Chapter Sixteen

Nothing held Elizabeth’s attention. She tried swimming, running, anything to get her mind off the conversation with Colby three days ago. She hadn’t slept worth a damn and was cranky and irritable on top of everything else. She had spent most of yesterday and today on the beach looking for any sign of Colby, finally going to her shop to see if she could find her there.

Colby had taken her to the surf shop only once, to fit her with a wet suit before their snorkeling trip. She had never been in a specialty store for water sports, and the two dozen different surfboards that lined one wall had fascinated her. Colby had patiently explained the differences between the boards, and Elizabeth had hidden her surprise when Colby let it slip she was the owner. She knew Colby lived above the shop and had wanted nothing more than to drag her up there and tour her naked body.

What would she say to Colby when she saw her again? What could she say? “Your girlfriend was a selfish bitch in life and is continuing to be in death? ” Or how about, “It’s been three years. It wasn’t your fault, get over it.” Oh, yeah, that last one would definitely do the trick.

Several cars were parked in the lot in front of the blue building, none of them Colby’s truck. She might have parked around back, but Elizabeth suspected she wasn’t even here. “I wouldn’t be if I were her, ” she said, turning off the ignition. “I’d run and hide from me, ” she said to no one as she opened the front door of the store anyway.

A quick look told her Colby wasn’t inside. The clerk recognized her from when she was in with Colby earlier, and when she asked him if he knew where Colby was, he shook his head, saying he hadn’t seen her in a few days. Elizabeth had known this trip was fruitless when she started, but had to come anyway to cover all the bases.

Returning to her hotel, she passed a turnout on her left and caught a glimpse of the ocean through the break in the foliage. She checked her rearview mirror, then made a quick U-turn and parked on the shoulder. She needed a moment alone near the water where she wouldn’t be constantly looking for Colby.

A series of stairs led down from the road and she quickly descended below street level, leaving the noise of passing cars behind her. The trail became more difficult when it turned from pre-formed cement to dirt and rock. Her sandals were more dangerous than protective so she slipped them off and continued down the rough path. She heard the crashing waves and picked up her pace, careful not to trip over an exposed root or a rock covered in slippery sand.

What a picture-postcard-beautiful scene. A sheer rock cliff rose on her right about two hundred yards away. Miles of beach stretched to her left. The sand was smooth, the waves intense, and she was alone. Or she thought she was until she spotted a lone figure walking away from her. She would recognize the graceful moves, the tilt of the head, the tall, tan body anywhere. Elizabeth stood where she was. There was only one way in and out of the area, and unless Colby planned to swim, she would have to pass her to leave.

The expression on Colby’s face told Elizabeth she was thinking about how to avoid her. Colby hesitated, then continued toward her. Elizabeth’s mind flashed to another time when Colby had emerged from the water, taken her hand, and kissed her.

When Colby got close enough Elizabeth could see the lines of fatigue on her face, the frown replacing the dimples she loved so much. She didn’t know if Colby would walk right by her and didn’t know how she’d react if she did.

Colby stopped in front of her. She waited for Colby to speak first, which felt like an eternity.

“Hello, Elizabeth.” Colby’s voice was flat, devoid of any emotion.

“Colby.” Elizabeth wanted to say more, something, anything to keep her here. She wanted to talk some sense into her even if it took beating her head against the rocks. But why? She wouldn’t be here to reap the benefits. She’d be back at school refereeing battles with snippy teachers. She noticed cuts and scrapes on Colby’s right arm. “What happened? ” she asked, pointing to the wounds.

Colby looked at the area as if having forgotten the injury was there. “Just a little scrape.”

It looked like more than just a little scrape, but Elizabeth didn’t say anything more about it. In fact, she didn’t say anything. That is, until Colby started to walk away.

“Colby.”

Colby stopped but didn’t turn around. She didn’t say anything either.

“Colby, we have to talk.”

“Elizabeth, I’m not going to talk about this.” The waves were loud but Colby’s voice was louder.

“What are you doing, Colby? What’s going on here? One minute you’re all over me and the next you’re running away.”

“I’m not.”

“Bullshit. At least be honest about it.”

“Elizabeth, we had some fun, but that’s all it was. I thought you understood that.”

“Whatever gave you the idea I was looking for something else? For God’s sake, Colby, I’m here on vacation. Not to find my life partner.” Elizabeth shook her head. “It’s about Gretchen, and before you say anything, let me finish, ” she said, raising her hands to ward off Colby’s rebuttal. “You dropped a bomb on me, Colby. How was I supposed to react? It wasn’t as if you had a simple little breakup in your back story.”

“And just because we fucked a few times, you don’t have the right to judge, ” Colby said angrily.

Colby’s harsh words stuck her like a knife. In the beginning she would have characterized it more as sex than fucking. Certainly the last few times it was much more than that—at least to her. This wasn’t the time for that kind of discussion.

“Is that what you think I did? ” Elizabeth could see she would have to work hard to keep this conversation calm.

“That’s exactly what you did, judge me, ” she shot back.

Elizabeth didn’t agree but didn’t say so. “I’m sorry if you took it that way, Colby. It wasn’t my intention.” Some of the anger in Colby’s eyes dissipated. “I didn’t get to where I am by being shy. I’m outspoken, and I’ll admit it’s not one of my best qualities at times. You just don’t know that about me.” Actually, Colby knew more about her than most people did. Colby took the time to talk and ask questions, pump her, challenge her intellect. Until she had done some research and discovered Colby’s history and profession, she simply thought she was inquisitive.

“No, you’re not shy, ” Colby said, finally cracking a smile.

“Look, I’m here for another few weeks. I enjoy your company and I think you enjoy mine as well.” Colby nodded. “Can we just put this behind us? ”

“And do what? Pick up where we left off? ”

Elizabeth hesitated before answering. Was that what she wanted? A few more days and nights with Colby with nothing between them but sex? That wasn’t like her. But she hadn’t been herself practically since she set foot on this island.

“I’m not here to change your life or how you choose to live it, Colby. I’m just a woman who needed to get away from it all, and I like where you take me.” Elizabeth felt herself blush as she remembered all the places Colby had taken her.

“Look.” Elizabeth sighed, suddenly very tired. “I’m going home to my job, my life, and all the complications that go with it. I’m sorry if that sounds crass but, well, you said it yourself, it is what it is.” Elizabeth was trying to convince herself as well as Colby, and Colby was looking at her as if deciding the same thing. She imagined Colby would have that same thoughtful expression as she studied a set of lab results or the open chest of a newborn. “So, yeah, if that’s what we do, make each other feel good, so what? ”

Colby wondered if she could trust Elizabeth. She ran her fingers through her hair as she tried to decide. Was it really that simple? Was she only interested in a summer fling? Elizabeth hadn’t given any indication otherwise up to this point. What made her think she would start now? Especially now with all the baggage she carried around every day out in the open. If she ever decided to venture out of her self-imposed exile, who would want her? She had given up a great career to be a beach bum. What kind of long-term ambition was that? She was quite a catch. Yeah, the kind you took one look at and threw back.

“I’m sorry I overreacted. It’s just you’re the only person I’ve told about Gretchen.”

“What about your family? ”

“No. They knew Gretchen killed herself but none of the details. The coroner’s inquest was sealed. They didn’t ask and I didn’t tell.” The pang of guilt was stronger than ever this time.

Colby was relieved when Elizabeth shifted away from the painful topic. It took at least another fifteen minutes before she began to relax and let her guard down. She seemed to be doing that a lot lately with Elizabeth. Yeah, and look where it got her. Her secret was out and that genie could never go back into the bottle. What in the hell was she supposed to do with it now?

“Getting enough sun, sand, and sex? ”

“Good morning to you too, Diane.” Elizabeth spoke quietly and went out to the patio, closing the doors behind her so she wouldn’t wake Colby. Another three days had passed since their discussion on the beach, and in that time they had trod lightly on topics of conversation, both preferring to communicate the old-fashioned way, with their bodies.

Elizabeth was savoring every moment in Colby’s arms. This all would end soon, and she found herself wishing the summer would last forever. She had given up on any idea of putting distance between them to ease the pain. She’d deal with it when she left. The more time she spent with Colby, the more she saw what a kind, caring person she was. No wonder she was such a good doctor. She didn’t think Colby was aware of it, but she had changed since her disclosure. She was more demonstrative, always touching Elizabeth in soft, subtle ways as if clinging to her. Was Colby trying to hold on to what they had? She told herself to stop thinking like that.

“Shit, it’s lunchtime here. You should be glad I waited this late to call. Now answer my question about sun, sand, and sex, especially the sex.”

Elizabeth laughed. It was typical for Diane to cut right to the chase. “Yes. Yes, in some interesting places, and there’s never enough.” She waited for her friend to process her answers.

“Do tell, sister.” That was Diane’s favorite phrase.

“Diane, you know I don’t kiss and tell.”

“That’s because you never did anything to talk about.”

Well, she was certainly making up for it now. The soreness in her legs confirmed it. Diane prodded her again. “She’s a surfing instructor, ” Elizabeth said tentatively.

“Ooh, hot body, lots of tanned skin.”

Elizabeth smiled, picturing how she had left Colby naked, sprawled across the bed on the other side of the villa. “You can say that again.” And when Diane did, Elizabeth flushed.

“I repeat, do tell, ” Diane said.

“She’s funny and charming, polite and very attentive.” That was their code for a partner that cared as much about their sexual pleasure as their own. Both she and Diane had had lovers who practically didn’t give a damn about their orgasms.

Diane inhaled sharply. “And does this wonder woman have a name? ”

“Colby.”

“Mmm, very androgynous.”

Elizabeth agreed that Colby’s dark complexion, spiky hair, and chiseled body was just that, but she knew firsthand that Colby was all woman. “She’s Hawaiian and hot.”

“Why are you whispering? ” Before Elizabeth had a chance to answer, Diane said, “She’s there with you now, isn’t she? ”

“Yes, she’s still sleeping.” Elizabeth had woken before Colby and had lain in her arms listening to her breathe. They had been up most of the night making love, rarely saying anything more than an occasional “yes, ” “right there, ” and “harder” to each other.

As Colby slept, Elizabeth struggled to sort out her feelings. How much of her emotional turmoil was tied up in the fact that she was with a charming, stunningly beautiful woman in paradise? This wasn’t reality. She was on vacation, and real life had a way of staying discreetly in the background. What would it be like when everyday life was overlaid on their relationship?

What relationship? she had asked herself in the dark. This wasn’t a relationship. At least not in the way she was used to it being defined. They weren’t a couple. Hell, they weren’t even dating. What were they? She had fallen for Colby, that was definite. But Colby hadn’t indicated that she felt anything for her other than physically.

Elizabeth tried not to read anything into the way Colby had touched her last night. It had felt unique, more intense, her touch alternating between hot desire and sweet passion, each time melting into the time before until finally they collapsed in exhaustion. She had slept only an hour or so before waking and lying quietly so she wouldn’t disturb her lover. Could she stay? How absurd was that? She had a career, responsibilities, family, and friends. She had a contract for the next three years. She couldn’t possibly leave all that.

And do what? Serve drinks at a resort? There weren’t many jobs like hers here on the island. She would go nuts without something meaningful to do. Yeah, that and the fact that Colby hadn’t given her any indication that she wanted her to. That thought and nature had finally propelled her out of bed, and she was careful not to wake Colby.

“You go, girl! ” Diane’s words bounced across the miles. She had ragged on her forever about getting out more. Getting laid was more accurate. Obviously Diane was pleased.

“As a matter of fact…” Elizabeth began teasing her.

“No, I don’t want to hear any more about it. Go back in there and give her a great big wet wake-up kiss just for me. That way when I meet her she’ll remember me.”

Elizabeth paused. “I doubt you’ll ever meet her, Diane. It’s not like we’ve fallen madly in love and will live happily ever after.” Elizabeth heard the catch in her voice. She still didn’t know when she had stupidly gone and done it. Fallen in love with a woman she couldn’t have. Maybe if she kept denying it, it would somehow mysteriously disappear. Fat chance.

“Of course not, ” Diane replied. “She’s only a surf instructor, for God’s sake.”

Elizabeth didn’t like the way Diane said “surf instructor.” She made it sound low-class. Like Colby was incapable of anything else. Elizabeth knew how far from the truth that statement was. Diane was a social snob. Was she like that too?

If she was honest, she’d felt a thrill in being with a surf instructor on vacation. A little bad-girl thing. A bit decadent and risqué. It might have been like that in the beginning, but she certainly didn’t think that now.

“She’s more than a surf instructor, Diane.”

“What does that mean? ”

“Nothing, but there’s more to Colby than just teaching people how to surf.”

Diane’s voice was serious this time. “Are you falling for her? ”

“Of course not, ” Elizabeth answered quickly. She wasn’t falling. She had fallen.

“Be careful, Elizabeth.”

“Diane, I am not falling for her, ” Elizabeth said firmly. “You said it yourself. I needed to get out more, have fun. There’s nothing more to our relationship than sex. Well, it’s fabulous sex, but that’s it. Diane, I know what I’m doing and who I am and what my limitations are. I don’t plan to fall for someone that I have nothing in common with and who, by the way, lives thirty states away. How stupid do you think I am? ” Keep saying that and eventually you might believe it, Elizabeth.

Colby eased back into the room, careful not to draw Elizabeth’s attention. Elizabeth’s words echoed in her head. “Don’t plan to fall for someone that I have nothing in common with.” Her mother had always told her nothing good came from eavesdropping. She hadn’t meant to listen in on Elizabeth’s conversation. She didn’t even know she was on the phone until she slid the door open. Elizabeth had told her the same thing a few days ago, but it sounded different when she was saying it to somebody else. It hurt. It hurt, a lot, and Colby did what she did best when in pain. She turned into herself and ran.

Her legs were unsteady. She stumbled back to the bedroom. She needed to leave, she needed to get out. She felt the same as she had once the realization of what she had done to Gretchen set in.

Elizabeth spoke when she was buttoning the top button on her shorts. “Where are you going? I’m not done with you yet.”

Her voice was soft and sexy, and Colby cursed the fact that her pulse raced with the familiar fast cadence that began whenever she was around her. She hadn’t heard Elizabeth come into the room. She reached for her shirt, hiding her shaking hands by putting it on, then turned around.

Elizabeth was propped against the doorjamb, arms crossed over her chest, looking relaxed. God, she was sexy, and Colby’s muscles tightened as they did every time she thought it.

“I have to go. There’s something I’ve gotta do this morning.” Her excuse was lame but she didn’t care.

“At seven a.m.? This is Hawaii. Nothing happens at this hour.”

Colby scooted by Elizabeth, careful not to touch any part of her. She knew well enough that she wouldn’t have the willpower to stop what her body cried out to do.

“Colby? ” Elizabeth’s voice was questioning.

Colby didn’t look back and continued down the hall and out the front door.

Suddenly she couldn’t breathe. She seemed to have left every molecule of oxygen in Elizabeth’s room. Colby felt absolutely alone. Somehow, deep inside, she knew the door closing behind her symbolized much more.