Life is a game

Different people have different global metaphors. For example, in reading interviews with Donald Trump, I've noticed that he often refers to life as a " test." You either win first place, or you lose there's no in between. Can you imagine the stress that must create in his life, interpreting it this way? If life is a test, maybe it's going to be tough; maybe you'd better be prepared; maybe you could flunk out (or cheat, I suppose). For some people, life is a competition. That might be fun, but it could also mean that there are other people you have to beat, that there could be only one winner.

For some people, life is a game. How might that color your perceptions? Life might be fun—what a concept! It might be somewhat competitive. It might be a chance for you to play and enjoy yourself a lot more. Some people say, " If it's a game, then there are going to be losers."

Other people ask, " Will it take a lot of skill? " It all depends on what beliefs you attach to the word " game"; but with that one metaphor, again, you have a set of filters that is going to affect the way you think and the way you feel.

Surely, Mother Teresa's metaphor for life is that it's sacred. What if you believed life is sacred? If that were your primary metaphor, you might have more reverence for it—or you might think that you weren't allowed to have so much fun. What if you believe life is a gift? All of a sudden it becomes a surprise, something fun, something special. What if you think life is a dance? Wouldn't that be a kick? It would be something beautiful, something you do with other people, something with grace, rhythm, and joy. Which of these metaphors properly represents life?

They're probably all useful at different times to help you interpret what you need to do to make changes. But remember, all metaphors carry benefits in some context, and limitations in others. As I've become more sensitized to metaphors, what I've begun to believe is that having only one metaphor is a great way to limit your life. There would be nothing wrong with the solar system metaphor if a physicist had many other ways of describing atoms as well. So if we want to expand our lives, we should expand the metaphors we use to describe what our life is or what our relationships are, or even who we are as human beings.

Are we limited to metaphors about life or about atoms? Of course not. We have metaphors for almost every area of our experience. Take work, for example. Some people will say, " Well, back to the salt mines" or " I have to put my nose to the grindstone." How do you think those people feel about their jobs? Some business people I know use global metaphors like " my assets" for the businesses they own and " my liabilities" for the people they employ. How do you think that affects the way they treat people? Others look at business as a garden where every day you have to maintain and improve it so that eventually you will reap a reward. Still others see work as a chance to be with friends, to join a winning team. As for me, I think of my businesses as families.

This allows us to transform the quality of the connections we share with each other.

" Life is painting a picture, not doing a sum."

OLIVER WENDELL HOLMES, JR.

Can you see how changing just one global metaphor from " Life is a competition" to " Life is a game" could instantly change your experience of life in many areas simultaneously? Would it change your relationships if you saw life as a dance? Could it change the way you operate in your business? You bet it could! This is an example of a pivot point, a global change, where just making this one change would transform the way you think and feel in multiple areas of your life. I am not saying that there is a right or wrong way of looking at things. Just realize that changing one global metaphor can instantly transform the way you look at your entire life. Just as with Transformational Vocabulary, the power of metaphors is in their simplicity.

Years ago I was conducting a two-week Certification program in Scottsdale, Arizona. In the middle of the seminar, a man jumped up and started stabbing out at people with his bare hands as if he were holding a knife, while screaming at the top of his lungs, " I’m blacking out, I'm blacking out! " A psychiatrist who was sitting two rows in front of him shouted, " Oh, my God! He's having a psychotic breakdown! " Fortunately, I didn't accept the psychiatrists label of Transformational Vocabulary. Instead, all I knew was that I needed to change the excited man's state instantly. I had not developed the concept of global metaphors yet; I just did what I knew how to do best. I interrupted his pattern. I went up to him and yelled, " Then just white it out! Use that stuff you use when you're typing! White it out! " The man was stunned for a moment. He stopped what he was doing, and everybody paused to see what would happen next.

Within a matter of seconds his face and body changed, and he started to breathe differently. I said, " White out the whole thing." Then I asked him how he felt and he said, " That feels a lot better." So I said, " Well, then, sit down, " and continued with the seminar. Everyone looked dumb-founded, and to tell the truth. I, too, was a bit surprised that it worked this easily! Two days later this man approached me and said, " I don't know what that whole thing was about, but I turned forty that day and just lost it. I felt like stabbing out because I was in this blackness and it was swallowing me up. But when I put that White-Out on, everything just brightened up. I felt totally different. I started thinking new thoughts, and I feel fine today." And he continued to feel fine for the duration—just by changing one simple metaphor.

So far we've spoken only of how to lower our negative emotional intensity through the use of Transformational Vocabulary and global metaphors. However, sometimes it's useful and important to get ourselves to feel negative emotions with strong intensity. For example, I know a couple who have a son who was caught up in drugs and alcohol. They knew they should do something to get him to change his destructive patterns, but at the same time they had mixed associations with interfering in his life. What finally pushed them over the edge and gave them enough leverage to get themselves to take action and do something was a conversation they had with someone who'd once been addicted himself. " There are two bullets pointed at your son's head right now, " he told them. " One is drugs, the other is alcohol, and one or the other is going to kill him—it's only a matter of time—if you don't stop him now."

By representing things in this way, they were driven to action. Suddenly, not taking action would mean allowing their son to die, whereas previously they had represented his problem as merely being a challenge. Until they adopted this new metaphor, they were missing the emotional potency to do whatever it would take. I am happy to tell you that they did succeed in helping this young man turn things around. Remember, the metaphors we use will determine our actions.