Cultural Note. People experience similar emotions all over the world, but sometimes express them differently

People experience similar emotions all over the world, but sometimes express them differently. Children see their parents expressing such emotions as sadness and anger and, when they grow up, they express them in more or less the same way. In some parts of the world, people express these emotions very freely and you can read their faces like a book. In other parts of the world, it is not always as easy to know what another person is feeling.

Boys and girls are sometimes taught different things about expressing sadness. Some American parents let their little girls cry, but feel uncomfortable when their sons cry. These parents may say, “Don’t cry. Be a man! ” This explains, in part, why men and women don’t always express sadness in the same way. This is an example of how culture is learned, that is, how children learn to express emotions from those around them. Americans often ask each other, “What’s wrong? ” if they see by a person’s expression that something is bothering him or her. Many people think that you should say what is wrong instead of just acting upset or angry. If a person acts upset, angry, or bothered, but doesn’t say anything about it, some Americans think that person is being childish.

There are Americans who prefer not to express their emotions verbally or nonverbally. They may try to hide their emotions completely. In a culture made up of so many different types of people, it is not always easy or possible to describe how people react emotionally. In the area of expressing emotions, there can be differences between people of different generations, between men and women and among Americans of different cultural backgrounds. Yet, there is still a general belief that it is good to “ talk things out ” or “ get things off your chest” when there is a problem.

In any one country, you will see people expressing anger in different ways, but there are generalizations that can be made. People from certain parts of the world are said to be “hot-blooded” or “hot-tempered”. This means that they express their anger easily and quickly. In some parts of the world, people are taught that expressing anger is wrong and shows a lack of control. There are some more phrases for expressing feelings:

“Let me explain how I am feeling / I feel.”

“Let me tell you my reaction to that.”

“It’s not easy for me to say this, but I’m a bit upset about what happened.”

“I will try to explain the way I’m feeling, but it’s not easy to do.”

“I am uncomfortable about what happened because…”

“In my culture, we don’t usually talk about this, but I’d like to let you know how I feel.”

Showing interest or surprise. When people are talking, they want to show that they are listening and that they are interested in the conversation. English speakers do this by making eye contact, by nodding their heads and by using words and phrases that encourage the other speaker to continue. Here are some expressions for showing interest:

Really? Oh no! Oh? And? Well? What a surprise!

Yeah? Oh yeah? (Good) heavens!

I see. Mmmm-hmm Indeed? (coldly formal)

Fancy (that)! (informal) That’s really interesting!

That’s an interesting / great/ nice story.

If you are surprised by something you hear, you can say:

(That’s) incredible! (That’s) unbelievable!

(That’s) amazing! I can’t believe it.

To express surprise (often mixed with disbelief) at what other people tell us one can say:

Do / Have you really? (semi-formal, rather mild)

You haven’t, have you? You don’t, do you?

You don’t say (so)! (more colloquial)

Go on with you! Well, I never! (colloquial, mixed with disbelief)

Disappointment is the unhappiness (bitterness) you feel at not seeing your hopes come true, for instance when somebody lets you down or things do not go the way you had expected. It can be expressed as follows:

I am / was rather / very / extremely disappointed…

It / She / You disappointed me. I found it rather / very disappointing.

Some Americans and English try to conceal their feelings. To conceal your disappointment and /or show more reserve, you may answer the same question in a somewhat softer key:

Pleasure is a feeling of happiness, enjoyment, or satisfaction is usually expressed in the form of an exclamation:

What a wonderful /nice /lovely /beautiful…! (That’s) marvelous! (That’s) terrific! (That’s) fantastic! (That’s) great! (more colloquial)

Americans are very enthusiastic in expressing their emotions; they speak and laugh very loudly. The most usual response to exclamations of pleasure about other people’s possessions, ideas, presents, etc. is agreement: (Oh) yes, isn’t it? (rather enthusiastic) Yes, rather (less enthusiastic)or disagreement: Do you think so? (cold, formal or sarcastic) Is it really? (rather mild)

Remember, though, that while it is quite all right to be enthusiastic about other people’s achievements or qualities, you have to be more reserved about yourself. So in most cases all you can say without being boastful will be:

Yes, it’s not bad, is it? Do you like it? I am glad you like it.

Displeasure (annoyance and anger), as is nearly always the case with strong feeling, is usually expressed with exclamations:

Oh no! Oh really! Oh dear! That IS a bore! Well, I like that! Oh Heavens!

What a bore! There! / There it is! / you are! How annoying!

Isn’t that annoying / infuriating / maddening! (more colloquial)

That’s the limit / last straw! (colloquial) (Oh,) bother! (rather mild)

Mind what you’re doing! Mind your own business! (possibly rude)

Who d’you think you are? rather rude

Who d’you take me for?

Regret is feeling of sadness about something that has happened or you wish you had not said or done can be expressed as follows:

I wish I / we had /hadn’t… I wish I could…

If only I had / hadn’t….

It’s a pity I didn’t… I /we can’t emphatic

The most usual response to regret is either reassurance and consolation or agreement.

Worry and other similar emotions, such as nervousness and depression, can be expressed as follows:

I’m worried (the most widely used)

Concerned also means practically the same as worried but is less emotional and more formal.

nervous (slightly afraid)

I’m depressed (in low spirits)

I feel very miserable (very unhappy)

fed up (unhappy, tired and discontented)

Frustration is the way people feel when they cannot get what they want, even after many attempts. For example, suppose your neighbour’s dog wakes you up every night. You complain to your neighbour many times, but the situation does not improve. In this situation you will feel frustrated. The underlined idioms in the following sentences mean that a speaker is frustrated. Notice the grammar in each sentence.

- My roommate is a total slob! She never cleans up after herself! I am fed up with her mess!

- Mother (to fighting children): I’ve had it with your fighting! Go outside right now. I want some quiet in here!

Student: I’ve been working on this physics problem for three hours. I’m sick of it!

Reassurance is the act of making someone feel less worried about something. To reassure someone who is worried, nervous, etc. English speakers say:

Cheer up. Don’t worry. Try not to worry (about it).

There’s no need to worry. Try to look on the bright side (of things).

Everything will be all right in the end. Take it easy.

Things will come right in the end. Don’t let it get you down.

Why worry (about that)? It may never happen.

Try to look on the bright side (of things).

To express sympathy and consolation one can use: