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Chapter Thirty






THIS IS GOOD, Taylor smiled to herself as she drove home from the bookstore. Things were going well, and she couldn't seem to keep the smile from taking up permanent residence on her face. She turned into the driveway, the sun beating down hotly through the sunroof, the air conditioning blasting on her feet. Her father would roll his eyes at such a contradiction, but that's the way she liked to drive. In the winter, she'd have the sunroof open and the heat scalding her ankles.

Ben's car was nowhere to be seen and Taylor breathed a sigh of relief, then scowled at herself in the rearview mirror. Although the two of them had talked several times, Taylor being startled more than once by her father's sudden openness, she still felt a twinge of guilt, like she had stolen his property. Even though she'd been forgiven, it still didn't feel quite right. She guessed it would be some time before that niggling in her brain disappeared. She had managed to keep Melanie away from the house and Ben, not that it had been difficult since the redhead was in no hurry to force an awkward situation. But come the holidays, she wanted all her loved ones to be together. She hoped that, by that time, things would be much more comfortable.

She quickly sorted through the mail, noting a letter from Gina, her college roommate, along with a bill for her student loan payment. She chuckled at the fact that she had received reminders of college from two opposite ends of the spectrum. She knew she owed Gina a phone call, not just a letter. On the other hand, she didn't feel she owed the Student Loan Servicing Center anything.

They should be retiring on her interest alone. She rolled her eyes and tossed the rest of the mail onto the kitchen table, taking the steps two at a time up to her room.

She picked out her clothes carefully, something she found herself doing almost all the time lately. She'd never been quite as concerned about how she appeared to the outside world before. She knew she was a reasonably attractive woman. After all, her mother had been breathtaking, and everybody Taylor knew told her how much she resembled the woman, so it only figured. It had never been important to Taylor, though, until now. Until this charming, kind-hearted, incredibly sexy redhead had shown up. Now, Taylor found herself spending countless extra minutes picking just the right color shirt, just the right shoes, just the right perfume.

She wanted so much to be beautiful for Melanie.

She ran a quick iron over her dark green shorts, thinking how Gina would scoff at the fact. She envisioned her short, butch pal easily, and could almost hear her husky voice in the room. You're ironing your shorts? What the hell for? They're shorts. They're just gonna wrinkle as soon as you sit in the car anyway. And is that nail polish on your toes? Jesus, you scare me, Rhodes. What the hell kind of dyke are you, anyway? Then, she'd throw up her hands in disgust and pop open a beer. Taylor smiled at the scenario, so typical of her college life, until she'd met Maggie. She and Gina hadn't exactly gotten along, and the two roommates had drifted apart a bit. But, Gina had always stayed in touch, putting her friendship with Taylor above her opinion of Taylor's choice in women.

Taylor decided they needed to get together before the summer ended. She wanted very much for Gina to meet Melanie.

She ran a brush through her hair, debating about pulling it back in a ponytail and deciding against it, knowing Melanie liked it down, liked tangling her fingers in it. She set her brush on the dresser next to a gold-framed picture of herself and her mother at Taylor's college graduation. They both sported huge smiles, their arms wrapped around one another. Taylor's white cap and gown contrasted beautifully with Anna's simple, forest green dress. Their hair and eyes were exactly the same color. Taylor remembered the moment fondly, with Ben scolding them to stand still long enough for him to snap the damned picture. Anna had been giddy with pride.

Taylor stroked a finger over the glass of the frame, tracing her mother's smiling face, her eyes misting slightly. " I wish you were here, Mom, " she whispered aloud. She smiled as she pictured Anna's subtle approval of Melanie. " I think you'd like her."

She sighed softly, tucking a pale yellow T-shirt into the waistband of her neatly pressed shorts, then spritzing a touch of musk at the hollow of her throat. She was still amazed at the way she felt when she thought about Melanie. She knew they had a ways to go before their relationship was perfect, but Taylor was willing to be patient with her new love. She was actually getting to the point where she was pretty sure she could read Melanie with nearly perfect accuracy. After all, the redhead's face was incredibly expressive, and it was very difficult for her to cloak her emotions. Whatever she was feeling was usually plainly apparent in her eyes.

Taylor chuckled. Just the other day, Melanie had whined her disapproval at the fact that Taylor could read her so easily, not believing she was quite as transparent as she actually was.

Slipping on her sunglasses and shifting the car into gear, Taylor headed for the nearest McDonald's, still basking in the glow of thoughts of Melanie, wanting to get back to her as quickly as possible. Given the haste of their newly founded relationship, Melanie was doing remarkably well. She was still hesitant about public displays of affection, unless they were in a gay bar, as evidenced in the bookshop earlier. Taylor had explained to her over the weekend that it would probably be a common assumption that the feminist/lesbian bookstore would be owned by a lesbian, and nobody would really care if she was seen kissing her partner, but Melanie was still uneasy. Rather than push, Taylor had chosen to wait her out, certain that she would become more at ease with that type of situation as she became more comfortable with her own sexuality. It would just take time. If it meant Melanie would stay with Taylor, Taylor was willing to wait forever.

Melanie was also unsure how to deal with women flirting with her.

It had happened more than once at TJ's, and Taylor was sure it would occur at the shop. After all, Melanie was a very attractive woman, and her being oblivious to that fact only made her more appealing. Taylor was patiently amused by the redhead's insistence that a woman flirting with her was completely different than a man flirting with her. A man, she could handle. Women absolutely flustered her.

" Just tell them you're taken, " Taylor had suggested simply.

" It's not that easy, " Melanie had complained.

" Okay, honey." Taylor had patronized with a grin.

" I'm serious, " Melanie had insisted, half-laughing and half-earnest.

" I know." That was precisely what Taylor had found so entertaining in the first place.

A smile had slowly crept across Melanie's face as Taylor's remark had belatedly penetrated. " I'm taken? "

Taylor had nodded. " You bet you are."

Tucking the Quarter Pounder with cheese and large fries safely into the passenger seat, Taylor headed for The Quill is Mightier, chuckling with glee once again at the name.

Unable to resist the smell, she dipped into the bag and stole a piping hot French fry, sucking the salt from each finger. Taking a deep breath of the fresh air whipping through the sunroof, she exhaled loudly. Life was good.

Parking the car in the back lot, Taylor entered the shop with the extra key to the rear door with which Melanie had surprised her.

She stole quietly into the back office to lay out Melanie's dinner for her, listening to her chat with the customer on whom she was waiting.

" No, unfortunately, I've been so busy getting things ready that I haven't had time to sit and read very many of the new pieces, "

Melanie was explaining. " I hope to change that as things settle into more of a routine. Not that people will necessarily need to know my opinion on the latest books, but..."

" Oh, I bet you'll get a lot of requests for your input, " the customer replied in an unmistakably flirtatious tone. Taylor froze, the French fry box in mid-air, as she recognized the voice.

Melanie chuckled, and Taylor could almost hear her blush. " I don't know about that."

" Well, let me help you out a bit. See this one? This story has an absolutely amazing love scene. It's incredibly romantic and unbelievably erotic without going over the top. Of course, if over the top is your thing, this one here is just one big orgy."

Taylor clenched her teeth, torn between running into the store and running out the back door. She didn't want to interrupt Melanie; she knew the redhead would be furious if Taylor thought she couldn't handle herself. At the same time, she didn't know how much longer she could stand here and listen to the blatant attempts at seducing her girlfriend.

" Uh, no, " Melanie was saying nervously. " Over the top is not really my cup of tea. I'm a bit more old-fashioned, I guess."

Taylor could hear the electronic beeping of the computer and could picture Melanie's delicate fingers flying over the keypad, ringing up her customer as quickly as she possibly could.

" Old-fashioned, huh? " The customer's voice hinted at a smile. " Well, how 'bout letting me buy you a good old-fashioned drink, then? You must be closing soon."

" You know what? " Taylor cocked her head and strained her ears as she noted the sudden increase of confidence in her lover's voice. " I really appreciate that, but I'm involved with somebody."

Taylor had no control over the smile that erupted across her face.

The customer lowered her voice conspiratorially. " I'm not asking you to marry me. Just let me buy you a drink. Our secret? "

Taylor could take it no longer. Scooping up the burger and fries, she walked confidently around the doorway of the office and behind the counter to set Melanie's food down, purposely not looking up.

" Here's your dinner, honey." Only then did she raise her eyes to the customer and feign surprise. " Oh. Hi there, Maggie. Doing some shopping? " She made a show of slipping her arm around Melanie, making it very clear to her ex which items were not available to her.

Melanie was looking from one woman to the other with a puzzled expression on her face. The realization was evident when it finally hit her.

Maggie's demeanor went from mildly seductive to disgusted. " This is who you're involved with? " she asked Melanie, emphasizing the last two words with heavy sarcasm by making quotation marks in the air with her fingers.

" Yes, it is, " Melanie nodded simply, not liking the woman's tone. Taylor beamed.

" Can't fault your taste, Tay. She's adorable. No wonder you wouldn't return my calls."

Taylor felt Melanie stiffen next to her and anger well up in her. " God, Maggie, when did you become such a miserable bitch? "

" Oh, I don't know, " Maggie sniped back, snatching her bag of books off the counter. " Maybe the day you walked out on me."

" Oh, please. Can't you come up with a new act? "

Maggie turned her fiery green gaze on Melanie, who was watching the exchange with wide-eyed wonder. " I hope the going never gets rough for the two of you." She jerked a thumb in Taylor's direction. " Just when you need her, she disappears." She snapped her fingers to punctuate the point, turning on her heel. " Have a nice life, Taylor."

" Fuck you, Maggie, " Taylor murmured at the retreating woman's back.

The bell over the door threatened to crash to the floor from the force of the slam. Melanie silently thanked the gods above that it was closing time and there had been no other customers in the shop to witness the exchange. She could hear Lynda's voice scolding her. Very bad for business.

She walked to the front door and locked both the dead bolt and floor bolt, shut the blinds and dimmed the lights on the window displays. She stood quietly for a minute before returning to Taylor, who still stood behind the counter, the redness in her face finally subsiding.

" Well, " Melanie said lightly, snagging a fry out of the box and popping it into her mouth. " That was interesting." She pulled herself up onto the counter facing Taylor, her legs dangling. She swung them gently as she bit into her burger and waited for Taylor to say something.

Taylor took a deep breath and studied her hands, which were pressed flat against the counter, supporting her weight. She was afraid to move them, fearing her shaking knees would be unable to hold her up. " Yeah. She certainly knows how to make an exit, doesn't she? "

" It was good, " Melanie agreed. A memory quickly flashed into her mind. " Hey, you know something? I've met her. At TJ's. She spilled her drink on me."

Taylor rolled her eyes. " Figures."

Melanie studied her partner's face. " You want to talk about her? "

" Want to? Absolutely not. Need to? Probably."

" I'm all ears." Melanie smiled warmly, and Taylor felt some of her anxiety slip away. She pulled herself up on the counter to sit next to the redhead, stealing a French fry as she tried to find a good starting point.

" I told you that Maggie was my first long-term girlfriend. I also told you that things were good, pretty solid, for the first two years. Then, we were on-again, off-again for a long time. She kept convincing me we could work things out. I finally made a clean break a couple months ago."

" She seems like she could be pretty charming, " Melanie commented, nodding. " I mean, she made me a little nervous with how forward she was, but I was intrigued."

" Oh, she's the queen of charm, " Taylor chuckled. She turned to Melanie. " You think if you weren't...seeing me...you would have gone out with her? "

Melanie considered the question honestly. " She's attractive. And she just wanted to buy me a drink. I might have."

Taylor nodded, surprisingly not threatened by Melanie's answer. " And she'd have treated you like gold. Maggie's a real sweetheart when she's sober."

" Ah." Melanie remembered the image of Maggie taking in her drink like it was necessary to sustain life and finally understood the problem. " So, what finally happened? Why is she so angry with you? "

Taylor shrugged. " I couldn't do it any more. It was like being with two different people: the Maggie I loved, and the Maggie that scared the hell out of me. It seemed that I got to see the Maggie I loved less and less. The more I tried to keep her around, the more often she'd disappear, replaced by the scary one. I felt like I didn't even know her any more."

" God, that must have been hard."

" It was awful. I didn't know what to do, how to get her back, how to make her see what she was doing to herself.

Her father was an alcoholic and she always vowed it wouldn't happen to her, so whenever I tried to point out that maybe she had a problem, she'd go absolutely ballistic on me. She even gave me a bloody nose once."

Melanie gasped. " Oh my God."

" Oh, no, " Taylor said quickly, holding up a hand. " She wasn't abusive. I don't want you to think that about her. Maggie's a really wonderful person deep down. She just needs help, and I couldn't convince her to get it." Her voice had dropped to a whisper, and she scrutinized the French fry in her hand, no longer having the appetite to eat it, feeling the cold weight of failure settling down upon her shoulders. " I tried, but I couldn't make her see it." She sighed heavily. " She says I left her when she needed me the most.

According to her version of the story, I walked out on her because I wasn't adult enough to work on our relationship. So now, she just hates me and tells everybody who'll listen what a creep I am."

Melanie put her arm around Taylor's shoulders and pulled her closer. Taylor leaned her head on Melanie's shoulder and closed her eyes. " Taylor, " Melanie said, her voice radiating quiet strength. " You did what you could. You're right. Maggie has a problem and needs to get herself some help. Sometimes, the person who's the closest is too close to make the other one understand. You tried, but Maggie has to want to get help. Nobody can make her. Please, don't feel like you failed her. You loved her."

A silent tear slid its way down Taylor's cheek and Melanie caught it with her thumb. " Oh, baby, " she whispered, kissing Taylor's temple. " Don't cry."

" I didn't run out on her when the going got tough, " Taylor explained, sounding like a small child. " I didn't disappear." She lifted her head to look into the understanding and loving blue eyes that were watching her. " I would never do that to you."

Melanie smiled, understanding dawning on her. " Is that what you're worried about? That I might believe her? Honey, I'm not giving any credence to what she said. She was angry, and she was trying to hurt you. I'm not worried that you're going to desert me in my time of need. I've never had a more rock-solid force in my life than you. I know you'll be right here, no matter how hard things might get. I trust you."

Taylor laughed out loud at the shocked looked that crossed her lover's face as she finished talking. Melanie had spoken directly from her heart, the words never even making it to her head to be approved.

" Well." The older woman shrugged, embarrassed by her embarrassment. " There you have it, I guess."

Taylor slipped off the counter to her feet and turned to face Melanie. " Wow." She was pleasantly surprised by the conviction in Melanie's words, and she smiled as she absently drew a pattern on Melanie's knee with her thumb. " You think I'm a rock, huh? "

Melanie wrapped her legs around Taylor's waist and pulled her in, their noses touching, their eyes searching deeply. " Yes. I do."

" I love you, " Taylor said simply.

" I love you, too, sweetheart." Melanie knew inside that she still had some things to deal with. After all, coming to terms with your alternative sexuality was not something that occurred every day, and it was not something that most people dealt with unquestioningly, without any turbulence. She would have some trouble for a bit, she knew that. She needed to have several discussions with both family members and friends; she needed to talk to Ben. She also knew that she could think of nobody she'd rather have in her corner during the upcoming battle she would inevitably have with herself than this strong, loving, passionate woman before her. She pressed her lips soundly against Taylor's, kissing her fully and deeply, trying to give all of herself over willingly, gently placing her heart in Taylor's capable hands.

Taylor kissed her back with equal parts passion and promise, vowing to cradle this gift of her lover's heart, to treasure it, to protect it with everything she had. She felt a distinct sense of peace settle over them, warming them like a woolen blanket, keeping them safe and secure in the company of one another.

The kiss became deeper still, Melanie's hands on either side of Taylor's head, her tongue probing the warm wetness of Taylor's mouth, Taylor's hands under Melanie's shirt, kneading the planes of her back.

Taylor pulled away breathlessly, kissing her way to Melanie's ear. " Remember what happened the last time you were sitting on a counter?

Melanie's breath caught in her throat at the memory. With a growl, she brought Taylor's lips back to her own and continued her exploration. Using her right hand, she fumbled along the wall, searching blindly, finally sighing in satisfaction as her palm made contact with the light switch and she plunged the shop into darkness.

 

 


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