CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

Pat was actually nervous as she drove through the gates to the ranch on Monday morning. She had spent nearly all of Sunday recalling the kiss beside Carly's Jeep. In her mind, it had turned into much more than a kiss. She could practically feel Carly's breasts in her hands, could taste their softness.

" You can't possibly be in love with her. You've hardly kissed her." Then she met her eyes in the mirror and grinned. " And you really need to stop talking to yourself."

Pat resisted the pull of the ranch house and purposefully drove past Carly's Jeep and on to the bay. She was too late for the sunrise, but she would walk the shore again and check out the sandbar. And later, she wanted to check out the egrets. It was sunny. Maybe she could get some shots of the nest today.

She dutifully tucked her field guide into her camera bag. Not that she thought she would use it. It would take her forever to find the damn bird in the book. So much easier to describe it and let some birder tell her the name. But later, she was squatted on the sand, watching a group of shorebirds in the small cove behind the sandbar. Her field guide was lying open across her knees.

She lowered her binoculars for the third time and flipped through the pages.

" Why isn't it in the goddamn book? "

" They're Black-necked Stilts."

Pat jumped, spilling the field guide and binoculars onto the sand.

" Jesus Christ! Are you trying to give me a heart attack? "

Carly laughed and sat down next to Pat, picking up her book and finding the right page. She pointed at the picture.

" Black-necked Stilt."

Pat narrowed her eyes and gave Carly her best glare. It caused more laughter.

" Oh, please. Are you trying to scare me? "

" I hate birders. Have I told you that? "

" I'm sure you have."

" How did you know what page it was on? "

Carly smiled. Sometimes, Pat was so innocent, so bewildered, that Carly just wanted to wrap her in her arms and hold her. And kiss her, she added.

" Pat, all field guides are the same. Every one of them start with the loons. Then water birds and wadding birds, then ducks. Then the hawks. Then the shorebirds. And all down the line, ending with the sparrows."

" Well, that's just lovely to know. And I'm not even going to tell you what I'd decided it was."

" Please don't say a miniature heron, " Carly teased.

" One of these sandpipers here, " Pat said, pointing at a picture.

" They don't look anything like sandpipers."

Pat flashed a grin, letting Carly know that she was teasing. Carly grinned back.

" And why are you sneaking up on me? "

Yes, why Carly? Why did you watch her Jeep drive past the ranch house, feeling disappointed that she didn't stop? And why did you follow her? Why are you sitting here now, as if there is nothing better to do? Because you missed her, that's why.

" They're going to start on the marshes today, " she said. " I thought you might want to get some shots. And, if you want, you can go with me to the back. I'm going to mark off the other marshes that I want to dig out next."

" You need help, don't you? You're going to make me work, " Pat accused.

Carly pulled her knees to her chin and circled them with her arms, watching Pat. Carly decided she had never met a more attractive woman. And with her hair pulled through the back of her baseball cap, Pat looked adorable. She met her blue eyes without flinching. Yes, she was going to make her work. But not because she needed help. Only because she wanted to be in Pat's company.

" Yes, " she finally said.

" Okay." Pat smiled and then reached out and playfully pulled one of Carly's fingers. " But you'll owe me. There'll be paybacks."

" I don't doubt that for a minute."

They spent the rest of the morning walking the would-be marshes, Pat dutifully holding the rope that Carly had staked down while Carly walked to the next marker, stretching it tight. Their conversation was pleasant, although impersonal. Neither of them mentioned last evening...or the kiss that they had shared.

Pat left shortly after lunch, which she'd shared with Carly and Elsa. She had prints to pick up and she was ready to put together her layout for the magazine. She left with just a wave, telling them she'd be back later in the week.

Carly felt oddly depressed once the photographer had left. She had purposefully kept their conversation light while they worked. She didn't want to bring up last night. She was surprised that Pat, too, seemed to avoid the subject. She should be thankful.

But she used the excuse of the fresh paint smell to escape upstairs to her apartment. She settled at her computer, intent on answering email and working on the mailing list. The printers had promised her the brochure would be ready in two weeks. She already had the mailing labels. It was just a matter of gathering help to put the thousands of labels on the brochures. She could have had the printers do it, but the cost was enormous. She decided, with their budget, to do it by hand. Elsa and Martin would help, of course. And perhaps Pat.

" Are you okay? " Elsa asked from the doorway.

" Yes. Why? " She pulled her eyes away from the email she had scaresly read.

" You've just been kinda quiet."

" I'm fine, Elsa."

" Pat? "

" What about her? "

Elsa smiled and walked into the room, perching on the edge of Carly's desk.

" You like her? "

" I like her fine, " Carly said.

" You know what I mean, " Elsa said.

" Elsa, don't, " Carly warned. " Pat is becoming a friend. That's all."

" So, you're going to hide from this then? "

" Hide? What are you talking about? "

" I've seen the way she looks at you. And whether you like it or not, I've seen the way you look at her."

" I do not look at her, " Carly insisted.

" Carly, you can't go the rest of your life denying that you could possibly feel something for another person. You had a bad experience. Do you think you're the only one? "

" A bad experience? I almost fucking killed myself, " Carly yelled. " Over a woman. A woman who lied to me for four years. And I didn't know it. I will never be put in that situation again."

" So you let Carol ruin your life? That's your answer? "

" I...I can't do it, Elsa."

" Pat would be good for you. She is good for you. She makes you laugh. I haven't seen you laugh in years, Carly."

Carly stared at Elsa. Was it true? Did she not laugh? No, not really. She told herself she was happy with her life. And she was. She was happy enough, anyway. She was close to her family. She had a handful of very good friends. But Pat...yes, Pat made her laugh. Carly raised her eyes to Elsa, not trying to hide the tears that threatened.

" She scares me, " she admitted quietly. " She's gotten inside me, " Carly said. " And I don't know what to do."

" You have to let the past go, Carly. You know yourself, you've not been really living, you've just been existing. You deserve to be happy."

Carly reached out and took Elsa's hand and squeezed.

" Thank you. You're a good friend."

" Yes, I know. And so are you. And it makes me feel good to see you laugh. And she's the one that makes you laugh."

" Yes. She is."

" Okay. Well, I'm glad we could have this little chat. I hope you take some of it to heart."

" What if I promise that I'll try? Will that make you feel better? "

" It's a start, Carly."