Chapter Twenty-Seven

THE INTENSIVE CARE unit's family room looked the same as any other. Its walls were painted a third of the way up with bland hospital pastels while the other two-thirds was covered with heavy, geometrically patterned wallpaper. Groups of chairs attached at the base matched the colors in the wallpaper and lined the perimeter of the room. Ridley was certain the dé cor had been designed to help family members feel comforted, but in reality, the room had a coldness that jarred her senses. The stark white dropped ceiling and florescent lights didn't help. She'd been at the hospital since early that morning, sitting in one waiting room or another. People had come and gone, but at the present time no one else was there.

A television set mounted on the wall was set to a news channel with the volume so low that only an experienced lip reader could make out a word that was being said. Why did they choose a news channel Ridley wondered? Wasn't being here depressing enough without being forced to watch all the crap going on in the world?

On another wall, three vending machines stood in a row. The first one sold a grayish colored swill they had the nerve to call coffee, the second offered sandwiches of an indeterminate age wrapped in triangular cellophane packages and a variety of snacks. The third one contained beverages like bottled water, juice and soda.

Ridley felt smothered by the ghostly remains of too much pain and grief crowded into the lifeless room. She felt wired and exhausted at the same time. Her heart fluttered in her chest as she held her hands secured in her lap, slumped in her chair and closed her eyes. Where would she find the strength to get through this? She had barely recovered from the Dana incident and now her mother was injured and in the hospital.

While she sat there, she replayed the scenes of the day beginning with the phone call from the police that had jangled her out of a deep sleep. She'd had to rouse herself out of an anxious fog as she tried to comprehend the meaning of their words. The policeman told her that her mother's car had collided with a truck at an intersection not far from her home. The truck driver, who was miraculously unharmed, had checked on her mother and had found her unconscious. He called 911 and they transported her to the nearest hospital. That was all the police could tell her.

After she'd hung up from talking with the police, she called Laurie. Her words came back to her as she remembered telling her the news. " Laurie, I'm sorry to call you this early, but something bad has happened."

" Ridley? What is it? "

" My mother's had an accident." Ridley told her everything she knew which wasn't much at the time. " She's in the emergency room at Bucks County Medical Center. I have to go there right away, but I wanted to call you and let you know before I left."

" God, Ridley, I'm so sorry." Laurie sounded wide awake now. " Do you need me to take you? I could get over there in a minute."

" No thanks. I'll have to stay at my mother's house so I'll need my car. Don't worry, I'll be careful driving. I have no idea why, but I feel surprisingly calm."

" You're in shock. You could pick me up and I could drive you in your car and then Karen could come and get me later on, " Laurie suggested.

" No. I appreciate it, but I'll be okay...honest I will."

" Promise you'll call us if you need anything? " Laurie insisted.

" I promise."

" I'm really sorry to hear about your mother, Ridley. I know you've had a horrible week and now you have to deal with this. As soon as Karen and I get up and get ourselves together, we'll drive to the hospital. Just sit tight and wait until we get there."

" I will. Talk to you later." Ridley hung up, threw some extra clothes in a bag and ran to her car. Driving to the hospital was one of the toughest things she'd ever had to do and when she arrived at the hospital, the information desk directed her to the emergency room where she was told to wait until someone came out to speak to her.

A few minutes later, a tall woman in blue scrubs showed up. " I'm Anne Bower, the nurse in charge of the emergency room. The unit clerk told me you were waiting to talk to someone about your mother? " The nurse conveyed warmth and compassion and made Ridley feel like the most important person in the emergency room.

" Can you tell me how she is? " Ridley asked.

" Her vital signs are stable and she's in no immediate danger. The doctors are still evaluating her, so it will be a while before we know the full extent of her injuries."

" Is she awake? The police told me she was unconscious."

" She was conscious on and off by the time she got here."

" Will she be all right? " Ridley's voice quivered and tears trickled down her cheeks. She'd been running on adrenalin, but now she felt like she was crashing as the reality of the situation and the stress of the week caught up with her.

" Why don't we sit down? " Nurse Bower led Ridley to a chair and handed her some tissues from her pocket. She reassured Ridley that so far, none of her mother's injuries were life-threatening and then went on to explain more about the tests they would be doing. " Do you have anyone here with you? "

" No. I'm alone. Could I see her? "

" I don't see why not. I'll take you in for a few minutes."

Ridley followed the nurse into one of the cubicles that lined the walls of the ER. Her mother looked frail and her skin was pale against the pure white sheets. Her eyes were closed and she appeared to be asleep or unconscious.

" Why does she have that collar around her neck? "

" They put it on at the scene to stabilize her spine in case of injury. It's standard procedure. We did x-rays and the neurosurgeon is checking them as we speak. If he says there are no fractures or injuries to her spine, we'll remove it. You can touch her and talk to her."

Ridley took her mother's hand. " Mom, it's me, Ridley." Her mother's eyes fluttered open and Ridley felt certain their eyes met for a second. She felt her mother squeeze her hand. " I'm right here, Mom. Don't worry about a thing."

Later, Nurse Bower walked her back to the waiting room. " I'll talk to you as soon as we know more. We'll be sending her for tests, so you won't be able to see her for a while. Is there anyone who can come and stay with you? "

" A couple of my friends are on their way."

" Good. Just tell the girls at the front desk to let one of us know if you need anything."

AN HOUR LATER Laurie and Karen arrived with food and coffee. Ridley drank some of the coffee, but only picked at the food. As they sat in the waiting area, she updated them on her mother's status.

Although she'd slept well the night before, Karen felt excessively tired and she told Ridley and Laurie she had a scratchy throat and felt like she was coming down with a cold. Another hour passed and Ridley noticed Karen's face was flushed and she could hardly keep her eyes open. When she started getting chills and shaking all over, they all agreed she had a fever and should be taken home.

After Laurie and Karen left, Ridley continued to wait, convinced that time had failed to keep progressing with its usual precision. A couple of times, one of the nurses took her in to see her mother between tests and later in the afternoon, Nurse Bower came out to speak to her again. " I've got good news. Your mother's stable and we're going to transfer her to intensive care. One of our residents is coming out to talk to you before we move her." She patted Ridley's hand. " How are you holding up? Are you doing okay? "

" Not too bad for a nervous wreck."

When the resident came out, she gave Ridley an update. " Your mother was very lucky. So far, everything looks good. She did have a concussion but the CAT scan didn't show any other head injuries. She has two stable rib fractures. They'll be painful, but they'll heal over time. It must have been quite a crash. She hit the steering wheel, even with a seatbelt on, but her injuries could have been far worse if she hadn't been wearing it.

" The police said her car was totaled, " Ridley said.

" I'm not surprised. We're sending her to intensive care so we can monitor her vital signs, her neurological status and her heart rhythm closely for the next day or so. She'll need special nursing care and close observation."

" What's wrong with her heart? " Ridley asked. " She never had any heart problems that I know of." This was the one thing the doctor said that worried Ridley the most since her father died of a heart attack. She felt her own heart begin to race.

" Based on her injuries we have to assume she could have bruised her heart muscle when she impacted with the steering wheel. It can produce the same clinical picture as a heart attack. The electrocardiogram we did was normal and we haven't seen any signs of damage to the heart so far, but it doesn't always show up right away. They'll need to do more cardiograms and lab tests before they can be sure she hasn't damaged her heart muscle. One of the cardiologists saw her and he'll follow her until she's cleared. She'll be on a heart monitor in case she develops an abnormal heart rhythm."

" I understand. Thanks for taking the time to talk to me and for taking care of my mother. She means a lot to me."

" Of course she does, " the doctor said. " We're confident she'll make a full recovery. We called her primary care physician and he filled us in on her medical history. She's healthy and she's in good shape for a woman her age. All those factors are in her favor."

" Why don't you get something to eat or drink, or take a walk outside until she's settled in the ICU? It'll take some time. We'll tell the nurses that you're in the ICU waiting room. It's on the third floor. Just take the elevators in the main lobby and follow the signs when you get off. The waiting room is just inside the double doors to the right."

Ridley watched the doctor go through the ER doors. The thoughts of food made her queasy but she went to the coffee shop and forced down a muffin and a container of milk to calm the acids that were wreaking havoc on the lining of her stomach. It did help a little and she began to feel better for the first time since she'd gotten up.

After a quick trip to the restroom, she went outside and strolled around the well-manicured grounds. It felt good to inhale fresh cool air free of hospital smells. The sun hovered on the lip of the horizon, flaunting its fiery farewell, while random splatters of pink, orange and gray painted the indigo sky. Any other time, a gorgeous fall evening like this one would have made her feel in harmony with the world, but today the world seemed oddly detached and menacing. How could the outside world remain so untouched while her entire world lay in pieces at her feet like a heap of rubble?

No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't believe anything would ever be all right again. Not having to agonize over Dana every waking minute had been the only good thing to come out of such a wretched day. As she continued walking on the hospital grounds, the melancholy mood of twilight stirred up her emotions all over again and the full impact of Dana's words came back to haunt her. First she'd lost her and then she'd almost lost her mother and even though she had every reason to believe her mother would be okay, it had all been too much for her. Although she wasn't in the habit of praying, she lifted her eyes up to the heavens.

Since the walk was making her feel worse, she went back inside the hospital and took the elevator to the ICU waiting room where she submitted to the tedious task of waiting. After an indeterminate amount of time, one of the staff came out and took her in to see her mother.

A young man dressed in scrubs stood at the bedside, hanging a bag of fluid on a pole. He turned when Ridley entered the cubicle and introduced himself as her mother's nurse. He went on to explain all the wires, tubes and machines connected to her mother and fill her in on how she was doing. They talked for a while and then he put Ridley in a chair next to her mother's bedside and got back to work.

" I'll be right here if you have any questions, " he told her.

Ridley reached through the side rail and took her mother's hand. Gently, she shook it back and forth. " Mom, it's me, Ridley. Can you hear me? "

Her mother's eyes opened and she tried to smile as she turned her head toward Ridley. " There's my sweetheart, " she whispered. " Chest hurts." She gripped Ridley's hand and closed her eyes again

" You had a car accident and you're in the hospital. You're going to be all right."

" Stay with me, " her mother whispered.

" I will, Mom, as much as I can. If I'm not here in your room, I'll be outside in the waiting room. I love you very much and I won't leave you."

A tear escaped down Vicki's cheek and she held fast to Ridley's hand.

Ridley took a tissue from the bedside table and wiped the tear away. " The doctor's told me you're going to be all right. Just try to rest."