What are values.

To value something means to place importance upon it; anything that you hold dear can be called a " value." In this chapter, I'm specifically referring to life values, those things that are most important to you in life. For this kind of value, there are two types: ends and means. If I ask you, " What do you value most?, " you might answer, " Love, family, money..." Of these, love is the end value you're pursuing; in other words, the emotional state you desire. Conversely, family and money are merely means values. In other words, they are simply a way for you to trigger the emotional states you really desire.

If I asked you, " What does family give you?, " you might say, " Love, security, happiness." What you tmly value—the ends you're after—are love, security, and happiness. Similarly, with money, I could ask you, " What does money really mean to you? What does it give you? " You might say, " Freedom, impact, the ability to contribute, a sense of security." Again, you see, money is merely a means to achieving a much deeper set of values, a set of emotions that you desire to experience on a consistent basis in your life.

The challenge in life is that most people are not clear on the difference between means and ends values, and therefore, they experience a lot of pain. So often people are too busy pursuing means values that they don't achieve their true desire: their ends values. The ends values are those that will fulfill you, make your life rich and rewarding. One of the biggest challenges I see is that people keep setting goals without knowing what they truly value in life, and therefore they end up achieving their goals and saying, " Is this all there is? "

For example, let's say a woman's highest values are caring and contribution, and she chooses to become an attorney because she once met a lawyer who really impressed her as being able to make a difference and help people through his work. As time goes by, she gets caught up in the whirlwind of practicing law, and aspires to become a partner in her firm.

As she pursues this position, her work takes on an entirely different focus. She begins to dominate and run the firm, and becomes one of the most successful women she knows, yet she feels unhappy because she no longer has any contact with clients. Her position has created a different relationship with her peers, and she spends all her time in meetings ironing out protocol and procedure. She achieved her goal, but missed out on her life's desire. Have you ever fallen into this trap of pursuing the means as if they were the end you were after? In order to be truly happy, we must know the difference, and be sure to pursue the end itself.