Chapter Twenty

ON TUESDAY EVENING, Ridley drove to Café De Marco to meet her mother for dinner. The streets were crowded and she had to park a few blocks away on a side street and walk to the restaurant. In spite of her parking problems, she was surprised to find she was only ten minutes late. From across the street, she spotted her mother waiting out front and hurried to join her.

" Sorry I'm late, Mom. I couldn't find a parking space and I had to circle around several blocks until someone pulled out of one. Why didn't you go inside and wait? "

" That's all right, sweetheart. I just got here myself. I had the same problem finding a place to park and I ended up on 11th Street."

" You should have come over to my apartment and left your car there like I told you to. We could have come together and I would have driven you back for your car later on."

" I know and I would have, but I'd like to leave right after dinner, " her mother explained. " I have an early morning appointment with the dentist tomorrow and a bunch of errands to run and I don't want to get home late. Besides, I don't want you to have to leave on my account. Maybe you'd like to spend some time with Dana? "

" She'll be too busy to visit with me and I have to work tomorrow, so I'll probably leave right after we eat, anyway." Ridley pointed to the front door of Café De Marco. " Let's go in."

Vicki inspected the restaurant faç ade. " This is a lovely place." She took hold of Ridley's arm and walked through the door with her. " Now, I really am excited."

The hostess was expecting them and she took them to their table without delay. She also relayed a message from Dana that they should make themselves comfortable and she would join them as soon as she could.

" It's so warm and inviting in here and this is a nice table, " Ridley's mother remarked. " I'm sorry to see there aren't more people, though. Is that usual? "

" Tuesdays and Wednesdays are slow, but it picks up on Thursday and she's booked solid on Fridays and Saturdays. Sunday brunch is always crowded." Ridley touched her mother's arm and changed the subject. " Why don't you tell me about your weekend while we're waiting? "

Ridley and her mother took the time to catch up on things until Dana came out of the kitchen and hurried to their table. Dana appeared stressed as she flopped into the seat next to Ridley's. Her face was strained and her eyes were full of tension. Even so, she was as beautiful as ever and just the sight of her made Ridley want her more than ever.

" I'm so glad you're both here, " Dana said.

" Look at you, " Vicki said. " Aren't you the cutest thing in that chef's outfit? "

" Thanks, Vicki." Dana seemed pleased with the compliment.

" I've been looking forward to this, " Vicki told Dana.

" We both have, " Ridley said. She couldn't stop staring at Dana. The sight of her brought it all rushing back, everything they'd done together and everything she'd felt.

" Your restaurant's lovely, " Vicki said. " It reminds me of a Trattoria in Tuscany my husband and I used to visit when we traveled to Italy." Vicki's face darkened and she lowered her eyes. " It was one of my husband Jeremy's favorite places."

" That's exactly the look I was going for, " Dana said.

" And you've captured it." Vicki raised her eyes. " You're fortunate to have all of this at such a young age. Your parents must be very proud of you."

" They are, but my father helped me a lot so he claims all the bragging rights."

" Ridley's father was proud of her. She was his pride and joy. He cried when she was born and the first time he held her in his arms he stared at her for over an hour. The nurses practically had to pry her out of his hands." Vicki glanced at her daughter, a fleeting glance but one laden with a shared sorrow. " Well, girls..." Vicki cleared her throat and took a sip of water. " This is a special evening, so let's not dwell on sad things, shall we? "

" Ridley told me you liked duck, so I have a special tonight just for you, " Dana said after a polite moment of silence. " It's a raspberry vinegar glazed duck and we're serving it with roasted root vegetables and a wild rice pilaf. Of course, if you don't feel like having duck, we have other specials or you can order from the menu."

" The duck sounds divine, " Vicki said. " I'll have that."

" Good. We also have a special salad of mixed greens with roasted beets, oranges and honey glazed walnuts. It comes with a light citrus and honey dressing."

" I'll have that, too, " Vicki said. " It will go well with the duck."

Ridley observed her mother and Dana as they talked. Although it wasn't crucial, it had often occurred to her that if she were to find that certain someone to share her life with it would be all the better if it were someone her mother was fond of and someone who'd want to be a part of her family. If only Dana could be that someone. Her thoughts were interrupted by Dana's next question which was directed at her.

" What are you going to have, Ridley? "

" I want everything my mother is having." Dana's dark eyes stoked the flames of Ridley's arousal and she felt as though she was on fire. Her heart raced and her mouth felt dry, but she tried not to let it show because she was with her mother. Did Dana have the same feelings, she wondered? Was she craving her kiss and dying to touch her?

" Let me put your orders in and I'll come back and spend some time with you. We're not that busy tonight." Dana stood up, but before she left, she said, " I forgot to ask you what you wanted to drink. Did you bring any wine? "

" No. Mom's a little tired and she has to drive home alone. And I need my wits about me this evening. We'd both like some ice water and I'd like a glass of iced tea if you have any. Mom, do you want iced tea? "

" Yes, I'll have some, " Vicki answered.

" I'll have the waiter bring that right away, " Dana said.

" Ridley, I can see why you're so taken with her, " Vicki said as soon as Dana was out of earshot. " I'm quite fond of her myself."

" I'm glad you like her. She means a great deal to me."

" It's easy to see that, sweetheart."

" DANA, I'VE NEVER had better duck, " Vicki said after they finished eating dinner. " The vegetables and rice were perfect with it and I loved the salad." Ridley certainly didn't exaggerate when she raved about your restaurant. Next time, I'll save room for dessert." Vicki finished the last of her hazelnut crè me coffee and got up. " I think I'll be on my way. I have to get home."

Dana rose to her feet. " Thank you so much for coming."

" Thank you for a wonderful evening. I'd love it if you'd come to see me again, " Vicki said. " Maybe next time I'll take you both out to dinner."

" That would be nice, " Dana said. It saddened her to think there probably wouldn't be a next time after what she was about to tell Ridley.

" Let me walk you to your car." Ridley stood up.

" You don't have to." Vicki hugged Ridley and kissed her on the cheek. " Call me in a day or two, will you? And give your aunt a call. She loves to hear from you."

" I will, Mom. Be careful driving home."

" I always am. Goodbye, you two." Vicki grabbed her purse and headed for the door. Just before she exited the dining room, she turned and waved.

" Your mother's nice. Thanks for bringing her."

" She enjoyed it." Ridley sat at the table again and fiddled with her napkin. " Can you sit with me a minute? I want to talk to you."

Dana's heart raced as she slid into the chair next to Ridley's. " I have something I need to talk to you about." She dreaded telling Ridley about going to see Sarah. She knew she was faced with a true dilemma-- when she told Ridley the truth she would hurt her and if she didn't tell her, she would hurt her even more. This would take courage and she couldn't find any.

Ridley pulled her chair closer. " I'm dying to touch you. I've missed you so much." Dana had her hand on the table and Ridley covered it with her own.

Dana turned her hand over and gave Ridley's hand a quick squeeze. Then she pulled her hand away and began to fiddle with the buttons on her chef's jacket. With her gaze fixed on the table in front of her, she undid the top button and re-fastened it three or four times before she realized what she was doing.

" You look nervous, Dana. You said you needed to talk to me. What's going on? "

Dana didn't answer. Ridley's question had provided her with the opening she should have taken, but she lost her nerve as soon as she turned her head and saw the concern in Ridley's eyes. That and the compassion on Ridley's face made her feel as if she were about to do the cruelest thing she'd ever done to anyone.

Ridley pressed the issue. " You were fine during dinner and now something's wrong. Did I upset you? Maybe I shouldn't have touched you in here."

" No, that's not it. I'm just nervous." Dana's inner voice told her to quit stalling. " I have to tell you something and I'm having a hard time getting it out."

" What is it? " The concern in Ridley's eyes turned in to anxiety.

Dana paused to take a deep breath. " I have to go away tomorrow morning. I'm flying to Chicago to see my family and while I'm there I'm..."

" Go on, " Ridley urged.

" I'm going to see the woman I was involved with before I moved here, the one I told you about at the shore. She called me and she wants to see me."

" Why are you going to see her now, after what we...? " Ridley's voice sounded frail and her face clouded over. " She wants you back, doesn't she? "

" I'm not sure--maybe. All I know is that she asked me to come so we could talk. She said she's sorry about what happened between us." Dana felt sick when she saw the anguish that had transformed Ridley's face and the pain that had killed the spark in her eyes.

" And you're going? " Ridley asked.

" I have to go. I loved her once and I have to see if there's anything left between us. I need to do it for myself as much as for her." Dana closed her eyes. She was hurting Ridley and she hated doing it. She tried to think of something she could say to make her understand. " I'll never be free of her if I don't. You understand, don't you? "

" No, I don't." Ridley clamped her hand over her mouth but failed to stifle the tiny choking sound that escaped through her fingers. She took a few breaths and removed her hand from her mouth. " I didn't know you still loved her. I never would have thought--I mean I thought we..." A solitary tear trickled down Ridley's cheek.

" Please don't cry, Ridley. I shouldn't have told you this in here. I'm so sorry." Dana stood up, took Ridley's hand and pulled her to her feet. " Let's get out of here." She marched Ridley straight through the kitchen, out the back door and up the stairs without stopping to acknowledge anyone or deal with Tracy's bewildered expression as they hustled by.

Once they were safely inside her apartment, Dana put Ridley on the sofa and sat beside her. " Please try to understand. I need to see her and find out what she wants. More than that, I need to find out what I want. I can't get on with my life until I do this."

" What about us? I thought..." Ridley's body shook and she swiped at the tears she couldn't hold inside. " I thought we had something special and I thought you had feelings for me. I don't know how I could have been so wrong or such a fool."

Dana put her arm around Ridley's shoulder. " You're not a fool. I guess when I told you I didn't want to get involved with anyone and you pursued me in spite of it, I assumed you were willing to be with me on my terms. I figured why couldn't we have a good time together? " Dana cringed at the coldness of her own words. What had she become?

" What about being with me? What about making love with me? " Ridley glanced at Dana and then gripped her hands together in her lap and kept her eyes focused on them. " I heard all the things you told me, but after that weekend at the shore I thought..."

Ridley closed her eyes for a short time and then stared at her hands again. " I thought you had changed your mind about me--about us. I never thought it would mean so little to you."

" It meant something to me, " Dana said. " You know it did."

Ridley turned her sad eyes toward Dana. " Just not that much, right? " She sighed and ran her fingers through her hair. " Didn't you like kissing me and touching me? "

" You know I did. You're an incredibly attractive woman."

" Was that all it was to you? Just an attraction you couldn't resist? " Ridley's voice was calm now and her words deliberate. " I can't believe I'm hearing the same old story I've heard from other women. I'm too hot to pass up, but not someone who deserves to be taken seriously."

" I'm sorry." Dana reached for Ridley's arm.

Ridley pulled away. " So am I, because I let myself fall in love with you." Ridley studied Dana's dark eyes as if searching for something she'd lost along the way. " I love you."

" I should have known. I saw it in your eyes and felt it in your touch, but I suppose I didn't want to believe it or deal with it."

" Well, it's true and now we'll both have to deal with it. I've been in love with you since that night on the beach when we kissed for the first time."

The hurt in Ridley's eyes and the despair in her voice made Dana want to console her in some way, but she knew Ridley needed to be strong and she would not welcome what she might easily interpret as pity. Until Dana faced up to her past, her feelings would remain unclear and her future uncertain and right now, she had nothing to offer Ridley other than the truth. " I don't know what to say to you."

" I do. Please don't go back to her."

" I have to, but I don't want to hurt you." Dana felt her eyes fill. " Not you."

" Then don't. Stay here with me and don't go to her. Please."

" I've been so unfair to you. I wasn't..." Dana sighed and rubbed her forehead. " I mean..." Dana felt miserable. Her head ached and she was ashamed of herself. What could she possibly say that wouldn't make matters worse or hurt Ridley more? " I don't know what I mean."

" You don't know what you want, either." Ridley turned away.

" I have to agree with you on that point." Dana placed her hand on Ridley's knee and bent her head to capture her eyes, but Ridley would not meet her eyes and she would not let her in.

" Please let me try to explain."

" Don't bother." Ridley stood up without warning. " You've explained enough and I've heard all I can stand to hear. It's time for me to leave." Her voice quivered with emotion.

Dana followed her to the door. " Wait, please." She grabbed her arm.

Ridley shook Dana's hand off. " I have to get out of here." She threw the door open, bolted out of Dana's apartment and ran down the stairs without another word.

AFTER RIDLEY'S ABRUPT departure, Dana made a mad dash down the stairs to the kitchen. Tracy would still be busy and she wouldn't be able to talk to her yet, but Dana had to do something to occupy her mind or she would go crazy. They still had a few tables to serve and Dana went right to work. When the last customers departed and they closed their doors for the night she helped Tracy and the kitchen staff clean-up.

" Are you going to tell me what's going on now that we're alone? " Tracy asked as soon as Jimmy closed the door behind him. " You and Ridley tore through here like a human tornado and then about twenty minutes later, I saw Ridley running down the back stairs. Then you come storming in looking like you were going to flip out."

" I told her I was going to see Sarah."

" I guess she didn't take it well? "

" No, Tracy, I guess she didn't." Whatever temporary relief Dana had gained from working hard for the last two hours vanished into thin air with those words. " I was wrong."

" Wrong about what? "

" Ridley is serious about me."

" Dana... my dear friend. Anyone with one or two eyes in their head could see that." Tracy made a sucking sound through her teeth. " Sometimes..."

Dana held her hand up to silence Tracy. " Don't say it. Sometimes I'm a pig-headed royal pain in the ass with blinders on and I guess I didn't want to see what I didn't want to see."

" That about sums it up, " Tracy said. " So, what did she say? "

" She said she's in love with me."

" I'm not surprised to hear that, but here's what I have a problem with. That kind of woman tells you she's in love with you and you're upset about it? That just doesn't make any sense."

" I'm upset because I don't know how I feel about her."

" Well, that's different. If you don't love her..." Tracy said.

" I don't know if I love her but I do know I care about her and I've hurt her. I'll never forget the look on her face as long as I live." Dana was more upset over this than she had expected she would be. Ridley was alone and hurting all because of her and she wondered where Ridley was and what she was doing. " When did I become so calloused and insensitive? "

" I'm not going to answer that because I don't think you're either of those things. You're just a little messed up right now." Tracy stepped closer and put her arm around Dana. " Try not to go to pieces on me. Everything will be all right."

" I wish I could believe that, " Dana said.

" It's too soon to know, but I think it will."

" I hope you're right." Dana rested her head on Tracy's shoulder. " I don't know what to do. I've never been this confused and my whole world is turned upside down."

" Going to see Sarah is a good start. Maybe it will give you some answers and make you feel less confused." Tracy took her arm away and started to untie her apron. " I'm tired of standing. Let's get out of this damned kitchen and go upstairs where we can kick our shoes off and relax while we talk about this."

" Okay, " Dana said. " I could use a beer. Do you have any? "

" But of course. That's a staple in my house." Tracy pulled her apron off and tossed it on the counter. " Come on, I could use one or two myself. We'll drink while we talk this out."