CHAPTER SIXTY-SIX

Nicole moved between the throng of guests that crowded into Dorothy's spacious living room. She had expected a small dinner party, not this lavish affair with nearly thirty women. She smiled politely at a tuxedoed waiter who offered her a glass of wine. She found Irene, her red hair standing out in the crowd, and made her way toward her friend.

" You're late, " Irene accused. " Dorothy was afraid you'd be a no-show."

" I'm surprised she missed me in this crowd." Nicole leaned closer. " I don't know half these woman. Who are they? New recruits? "

Irene laughed. " You still view Dorothy's group as somewhat of a cult, don't you? "

" Isn't it? "

" Well, if so, you're a member, too."

Nicole looked around her, seeing a few familiar faces, most of whom she'd been out to dinner with. She spied Cheryl across the room, the surgeon's hair now platinum blond. Deb Fisher stood talking to Dorothy, her arms moving animatedly. The election was only a week away, and Deb had a slight lead in the polls. Although Nicole would never voice this to anyone here, she secretly hoped Deb Fisher lost the election. Her interest to run for mayor had nothing to do with bettering the city and its people. Her interest was for her own political gain and that of her very powerful friends.

" You came alone, I suppose."

Nicole nodded and sipped from her wine.

" Cheryl's here. She came alone, too."

Nicole rolled her eyes. " How many times do I have to tell you? I have zero interest in Cheryl."

" But why? She's beautiful, she's a surgeon, and she's available."

" I don't like her, Irene. She's one of the most conceited women I've ever met. I don't like her as a person. I certainly don't want to date her."

" You know, you're getting older, Nicole. You're fast approaching the age where you can't afford to be so... picky."

Nicole's eyes widened, not believing what she'd just heard. " Are you serious? Irene, I'm thirty-six, and I don't care if I was forty-six. I'm not going to date someone I don't like just because I'm getting older. Besides, there's nothing wrong with being alone."

" Nicole, you've not been out on a date in months. Dorothy seems to think you're still hung up on that cop."

Nicole swallowed with difficulty, the unexpected mention of Jake causing her heart to tighten painfully. She couldn't seem to get the woman out of her mind, out of her heart. At night, each and every night, her mind would fill with images of Jake, and Nicole would struggle with sleep as she tried to push Jake away, only to end up giving in and embracing the images. At night, she allowed herself to become the Nicole she longed to be, free and unencumbered with her position and her practice. Free to be who she was and free to be with the woman she loved. But the light of day brought back the reality of her life, and each morning, she dressed the part, donning an expensive suit and decorating her face perfectly. Only Catherine seemed to be able to see through her facade, but she'd long ago quit mentioning the sad look in Nicole's eyes.

" I don't know why Dorothy feels the need to be so involved in my life. And if I choose not to date, Irene, I don't feel that necessitates a major discussion among you all."

Irene only smiled and patted her arm. " So, you did feel something for the cop." Irene shrugged. " Patrice said she was a knock-out. But a cop, Nicole? Please. "

Nicole felt no need to argue. It was a moot point, really. Jake was gone. Nicole had let her walk right out of her life without a fight, pretending that all she felt for Jake was a physical attraction. Just sex. But four months had passed, and Nicole was no closer now to forgetting Jake than she'd been at Thanksgiving.

Taking a step away from Irene, Nicole looked around the room, wondering at the sudden isolation she felt. These people were acquaintances, not really friends. Even Dorothy, a woman she'd known nearly twelve years, wouldn't be considered a good friend. Nicole had always considered Irene her closest ally in the group, but now, she realized that Irene was just playing the game, too. Nicole nearly laughed. All the beautiful, closeted lesbians in one house, all pretending to be ecstatically happy in their lives. And no doubt, some truly were. Dorothy, for instance. She'd lived this life for so long, she knew none other. Deb Fisher, too, seemed immune to the trappings of living this way. She'd embraced the lifestyle and the benefits that went with being in Dorothy Peterson's inner circle.

It was suddenly all too much for Nicole. She'd sacrificed her independence by catering to Dorothy all these years. Dorothy had taken her in, had given her a start. Dorothy had funneled clients her way over the years, helping to build her practice. She'd always felt like she owed Dorothy. But something Matthew Gregory had said that fateful night still nagged at her. On the pretense that Dorothy couldn't help them, but perhaps Nicole could, she'd shoved off patient after patient to Nicole, those whose insurance had run out, those who were about to end their counseling anyway. No loss for Dorothy, but no gain for Nicole, either. Only unpaid bills when she found their insurance cancelled. But still, she stuck with Dorothy, afraid to alienate her, afraid to be banished from the group. She'd sacrificed her professional life, but worse, she'd sacrificed her personal life. She let the one person she truly cared about walk out of her life, just because someone told her that Jake didn't fit in her life, in their life.

" Well, fuck that, " she whispered.

" What? "

Nicole blinked, not realizing she'd spoken out loud. She met Irene's questioning gaze and smiled. " I said, 'fuck that, ' " she repeated.

" Are you okay? "

" Actually, I feel great. See you around, Irene, " Nicole said as she turned away.

" Wait? Where are you going? "

Nicole smiled. " Home. I'm going home."

" But we haven't eaten. Are you ill? "

" Not ill, no. I just came to my senses is all. Give Dorothy my regards, would you? "

Nicole blindly set her wineglass down, ignoring the curious stares as she snatched up her purse and coat from the spare bedroom. She heard Dorothy calling her name as the front door slammed shut, but she didn't stop. It felt too good to be escaping like this and, little by little, she felt the tension leave her, felt the tightness she'd been living with ease up. She looked up into the cold night sky, seeing the twinkling of stars overhead. Free. She always wondered what it would feel like to break away from them. She laughed as her breath frosted around her. She was going to the mountains.