Chapter Seventeen. Colby didn’t know how she got here

Colby didn’t know how she got here. She hadn’t been to this place in years and never thought she’d come here again. She punched in the code to open the gate without thinking and slowly drove along the brick wall that curved to the right. The shrubs and lawn next to the long drive were neatly trimmed and gave no indication that the owner couldn’t have cared less about the condition of the prime real estate.

The familiar beeping of the security alarm went silent after Colby punched in a different set of numbers that she remembered as if she had entered them just last night. The interior of the large house smelled a bit damp and stale, as if no fresh air had drifted through it in a long time. She hadn’t been inside it for at least five years but, judging by the lack of dust and cobwebs, her attorney continued to periodically send in a cleaning crew.

She ran her fingers across the kitchen countertop, remembering the week she had the dark granite installed. The cabinetmaker had recommended a woman in Honolulu, and Colby was pleasantly surprised when she came to measure that she was a lesbian as well. Colby had sensed the woman was attracted to her and she admired the woman for keeping their relationship strictly professional. More than a few times during the remodeling of this house she had to subtly and at times not so subtly decline an invitation from other contractors for more than what she was paying for. Why did some people think you were fair game just because you were separated from your partner by a few thousand miles?

No matter how stressed or unconnected she had felt with Gretchen, she never strayed. When she committed to someone she was faithful regardless of the situation. She was never attracted to another woman the entire time she was with Gretchen and could proudly state as much even on their last days together.

Having abandoned her shoes at the door, she wandered through the rest of the house, the tile cool on her feet. She couldn’t remember many happy times. Gretchen had never really liked this house, though she liked the idea of having a three-thousand-square-foot house on a hill overlooking the Pacific Ocean to impress people with. She and Gretchen had argued about that fact so often that Colby had almost put the property up for sale. Colby had inherited the house from her favorite aunt on her father’s side when she was still in med school. That only her name was on the title had caused yet another argument, but a nagging suspicion had made her keep it that way. When she began to see Gretchen’s true nature, Colby was glad she had.

The double French doors opened easily, the curtain billowing in the soft ocean breeze. Gretchen had insisted on decorating the master bedroom; the massive four-poster canopy bed and the shades of red and gold reminded Colby more of a Las Vegas hotel room than the bedroom of two women in love. She couldn’t remember the last time she and Gretchen had made love in the big bed, or anywhere else in the house, for that matter.

She didn’t really care how that room or any of the rest of the house was decorated, preferring to focus her attention on the house’s landscaping at the time, but now it seemed garish. One quick call to one of her weekly dinner mates would change all that.

After slipping her tennis shoes back on her feet, Colby grabbed the key that hung by the back door and headed for the storage shed next to the garage. She made quick work of the lock and swung the double doors open. The scent of grass and dried clippings filled her nostrils, making her feel warm, full, and exhilarated. She checked the fluids in the green lawn tractor and added two gallons of gas and a quart of oil before she settled comfortably onto the yellow seat. With a flick of a switch the engine turned over and, after sputtering a few times, settled into a rhythmic hum. She shifted into drive and edged the mower out onto the expansive green lawn.

Other than surfing, puttering around her yard was the only thing that truly relaxed her. She didn’t know how much she’d missed it until she drove the mower back and forth across the grass, deftly maneuvering around trees and shrubs. The pattern left behind the mower indicated that the grass really didn’t need more than a trim.

Her mind floated as she drove. Familiar sights, sounds, and smells cascaded around her like old friends. The sun warmed her skin and the breeze ruffled her short hair. A fly buzzed around her head. At one time she would have thought it a pest, but now it didn’t bother her. Her sunglasses kept the harshest glare out of her eyes while her ear plugs restricted the mower’s loud noise. She had always been a stickler for safety, whether it was with razor-sharp scalpels in the operating room or yard equipment at home. As a physician, her body was her livelihood. As a…what was she now? A former physician? A surf instructor? A store owner?

It dawned on Colby that she had always defined herself by her job. Her occupation had determined her self-worth as far back as she could remember. But those things really didn’t matter. Not anymore. What mattered was how you were as a person, as an individual living in the present. Did you contribute to society or simply take? Did you make the life of someone better? Did you help preserve the planet for its future inhabitants? Did you make a difference?

Elizabeth did. She was shaping and forming the minds of young people for future generations. She affected the lives of her students every day by creating an atmosphere conducive to learning and fighting for resources that the students at her school needed.

But what did she do? She used to save lives. Or at least work tirelessly using every skill she had to try. Making someone’s vacation memorable was nothing in comparison. Or was it? Memories were made during vacations, families came together, and couples reconnected. Wasn’t she a part of that? Often family members were in her class or at least on the beach keeping a careful eye on their loved one. Wasn’t creating those memories important too?

“I give up, ” Elizabeth said, tossing her things into her bag. She’d walked up and down the shoreline for miles every day, looking for any sign of Colby. Finally, exhaustion, sunburn, and the sheer futility of trying to find one person on an island with a population of 150, 000 was too much to ignore. That and the fact that Colby obviously didn’t want to be found.

Colby wanted to end their relationship, that was clear. Elizabeth laughed at her choice of words. Where in the hell did that come from? What they were to each other was as much a relationship as sex was to love. One didn’t necessarily equal the other.

She thought she knew what she was getting into when she let Colby kiss her that first time, but she had never anticipated this. And Colby knew she was on her island for only a short time. Locals didn’t sit on the beach in front of a popular tourist resort and drink Lava Flows all day. She was ideal. A little fun, a little sand in all the right places, and Elizabeth would be gone. What a perfect life Colby had carved out for herself. No chance of any demands on her. If someone got too close, she would simply disappear until the woman left the island.

Elizabeth had repeated this mantra ever since Colby walked out the door of her villa five days earlier. She had given her two days to call her, but when she hadn’t, Elizabeth started looking for her. And how stupid was that? Rarely, if ever, had she chased a woman, and it made absolutely no sense to do so now. Especially now.

And what was all this shit about her dead girlfriend? Gretchen was the one who decided to jump off the fucking bridge. Nobody pushed her, even if Colby believed she did. She had read Gretchen’s obituary. The woman was thirty-eight, for God’s sake, and responsible for her own life. Elizabeth could only imagine the pain and grief Colby must have had to endure those first few days. And she carried it with her even now.

The next week passed incredibly slowly, Elizabeth unable to concentrate on anything. Finally it was time to go home. Actually, she was leaving a few days early because nothing was keeping her here. Nothing at all. She was returning to her house, her friends, her job, her life. She’d expected she’d be excited to leave, since she really didn’t want to come on this little vacation in the first place, but she didn’t expect to feel torn and apprehensive.

Silently she packed. Her pulse quickened when she put the waterproof cameras she’d used on their snorkeling trip into her suitcase. Her mouth turned suddenly dry when the swimsuit she was wearing the first time Colby touched her followed. Her stomach churned when she folded the Skyline Experience T-shirt she’d bought before they ascended the mountain. The place where it all started to fall apart. Shaking the thoughts away, she zipped the case, checked the room one more time, then closed the door behind her.

As the front-desk clerk completed her paperwork, Elizabeth didn’t even try to fight the urge to look around the lobby for Colby. She had dreamed last night that she was in this exact spot and a voice from behind her said, “Don’t go.” A jolt of electricity slammed through her body and she grabbed the counter to stay upright. She couldn’t think, her sudden dizziness telling her she probably couldn’t breathe either. All the noise in the busy lobby stopped. Every bird squawking, every car horn, every sound on the island stopped. Except one. “Please.”

Colby’s voice was little more than a whisper prompting Elizabeth to turn around. Standing in front of her was the woman who had made her laugh, willingly jump off a mountain, and swim with the turtles off the bow of the catamaran. She had taught her to surf, eat sushi in a restaurant in Lahaina, and laugh at her own clumsiness. She made her heart thunder in her chest and her blood race so fast Elizabeth thought she might die. She had touched her like no one ever had, and more than once she felt as if she had died and floated to heaven. And she was asking her to stay.

Wordlessly Colby took her hand, and in the next instant they were naked in Colby’s small bed in her tiny apartment sharing wonderful sensations. Colby made love to her with a patience that drove her wild with need.

It started with her kisses, and Colby’s kiss was never enough. Tenderly she kissed Elizabeth’s eyes, her cheeks, the line of her jaw, until her soft lips had touched almost every inch of Elizabeth’s face. Colby was a fabulous kisser and Elizabeth desperately wanted their lips together, Colby’s strong, demanding tongue in her mouth. But every time she turned her head toward Colby’s kisses, Colby moved away until Elizabeth was gasping in need. Colby finally covered her mouth with hers.

Slowly at first, almost tentatively, Colby trailed her tongue over Elizabeth’s swollen lips, then teased her until she finally decided to slip inside. Their tongues danced and Elizabeth willingly followed where Colby led.

Colby lay beside her and explored Elizabeth’s body as if it were unfamiliar terrain. However, it hardly was. Elizabeth was certain Colby knew the location of every crease, freckle, and scar. She knew where Elizabeth was ticklish, where she needed to be touched firmly, and where just a breath of a touch would send a jolt from the top of her head to the tip of her toes. And she used that knowledge to drive Elizabeth crazy with desire.

Featherlight kisses caressed her throat, then Colby traced the pounding vein in her neck with her teeth. Her hands weren’t still but slowly moved up and down Elizabeth’s sides, each trip just that much closer to her breasts. Elizabeth arched into the stroke and groaned her frustration when Colby kept caressing her.

Colby’s mouth eased down Elizabeth’s neck at the same time her right hand edged up to cup her breast. Lightly licking her breast like a precious flower, Colby ignored the nipple that was begging for attention. Elizabeth wanted Colby to flick her hot tongue over the tight nipple and suck the hard tip until she came. Colby must have read her mind because she started with the breast in her hand and, when she had her fill, moved on to the other.

Elizabeth’s moans of ecstasy filled the small room and Colby slowed her pace. They had been together enough times for Colby to sense when she was on the verge of orgasm, and one more bite on the sensitive tip would do it.

Colby moved her hand down her stomach and slid her fingers through her warm, wet folds.

“Picture my face between your legs, my lips on you, my tongue rubbing you, right there where you need it. I feel it. Picture me looking up at you. Your juices on my face, my eyes locked with yours. What are you thinking? What do you want to say? You know what I hear you say? I hear you saying, ‘Fuck me. Lick my pussy. Lick me, lick me, lick me.’ Picture my head rocking back and forth as my tongue fucks you until you come.”

Elizabeth bit hard into her neck, her scream smothered.

Her breathing slowly returned to its natural cadence. Her throat was raw and she was still more than a little light-headed. Sex with Colby was astonishing.

“Well, now that’s settled, ” she said, almost embarrassingly. Colby held her hand, stopping her retreat.

“Elizabeth? ”

She didn’t know if it was a question or simply her name.

Colby lifted her chin. “Look at me.”

Elizabeth had trouble obeying the soft command, but the sound of Colby’s voice overrode her hesitation.

“You’re beautiful.” The same simple words she’d said that first night.

“Miss Collins? ” The desk clerk’s voice plunged her headlong back to the present. She had to blink several times to drive the erotic dream from her mind. It was a few more seconds before she could answer coherently. “I’m sorry, what did you say? ”

“I asked if you enjoyed your stay? ” The look on the clerk’s face said she expected nothing other than a resounding yes. Elizabeth didn’t disappoint her as she folded her receipt in half.

“If I may ask, ” the clerk paused, “what was the most enjoyable part of your visit to Maui? ”

Elizabeth hesitated. Everything in her wanted to say Colby. She would be the only memory Elizabeth would keep with her forever. Long after the beautiful beaches dissolved in her mind and the fiery sunsets faded in her photographs, she would remember Colby coming out of the water, mastering Mother Nature’s waves, laughing, smiling when she looked at her. Her body would never forget Colby’s skillful, yet tender touch.

Elizabeth looked around the lush lobby one last time before answering. “Everything.”

Colby stopped the mower and turned off the engine. The ticking of the cooling motor was all she could hear over the hammering beat of her heart. Two weeks had passed since she had come here, back to her house. She had performed this benign household chore more often than she needed, and whether it was the melodic hum of the motor, the warmth of the sun on her face, or communing with nature, her mind was clearer than it had been in years. The sun was brighter today, the chirping of the birds clearer, the roar of the surf louder. She had just emerged from the overcast skies that had been her life for the past three years.

Elizabeth. The reason was as clear as the sky overhead. Elizabeth had come into her life, and her heart and body had switched back on. Only it wasn’t that quick or that finite. It resembled many other aspects of nature. A butterfly floated in the air and Colby thought of a caterpillar, moving through life one millimeter at a time, then weaving its cocoon and waiting until the right time to explode into life.

She was like that butterfly or, more correctly, had been the caterpillar hunkered down in her cocoon waiting for someone to come into her life and unravel her protective barrier. Not just anyone, for she had more than a few opportunities. The first time she saw Elizabeth she began to transform into her new life.

Colby sat in the middle of her yard, where she had always felt the most comfortable, the most real, and all the pieces fell into place. The prickling sensation that someone was watching her, the first time she saw Elizabeth sitting on the beach, the overwhelming need to kiss her, to touch her.

Often throughout the past few years she had needed a connection, the touch of another human being. She had always believed she was getting it from the sometimes-anonymous sex, when what she needed was the absolute opposite. Yes, she needed connection, but she needed something emotional, not physical. She just didn’t realize it until Elizabeth.

She had spent more time wanting to be with Elizabeth than she had actually been with her. She had no idea when it happened, but it was as clear to her as if it had been tattooed on her chest at the Painted Lady. Elizabeth was the light at the end of a long, dark tunnel. She was the ray of hope Colby had been unknowingly searching for.

Colby sat frozen in the seat, stunned by the realization of what her life had been and what it could be. Elizabeth wasn’t her reason for living, but she gave her the nudge she needed to get on with her life.

She looked around. Her house, the beautiful grounds she cultivated with her own hands, the breathtaking view didn’t symbolize anything. She didn’t have to live a life of sparseness to pay her debt to Gretchen. Gretchen would have done what she intended to one way or another. She simply chose to take Colby with her. But at what cost? By allowing herself to be dragged into Gretchen’s selfishness, Colby was hurting the ones she loved, who loved her, the children she could otherwise be helping. Who was the selfish one now?

Could she go back to her life before? Before Gretchen killed herself? Before she became oblivious to the world around her other than her patients? Did she want to live that way again? She would fall into the same trap if she didn’t consciously change her attitude. Change what really mattered to her. Could she do it? Did she want to? Could she live with herself if she didn’t?

She’d never shied away from the unknown in her old life. She took it as a challenge, not stopping until she conquered it. But she wasn’t that person now. She was still learning who she was and where Elizabeth fit into her life. The answers to these questions scared the hell out of her.