CHAPTER SIXTY-ONE

" Two have opted to stay with Dr. Andrews, " Catherine said, as she went over her notes.

Nicole nodded. " That's fine." She twirled her pen absently between her fingers, wondering what she was doing here. Wondering why she wasn't at the hospital, sitting with Jake. Wondering why she was listening to Dorothy yet again.

" I've pretty much booked you up for the next two days. The group session will be tomorrow. Everyone is anxious to get back at it."

" I can't believe, after what was in the paper this morning, that they're still willing to see me."

Catherine shrugged. " Well, he's dead."

" Yeah. And I should have taken a week or two off, " Nicole murmured.

" Do you want to? "

Nicole sighed. " Dorothy says I've taken enough time off the past few weeks."

" Well, she knows best, of course, " Catherine said a little sarcastically.

" What do you mean by that? "

" Nothing." Catherine flipped a page on her notebook. " You've got a dinner scheduled Saturday night with Dr. Henson's group. It's been set for months, but I can try and change it if you'd like, " Catherine offered.

" No, that's fine."

" Patrice Kane called to remind you of the luncheon at the crisis center next Tuesday. She said to tell you that it will be a media event, with Deb Fisher scheduled to make an appearance."

Great. Deb Fisher. Nicole rubbed her forehead, wishing she could find some enthusiasm for these events that used to be so routine for her. A routine she used to be content with, but now it only seemed arduous and taxing. And depressing. She could find little joy in it all. In fact, it was very disheartening. Because now that the case was over, now that she could resume her practice, her life, there was really no place for Jake. Despite the fact that they both knew this would happen, even though they never discussed it, didn't make it any easier to accept. The reality was, Jake was out of her life. She could prolong it by going to the hospital, staying with her. But it didn't change the fact that Jake didn't fit in her life.

" And it hurts, " she murmured.

" What? "

Nicole opened her eyes, meeting Catherine's frown head on. " Nothing. I was just... nothing." Nicole cleared her throat. " Is that it? "

Catherine tidied her file and placed it in her lap, finally looking up at Nicole. " So, how is she today? "

Nicole didn't have to ask who Catherine referred to. " She still wasn't awake this morning. Rick and Steven were there."

Catherine shook her head disapprovingly. " You should be there when she wakes up."

Nicole leaned forward. " Yes, I would love to. Except someone scheduled appointments for me."

" Well, someone told me to get on the ball."

Nicole nodded. " Catherine, I think perhaps I wanted to jump back in full force, because if I didn't, I'd just put it off and want to stay..."

" With Jake? " Catherine guessed.

" I thought it would be easier to break away now, while she's... out of it, " Nicole confessed a bit guiltily.

" Why do you need to break away? "

Nicole stood and paced behind her desk, absently noting the snow flurries hitting her eighth-floor window. How did she tell Catherine that she was in danger of falling hopelessly in love with the woman? And the longer she stayed with her, the harder it would be to leave, the harder it would be to get back to her life.

" Nicole? "

Nicole stopped her pacing, her eyes sad as she looked at Catherine. " We had a good time together, Catherine. But we both knew it was temporary." She waved her hand at her office. " This is my life. Appointments, group sessions, arranged dinners and luncheons." She sighed. " And blind dates and outings with Dorothy's powerful group of women." She shrugged. " It's my life, but it could never be Jake's."

Catherine stared, shaking her head disapprovingly. " This has nothing to do with your so-called life. You're in love with her, and you're running from it."

" No. I'm not in love with her, " Nicole said forcefully, and she wondered if she was trying to convince Catherine or herself. " This is best. There's no need to prolong it."

" She's been shot, and she's in the hospital." Catherine stood and clutched the file to her chest. " I just can't believe you."

She turned and left, leaving Nicole staring after her.

When Nicole quietly opened the door to Jake's room, she was surprised to find the bed empty. She had a moment of panic and rushed back out. She grabbed the first nurse she could find.

" Detective McCoy? In room 1288? "

" Yes ma'am? "

" She's not in there."

" No. I believe she's in surgery."

" What happened? " Nicole demanded.

The nurse smiled reassuringly. " I'm sorry. You'll have to be in touch with her doctor or a family member."

" Where's Detective Chase? "

" He's been here all day. I would assume he's in the third floor waiting room."

Nicole nodded and hurried off, chastising herself. She should have been here. She should never have scheduled appointments this week until she was sure Jake was going to be fine. My God, she'd acted as if Jake meant nothing to her, as if the woman hadn't saved her life. As if... as if she didn't love her. Damn.

She hurried off the elevators on the third floor and walked down the familiar hallway. Rick sat alone, slumped down in the corner of the sofa. His eyes opened when she approached.

" What's going on, Rick? " she asked, not bothering with pleasantries.

He sat up and rubbed his eyes. " I'm not really sure. They wouldn't tell me much." He smirked. " Not family, you know."

" What did they tell you? "

" She had a lot of swelling in her thigh. Something about her artery not being clear."

" Blood clot? "

He shrugged.

" What about her parents? Has anyone tried to contact them? "

" No. For one thing, who knows where they are? I think Jake said they were going to Florida this winter." Rick sat up and stretched his back. " Anyway, she never called them this summer when she was laid up, either."

Nicole shook her head. " That makes no sense."

" She didn't want to worry them, didn't want them to feel like they had to come and stay with her."

" Are they just not very close? "

" I don't know. She doesn't talk about them much. I know they call and check in every once in awhile."

Nicole knew Jake was a loner and wasn't surprised that she didn't want anyone hovering over her while she was recuperating. She and Cheyenne had managed just fine. And no doubt, they would do it again. So, she sunk down on the worn sofa next to Rick and crossed her legs, wishing she'd taken the time to change into some comfortable clothes.

" I heard someone say it was snowing, " Rick said.

" Just flurries. But it's quite cold."

" I feel bad. I left Cheyenne outside this morning."

" I'm going to stay, Rick. Why don't you run to Jake's and check on her? "

" No, I don't want to leave."

" I'm sure you'll be back long before they even bring her out again."

Rick hesitated, knowing how much that dog meant to Jake, but not wanting to leave in case something happened. He finally nodded. " You're right. It won't take me long. You've got my cell? "

" Yes. I wrote it on the back of Jake's card."

" Okay. I'll be back as soon as I can."

" Be careful."

Nicole watched the elevator doors close then glanced around her, noting the handful of people who waited for loved ones. Again, she felt a pang of guilt that she hadn't been with Jake the whole time. Sunday night, she'd feared for her life, and Jake had come busting in the front door to save her. Now, Wednesday night, and she'd still not talked to Jake, not looked into her eyes. Not said... thank you.

She sighed heavily and closed her eyes, wondering when her life had become so complex. And wondering why she dreaded going back to the life she had before Jake walked into it.