that give him the same pleasurable sensations.

If all you do is the first three steps of NAC, that may be enough to create tremendous change. Once you've decided what you want, gained leverage, and interrupted the pattern, life often provides you with new ways of looking at things. And if the leverage is strong enough, you'll be compelled to find a new pattern and condition it—and you can pretty much count on the world to give you the test. Now you have the NAC of change! The key is to use it. But you won't unless you know what you're using it for. You've got to know what you truly desire; you must find...

HOW TO GET WHAT YOU REALLY WANT

" All emotions are pure which gather you and lift you

up; that emotion is impure which seizes only one

side of your being and so distorts you."

tIAlKTCD 1JADTA 0 I 1 V C

RAINER MARIA R1LKE

" Gimme my first attack." * Elvis Presley always called for his first hit this way, fulfilling a bizarre daily ritual designed to make sure the King of Heartbreak Hotel got to sleep after a strenuous night performing. Elvis's assistant would open the first envelope and give him " the usual": a rainbow-colored assortment of barbiturates (Amytal, Carbrital, Nembutal or Seconal), Quaaludes, Valium, and Placidyl, followed by three shots of Demerol injected just below his bare shoulder blades.

Before he went to sleep, Elvis's kitchen staff, which was on duty around the clock, would go to work. It then became a race to see how much food the King could consume before falling asleep. Typically, he'd eat three cheeseburgers and six or seven banana splits before nodding off[52]. Often, his assistants would have to dislodge food from his windpipe to keep him from choking to death. Elvis would then sleep for about four hours before stirring[53].

So groggy[54] that he had to be carried to the bathroom, he would make his second request by feebly[55] tugging[56] at his assistant's shin[57]. Elvis was unable to take the drugs himself, so the aide would pop the pills into his mouth, and carefully pour water down his throat. Elvis was rarely able to ask for the third attack. Instead, as a matter of routine, an aide would administer the dosage and let him continue to sleep until mid-afternoon, when the bloated[58] King would jump-start his body by popping Dexedrine and stuffing cocaine-soaked[59] swabs[60] up his nose before taking to the stage again.

On the day of his death, Elvis remained lucid and saved all of the " attacks" for one fatal dose. Why would a man, so universally adored by fans and seeming to have it all, regularly abuse his body and then take his own life in such a horrific way? According to David Stanley, Elvis's half brother, it was because he much preferred being drugged and numb to being conscious and miserable.

Unfortunately it's not difficult to think of other famous figures—people at the top of their professions in the arts and business—who also brought about their own demise, either directly or indirectly. Think of writers like Ernest Hemingway and Sylvia Plath, actors like William Holden and Freddie Prinze, singers like Mama Cass Elliot and Janis Joplin. What do these people have in common? First, they're no longer

here, and we all experienced the loss. Second, they were all sold a bill of goods that said, " Someday, someone, somehow, something... and then I'll be happy." But when they achieved success, when they arrived on Easy Street and got a firsthand look at the American Dream, they found that happiness still eluded them. So they continued to chase it, keeping the pain of existence at bay by drinking, smoking, overeating, until finally they got the oblivion[61] they craved[62]. They never discovered the true

source of happiness.

What these people demonstrated is something all too familiar to so many people: 1) They didn't know what they really wanted out of life, so they distracted themselves with a variety of artificial mood alterants. 2) They developed not just neurological pathways, but expressways to pain. And their habits were driving them down these highways On a regular basis. Despite achieving the levels of success they'd once only dreamed of, and despite being surrounded by the love and admiration of millions of fans, they had far more references for pain. They became quite adept at generating it quickly and easily because they'd made virtual trunk lines to it. 3) They didn't know how to make themselves feel good. They had to turn to some outside force to help them deal with the present. 4)

They never learned the nuts and bolts of how to consciously direct the focus of their own minds. They allowed the pain and pleasure of their environments to control them rather than taking control themselves. Now, contrast these stories with a letter I received recently from a woman who utilized my work to utterly[63] and completely change the quality of her life:

Dear Tony,

I had been severely abused my entire life from infancy until the death of my second husband. As a result of the abuse and severe trauma, I developed a mental illness known as Multiple Personality Disorder with forty-nine different personalities. None of my personalities knew about the others, or what had happened in each of their lives.

The only relief I had in forty-nine years of living as a multiple was in the form of self-destructive behavior. I know it sounds strange, but self-mutilation used to give relief. After one of my many attempts at suicide, 1 was sent to the hospital and put under a doctor's care. In order to integrate the personalities, I had to go back to the original trauma that created each personality. That trauma had to be remembered, relived, and felt. Each of my alters handled a specific function, a selective ability to remember, and usually a single emotional tone. I worked with an expert in the field of MPD, and he helped me to integrate all forty-nine personalities into one. What kept me going through all of the different processes we used was feeling that many of my people were very unhappy and my life had become so chaotic (one alter did not know what the other was doing, and we found ourselves in all kinds of situations and places that when I switched, I had no memory of). We thought that by becoming one we would be happy—the ultimate goal. That was my misconception. What a shocker! I lived a year of hell. I found myself very unhappy and grieving for each of my personalities. I missed each of my people and sometimes wanted them back the way they were. This was very difficult, and I made three more attempts at suicide that year, and again was admitted to a hospital.

During the past year, I happened to see your program on TV and ordered your thirty-day tape series. Personal Power. I listened to them over and over, grasping at anything that I could use. My breakthrough came when I started to listen to your monthly POWERTALKs. I learned things from you as a single being that I never learned as a multiple. I learned for the first time in fifty years that happiness comes from within. As a single being I now have the memories of the horrors that each of the forty-nine endured. When these memories come up I can look at them, and if they became overbearing, I can now change my point of focus as I learned from you, and not in a dissociative way as I had done before. No longer do I have to put myself in an amnesiac trance and switch to another

person. I am learning more and more about myself, and am learning how to live as a single being. I know that I have a long way to go and a lot of exploring to do. I am sorting out my goals and planning how to get there, for now, I have begun to lose weight and plan to be at goal weight for Christmas (a nice gift to me). I also know that I would like to have a healthy, nonabusive relationship with a man.

Previous to my hospital admittance, I worked full-time for IBM and had four businesses. Today, I am running a new business and am enjoying the increased sales I have been able to realize since my release from the hospital. I am getting to know my children and grandchildren, but most importantly, I'm getting to know me."

Sincerely,

Elizabeth Pietrzak