Chapter Twenty-Five

ON FRIDAY AFTERNOON, Dana went to her sister's house for lunch. Wayne was at work, the kids were in school and her mother had a doctor's appointment she didn't want to cancel. For once, Dana and her sister were given the rare opportunity to talk privately without all the usual distractions. Donna and her family lived a short distance from Dana's parents in the sprawling megalopolis affectionately referred to by the locals as 'Chicagoland', a five thousand square mile area that encompassed the city proper and its constantly ballooning suburbs.

" I'm so happy we could get together, just the two of us. I've really missed you." Dana sat at the kitchen table watching Donna prepare lunch. " We don't see each other nearly enough since I moved to Philadelphia."

" I know and I've missed you, too. I loved the dinner at Mom's last evening. It was nice that we were all together again, except for brother dearest, of course. He couldn't very well come all the way from California. By the way, if that dinner was any indication of the food you serve in your restaurant, I can't wait to eat there. You're a genius."

" Actually, Mom made most of it. I only helped."

Donna raised her eyebrows. " Really? I never saw her cook anything like that."

" Well, I did come up with the menu, but she asked me to teach her how to make something new, so I did." A compliment from her sister meant a lot. " It is one of the dishes we serve at the restaurant, though, and since you mentioned it, I can't wait for you to visit. I know it's hard for you, but I hope you can come soon. My apartment's finished and I've got two extra bedrooms and plenty of room for guests."

" We'll come soon, I promise--whenever Wayne can get some time off. God only knows when that will be. Or better yet, maybe I'll leave Wayne home and give the kids to Mom and Dad and come by myself. What do you think of that? "

" That's a great idea. We could have so much fun, " Dana said. It had been a long time since she and her sister had any quality time alone and she got excited as she thought about all the things they could do together. " Do you think you could pull it off? "

" I might be able to. Mom and Dad love to spend time with their grandchildren and spoil them rotten and Wayne will barely notice I'm gone." Donna paused and then took off in another direction. " Before I forget, did you notice how quiet Dad was last evening? He wasn't himself and I thought he acted like he was sulking."

" I'm afraid that was my fault." Dana took a sip of her iced tea. The time had come. Donna had given her the perfect lead-in and it made no sense to put it off any longer. After telling her parents, telling Donna should be a piece of cake.

" Your fault? I don't understand." Donna stopped chopping tomatoes and faced her sister. " You're Miss Perfect as far as he's concerned. What could you have done? "

" I told Mom and Dad something important yesterday. I would have told you last evening if we'd been able to talk without everyone hovering around and I can't tell you tonight because we're all going out to dinner. That's why I wanted to come over today. I wanted to spend time with you, but I also need to talk to you."

" You're not sick or in trouble are you? " Donna brandished her knife around in the air for emphasis. " Are you in love? Are you getting married? " The knife stopped about three inches from her right ear. " Oh my God, are you pregnant? "

" Good heavens, no. I'm not pregnant or getting married or in trouble with the law, although, come to think of it, I think it is against the law in some states." Dana told herself to quit joking and get on with it. She'd only have to say it once.

" Then what did you tell Dad that has him in such a tail spin? " Donna tapped the tip of her knife on the cutting board and stared at her sister. " Now I'm really curious."

" I'll bet you are. Just listen to me before I lose my nerve." Dana took a deep breath and began. " You're my sister and I love you."

" Good Lord, Dana, is it that bad? " Donna laid her knife down as if to make sure Dana knew she had her attention. " Why don't you just tell me? "

" I don't know how you're going to feel about this." Dana knew that once she said the words out loud, there'd be no taking them back and no matter what her sister's reaction was, she'd have to live with it for the rest of her life. " I..."

" Dana! Spit it out already, will you? The suspense is killing me."

" I'm a lesbian. There, I said it." Dana sighed with relief and then looked at her sister. She tried to read her sister's face but it was blank. " What do you think? "

" You're a lesbian? " Donna turned to her cutting board and laughed quietly to herself as she finished the tomatoes and put them in the salad bowl. " Is that all? You really had me worried there for a minute." She wiped the cutting board and started chopping celery on the diagonal. " This is hardly a news flash. I've been thinking you were for a while now. However, I am glad you finally came out and verbalized it. Just for the record, it doesn't make any difference to me as long as you're happy."

" You knew? How did you know and why didn't you say anything to me? "

" You never had any boyfriends and you never talked about men or showed any interest in them. I know you said you were too busy to date, but you would have found the time if it was something you wanted. I never asked you because it's not an easy thing to ask someone. I didn't know how to bring it up and I thought you should be the one to tell me. I also thought you would tell me when you were ready. It really didn't make any difference."

" Oh..." Dana said. " Mom said she knew it. You were both afraid to ask and I was afraid to tell you because I thought you might hate me or stop loving me. I love you all so much and I didn't want to lose my family."

Donna put the knife down and turned to Dana. " I would never stop loving you. We all love you and you will never lose your family."

" I'm so happy to hear you say that."

" I won't say anything to the kids unless you want me to, even though they would think you were cool. They talked about alternative life styles in school thanks to a very progressive teacher and they told Wayne and me all about it one night at dinner. They were very well informed and used all the proper words. Can you believe it? "

" God bless teachers like that, " Dana said.

" Amen to that. Is it okay if I tell Wayne? We've already talked about it."

" You have? Okay, tell him if you want to, but don't tell the kids unless they figure it out or ask about it. I'll tell them myself when the time is right."

" You can tell them whenever you're ready to. You don't need to ask my permission. Just let me know if you do in case they have questions. We never discussed this with Danny, so I don't know what he thinks, if anything. Are you going to tell him? "

" Yes, I'll call him tonight."

" I like your plan. Fly in, lay it on the entire family and then fly away again. That's the way to do it. You don't have to stay around for the fallout and you get to escape." Donna opened a bag of hearts of Romaine and added it to the bowl.

" That's one advantage of living somewhere else, " Dana said. " I'm so relieved to get this off my chest. I can't tell you how hard it was keeping a secret like this. One of the worst things was not being able to tell you what was going on in my life. "

Donna opened two cans of tuna and a can of pitted black olives. She drained them both and spread them around on top of the other salad ingredients. " Now I understand why Dad was acting the way he was. What happened when you told them? "

Dana went on to tell her sister the details of that morning and what her father and mother's reactions had been. " I don't have a clue as to what's going on in his head."

" Who does? Mom and I discussed the possibility you might be a lesbian more than once, but we never said anything to Dad and it never seemed to enter his mind."

" I can't believe you've all been discussing me behind my back."

" What are families for? " Donna shrugged her shoulders. " You have to remember. He's very conventional and he wants life to unfold the way he thinks it should. He's thrown off when it doesn't. You told him and that's all you can do."

" He also said he was disappointed I wouldn't be getting married."

" That's not the worst thing that can happen to a person, believe me." Donna made an odd sound with her mouth and then laughed to herself. When she was done, she asked, " Olive oil and Balsamic vinegar okay with you? "

" Yes, it's perfect."

" Are you serious about anyone? " Donna asked.

" That's another thing I wanted to talk to you about. You remember Sarah? "

" Of course I do. She was that chef friend of yours."

" We weren't friends, we were lovers." Dana gave her sister a condensed version of the story of her and Sarah including the reasons it ended and why she went to see her on Wednesday. " I just gave you the gist of it. I'm sick of going over it and she no longer matters to me."

" I'm sorry I wasn't there for you, " Donna said.

" You could have been if I'd been honest with you."

" Well then, I'm not sorry."

" You know what amazed me the most when I saw Sarah? "

" No. What? " Donna popped a black olive into her mouth.

" I finally got to see her and I felt nothing except anger. I wasn't in love with her and I didn't even like her anymore. I'd been holding on to an idealized memory of her and I'd made her into the person I wanted her to be instead of the person she really was. I've been using that so-called tragedy to hide behind."

" Hold that thought." Donna added a small amount of thinly sliced red onion to the salad and brought it over to the table. " Here, help yourself and dish some up for me. I just have to get the rolls out of the oven." Donna tumbled the rolls into a basket and brought them to the table. " What were you hiding from? "

" Getting involved with anyone and making another bad choice, " Dana answered. She took a bite of salad and chewed it. " This salad is delicious."

" Glad you like it. I had it once when Mom and I went out to lunch." Donna buttered a roll and took a bite. " I believe we have two choices in life. We either embrace life or we escape from it and I also believe you can't feel joy unless you can feel pain."

" I don't want a life without joy and I don't expect to live it without pain. Most of all, I don't want to be dead inside. Seeing Sarah made me realize something. I don't want to be with a woman who isn't sure about who she is and what she wants. I want to be with someone who loves me just the way I am, someone who wants me and needs me with her whole heart and..." Dana stopped talking and gasped. Her vision blurred as her eyes filled with tears.

" What is it, Dana? "

Dana covered her eyes with her hands. " Oh, my God."

" What's the matter? " Donna jumped out of her chair and stood next to her sister. She put her arm around her and rubbed her shoulder.

Dana raised her head and dried her eyes with her napkin. " I'm sorry. Something hit me so hard when I said that. I'm already in love with someone who's just like that. She's everything I've ever wanted."

" Tell me about her." Donna slid back into her chair. " What's her name? "

" Her name is Ridley Kelsen." Dana told her sister about how they met. " She's cute and nice and she's so kind and smart and sensitive and..."

" All right, that's enough. I get it." Donna smiled as she chewed a mouthful of salad. " She's completely wonderful and I can't wait to meet her. Does she love you, too? "

" She does, or I should say she did."

" She did? What does that mean? " Donna asked.

" I don't know if she'll want me after what I did." Dana told her sister more about her and Ridley, including what happened the last evening they saw each other. " How could I have done something like that to her? What have I become? "

" You'll be able to make things right."

" I don't know about that, but I'm going to try. The first thing I'm going to do when I get home tomorrow is to tell her I love her." Dana didn't know if Ridley would forgive her or want her back, but she was going to fight for her. " Why didn't I see this before? "

" Because you're human and you make mistakes just like the rest of us." Donna grabbed Dana's hand. " Don't be so hard on yourself. Be grateful you were able to figure out what you want. Not everyone does."

" I want her. She's the nicest person I've ever known. I even like her mother."

" She has a nice mother? " Donna squeezed Dana's hand and let it go. " Then you definitely should go for it. There's nothing like a good mother-in-law. Aside from that, if she's half as wonderful as you say she is, don't let her get away. You'll never forgive yourself if you do."

" I know." Dana filled her fork with salad and shook it at Donna as she said, " You know what? I'm glad I came home. This visit has changed my life." A drop of dressing fell on the table and a little piece of lettuce flew off and landed on her sister's arm. Dana wiped up the dressing with her napkin and removed the piece of lettuce. " Oops."

Donna wiped her arm where the lettuce had left another drop of dressing. " You came out to your family, you got rid of an old flame and you had an epiphany. That's a whole hell of a lot for one family visit don't you think? "

" I'll say. They aren't usually that productive."