Meaning is often a matter of focus

If you've scheduled a business meeting, and someone is not there on time, how you feel is based strictly on what you focus on. Do you represent in your mind that the reason they are not there is that they don't care, or do you interpret it as their having great difficulties in getting to the meeting? Whichever you focus on will definitely affect your emotions. What it you were upset with them, and the real reason they were late is that they were fighting to get a better bid on the business proposal they were bringing you? Remember, whatever we focus on will determine how we feel. Maybe we shouldn't jump to conclusions; we should choose what to focus on very carefully.

Focus determines whether you perceive your reality as good or bad, whether you feel happy or sad. A fantastic metaphor for the power of focus is racing cars—a real passion for me. Driving a Formula race car can sometimes make flying a jet helicopter seem like a very relaxing experience! In a race car you cannot allow your focus to wander even for a moment from your outcome. Your attention can't be limited to where you are; neither can it be stuck in the past or fixed too far in the future. While remaining fully aware of where you are, you have to be anticipating what's about to happen in the near future.

This was one of the first lessons I learned when I started racing school. The instructors put me in what's called a " skid car" —an auto-mobile that has a computer built into it with hydraulic lifts that can pull any wheel off the ground on a moment's signal from the instructor. The number-one fundamental they teach in driving is: Focus on where you want to go, not on what you fear.

If you start to skid out of control, the tendency, of course, is to look at the wall. But if you keep focusing on it, that's exactly where you'll end up. Drivers know that you go where you look; you travel in the direction of your focus. If you resist your fear, have faith, and focus on where you want to go, your actions will take you in that direction, and if it's possible to turn out of it, you will—but you stand no chance if you focus on what you fear. Invariably people say, " What if you're going to crash anyway? "

The answer is that you increase your chances by focusing on what you want. Focusing on the solution is always to your benefit. If you have too much momentum in the direction of the wall, then focusing on the problem just before the crash is not going to help you anyway.

When the instructors first explained this to me, I nodded my head and thought, " Of course! I know all about this. After all, I teach this stuff." My first time out on the road I was screaming along, and all of a sudden, unbeknownst to me, they pushed the button. I started to skid out of control. Where do you think my eyes went? You bet! Right at the wall! In the final seconds, I was terrified because I knew I was going to hit it. The instructor grabbed my head and yanked it to the left, forcing me to look in the direction I needed to go. We kept skidding, and I knew we were going to crash, but I was forced to look only in the direction I wanted to go. Sure enough, as I looked in that direction, I couldn't help but turn the wheel accordingly. It caught at the last moment, and we pulled out. You can imagine my relief.

One thing that's useful to know about all of this: when you change your focus, often you don't immediately change direction. Isn't that true in life as well? Often there's a lag time between when you redirect your focus and when your body and your life's experience catch up. That's all the more reason to start focusing on what you want quicker and not wait any longer with the problem.

Did I learn my lesson? No. I'd had an experience, but I had not created a strong enough neuro-association. I had to condition in the new pattern. So sure enough, the next time I headed for the wall, the instructor had to loudly remind me to look at my goal. On the third time, though, I turned my head deliberately and consciously. I trusted it, and it worked. After doing it enough times, now when I go into a skid, wham! my head goes where I want it to go, the wheel turns, and my car follows.

Does this guarantee I'll always succeed by controlling my focus? No. Does it increase my chances? One hundredfold! The same thing is true in life. In later chapters, you'll learn some ways to make sure you condition your focus to be positive. For now, realize that you've got to discipline your mind. A mind out of control will play tricks on you. Directed, it's your greatest friend.

" Ask and you will receive. Seek and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you."

MATTHEW 7: 7

The most powerful way to control focus is through the use of questions. For whatever you ask, your brain provides an answer; whatever you look for, you'll find. If you ask, " Why is this person taking advantage of me? " you're going to focus on how you're being taken advantage of, whether it's true or not. If you ask, " How can I turn this around? " you'll get a more empowering answer. Questions are such a powerful tool for changing your life, I've reserved the next chapter to talk exclusively about them.

They are one of the most powerful and simple ways to change the way you're feeling about virtually anything, and thus change the direction of your life at a moment's notice. Questions provide the key to unlocking our unlimited potential.

One of the best illustrations of this is the story of a young man who grew up in Alabama. About fifteen years ago, a seventh-grade bully picked a fight with him, punched him in the nose and knocked him out. When the boy regained consciousness, he vowed[65] to get revenge and kill the bully. He went home, grabbed his mother's.22, and set out to find his target. In a matter of moments, his destiny hung in the balance. With the bully in his gun sight, he could simply fire and his schoolmate would be history. But at that very instant, he asked himself a question: What will happen to me if I pull the trigger? And another image came into focus: a picture as painful as any imaginable. In that split second which would take the boy's life in one of two very different directions, he visualized, with chilling clarity, what it would be like to go to jail. He pictured having to stay up all night to keep the other prisoners from raping him. That potential pain was greater than the anticipation of revenge. He rearmed his gun, and shot a tree.

This boy was Bo Jackson, and as he describes this scene in his biography, there's no question that at that pivot point in his life, the pain associated with prison was a force more powerful than the pleasure of satisfaction he thought killing the other boy would bring. One change in focus, one decision about pain and pleasure, probably made the difference between a kid with no future and one of the greatest athletic success stories of our time.

" As the fletcher whittles and makes straight his arrows, so the master directs his straying thoughts." THE BUDDHA