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CHAPTER EIGHTEEN. KARA FELT GINNY move away, taking her warmth with her, and she opened her eyes, finding Ginny sitting on the side of the bed
KARA FELT GINNY move away, taking her warmth with her, and she opened her eyes, finding Ginny sitting on the side of the bed, the sheet wrapped loosely around her hips.
"What is it?" Kara asked.
"I've got to go," Ginny said.
Kara reached out and touched her back, moving lightly across her silken skin. "What time is it?" She didn't even remember falling asleep.
"After two," Ginny said.
"Are you all right?" Kara asked softly.
Ginny smiled in the darkness. She was exhausted. Her body was numb and she was certain that she wouldn't be able to walk. But all right? She didn't know. She felt almost as if she were in a dream. Almost. She turned around and took Kara's hand, bringing it to her lips, tasting the remnants of her desire still clinging to Kara's fingers.
"I'm fine, really," she murmured. "But I've got to go. Nana will be worried."
Kara knelt behind her, brushing her hair off of her neck and putting her lips there. Ginny sighed, surprised that her body still had the energy to respond. She turned and found Kara's lips, swollen like her own after their night of lovemaking.
"We need to talk," Kara stated gently.
"Yes, I know." Ginny smiled slightly and touched Kara's face, feeling her jaw clinch. "Last night was..."
"Incredible," Kara finished for her.
"Yes. Yes, it was. But I need some time... to think," Ginny said softly. She felt Kara withdraw, felt her body tense and she brushed at Kara's hair gently, letting her fingertips run down her smooth cheek to her swollen lips. "I've got to go," she said again.
Kara nodded. "Okay."
"Kara... it's never been like this for me," she confessed. "I'm so scared."
"I know. But please don't hate me. No matter what happens, please don't hate me."
"No. I don't. I couldn't."
Ginny reached for her clothes and she felt Kara's eyes on her. Her body responded just knowing that Kara was looking at her and she wanted to crawl back in bed with Kara and make love all over again. But she dressed slowly, not daring to look at Kara. She needed some time to sort out her feelings.
"I got up at midnight and you still weren't home," Nana said as they had coffee. "I was beginning to worry."
"I'm sorry. Time just got away," Ginny said weakly. She knew she looked a sight. She could hardly meet her own eyes in the mirror. Her lips were swollen and red and she was certain that Nana would be able to tell exactly what she had been doing last night.
"Well, you look like you've hardly slept a wink. And as tired as you've been lately," Nana fussed.
And she was exhausted. More tired than she could ever remember being. Her thoughts felt jumbled. Should she feel ashamed? Should she be thinking of Phil? All she could see was Kara, Kara's beautiful body under her hands, under her mouth. Kara crying out when Ginny's tongue touched her. Ginny crossed her legs and looked away. She wanted her. After spending hours loving her last night, she still wanted her. She could spend hours more in her arms.
"Are you worried about Phil?" Nana asked.
"Well, he hasn't called in awhile and you just haven't been yourself lately. Why don't you give him a call," Nana said gently. "It wouldn't hurt for you to make the next move, you know."
Oh, Nana, if you only knew, she thought. She sighed wearily. "No, he hasn't called in a couple of weeks."
"More like four," Nana said.
"I don't want to call him, Nana," Ginny said firmly.
"This playing hard to get will only last so long," Nana said.
Ginny laughed. "I'm not playing hard to get. I'm just not ready to see him," she said.
"Have you talked to Kara about him?"
"Yes. We've talked," Ginny said, and it wasn't a lie. Kara knew all about Phil.
"What does she think?"
Ginny was nearly overcome with a case of nervous laughter and she covered her mouth with her hand. God, what was she supposed to say to that? That Kara thinks that a man has no idea how to touch a woman? And it was true, of course.
"She thinks I don't love Phil," Ginny said.
"Well, she's probably not the best one to ask. After all, she's never been married," Nana said.
Not to a man, no.
At lunch, Ginny walked to the park, eating her sandwich without tasting it, her mind jumping between Kara and Phil. She had spent four years with Phil, going on five now if she counted the separation. Only one night with Kara. And there was no doubt in her mind that she had found what she had been looking for. That burning desire. That magic. And she had found it in another woman's arms. In Kara's arms. And she was still frightened.
Now what? Was she a... lesbian? Would she feel that way in any woman's arms? She didn't think so. It wasn't as if she was attracted to every woman she saw. Only Renee before this. But was that the truth? After Renee, she had refused to form any close friendships with women. She knew now, that self-consciously, she was running, hiding. She had just never entertained the idea of being with a woman sexually. It hadn't been a possibility before. She just assumed that what she had with Phil was all there was and that it would have to be enough.
But again, the question nagged at her. Was it Kara or was it women? She thought back to the first time she had met Kara, that day in the store. Hadn't she felt something even then? Hadn't her breath caught when she looked into Kara's blue eyes? Yes. And the more she was with her, the more she thought about her, about being touched by her.
She threw her sandwich away and walked along the trail, remembering last night. She had been afraid. She hadn't known what to do. But in Kara's arms, she knew. She knew how to touch her, knew what made Kara's body respond. She just knew. Like Kara had known.
She leaned against a tree, her eyes closed to the sun and she remembered Kara's mouth on her, her tongue sliding through her wetness, bringing her to orgasm. Her breath caught, feeling the now familiar desire surge through her. Desire for Kara, a woman.
Why hadn't Phil ever loved her that way? He had never even tried and she hadn't known that she wanted him to. Would it have been the same with him? No. But if he had, would she then have been satisfied? No. Phil just didn't make her feel the way that Kara did. And she had never wanted to pleasure Phil the way that she did Kara.
She waited for the shame to strike her, but it didn't. She had been nervous, so nervous. Even now, she still had a hard time believing that she had spent the night making love with a woman, making love to a woman. But she had. And it had felt so right. Maybe that's what frightened her now. It had felt right to be with Kara. And it was okay. She had survived.
She pushed off the tree, heading back. She was ready for the day to be over. She wanted to see Kara again. And she wasn't frightened in the least.
"I'm going to Kara's," Ginny said. "Don't wait dinner."
"Again? Isn't she working?"
"I don't know." Had she been able to work? "I might be late," Ginny called.
"Well, I won't worry if you are. You'll get something to eat?"
Ginny felt a blush creep along her face as Nana watched her. Something to eat? They wouldn't bother with food, no. Each other's body was all the nourishment they needed tonight.
Ginny found Kara on the porch and their eyes held. Ginny saw relief in Kara's eyes and she smiled slightly. She took Kara's hand and led her inside without a word.
They stood staring, their eyes seeking. Then they flew together, arms wrapping around the other, lips searching and touching, tongues dancing in greeting. Ginny reached up and pulled Kara's shirt over her head, again finding no bra. Her hands went to her, cupping her swollen breasts, taking a nipple into her mouth.
Kara groaned, her own hands reaching out to Ginny, lifting her shirt, touching her warm skin.
Ginny drew back and stripped off her shirt, watching Kara's eyes darken when she dropped her bra to the floor. Ginny took her hand and led her into the bedroom, not bothering with the covers. She drew Kara to the bed, her hands shoving between Kara's legs, cupping her through her shorts. She wanted her. She couldn't control this wild hunger she had. She had ached with it all day. She wanted her now and her fingers were frantic as they shoved inside her shorts. Her tongue pushed against Kara's and she moaned when she felt her flesh, hot and wet to her touch.
Kara laid back, sensing Ginny's need for her. She unbuttoned her shorts, giving Ginny room and her legs parted for her, ready for her.
Ginny plunged inside of her, deep and hard and Kara surged up to meet her, her hips undulating against Ginny's fingers. Ginny pulled out, sliding through her wetness, moving over her like silk and she stroked her, faster, until she felt Kara still against her hand and cry out, her legs wrapping tight against Ginny's fingers.
Ginny felt perspiration on her brow and she closed her eyes, shocked by her need for this woman. She had never been aggressive in bed before. Phil wouldn't have allowed it. But with Kara, she felt free to express herself, express her desire.
"I wanted you," Ginny whispered.
Kara pulled Ginny into her arms and held her, her lips brushing lightly across her damp forehead.
"You're a very fast learner," Kara murmured. "Sure you haven't done this before?"
"Only in my dreams." Ginny rested her head on Kara's breast while the other made lazy circles across her stomach. "I couldn't stop thinking of you today."
"That makes two of us," Kara said.
"I wasn't sure if you still wanted me," Ginny admitted.
"Why would you think that?"
"I didn't know if last night was just... if all you wanted..."
"Just one night?" Kara supplied.
"I haven't wanted like this in a very long time, Ginny. You scare me, too. This is new for you. You don't know what you want, you don't know what's out there."
"And you do?" Ginny whispered.
"I know I want you, yes. But you..."
"I want you, too. It doesn't matter what's out there, Kara."
Kara watched her, wanting to believe her. But Ginny didn't know how it could be. She had no one to compare Kara with. And what did she want? A summer affair? No. She was too old for that. And her feelings for Ginny went beyond an affair. She was falling in love with her and her eyes widened, shocked by her own admission.
"What are you thinking?"
"Nothing," Kara murmured. "Let me love you," she whispered and she silenced Ginny with her mouth, swallowing her questions.
Ginny's questions died as thought was lost under Kara's insistent mouth. With gentle hands, Kara shoved Ginny's shorts down, her hands moving lightly over her body. Kara shrugged her own shorts off and lay naked on top of Ginny, pressing her into the bed, warming her body with her own. Ginny held her, brushing her hands through Kara's short hair, guiding her mouth to her breast.
Kara covered her full breast, her tongue raking lightly across the taut nipple. Ginny moaned in her ear and Kara closed her eyes, loving the sounds of pleasure coming from Ginny.
Kara drew back and smiled. "Tell me what you want," she whispered.
"Tell me and I'll do it. Anything."
Ginny's hips pressed up, her desire boiling over. "I want your mouth... your tongue... where only you have been." She was so wet and she parted her legs, wrapping them around Kara's thigh, pressing her wetness to her.
Kara kissed her, her tongue brushing lightly across her lips, then she gasped as Ginny sucked her tongue inside her mouth. Her thigh pushed harder against Ginny's wetness, meeting the thrusts of Ginny's hips.
"Please... your mouth," Ginny murmured against Kara's lips. "I want your mouth to take me." She was so near orgasm already but all she wanted was Kara's hot mouth on her, where she had been remembering it all day. Her hips slowed and she urged Kara downward, pushing lightly on her shoulders.
Kara felt the urgency in Ginny's hands, saw the look of pleasure on her face as Kara slid lower along her body. Her hands pushed Ginny's legs apart and her mouth found her, wet and wanting. Ginny pressed up and met her, opening wider and her breath hissed between her teeth.
"Kara... Kara." God, yes. This was what she wanted, what only this woman had ever given her.
Her whispered name was like a drug and Kara nearly devoured her in her desire to please her. Her tongue moved through her wetness, surrounding her. Her mouth opened and she covered Ginny completely, sucking her hungrily into her mouth.
"Dear Lord," Ginny breathed and she clutched at Kara, her heels digging into the bed.
Kara's shoulders pushed into Ginny, driving her legs apart, pushing her farther up the bed with the force of her desire.
"Oh, God!" Ginny screamed. "Kara..." Ginny's heart pounded in her ears and Kara's mouth sucked her in, not letting her go and Ginny was filled with such sweet pleasure. Her body throbbed against Kara's face and she felt as if she were drowning, sinking into blackness, trying to catch her breath. "Yes, yes... God, yes," she breathed, feeling her orgasm build, threatening to swallow her, to end this sweet torture. It came to her slowly, climbing, driving her mad and she pulsed in Kara's mouth, spasms shaking her. Kara's mouth held her, continuing her assault on her as wave after wave rammed into Ginny, causing her to cry out Kara's name again and again.
When her body stilled and her hips lay limply on the bed, only then did Kara's mouth leave her. Ginny could not even open her eyes and she rolled her head from side to side.
"I didn't think it could possibly get any better than last night," she whispered. "But each time..."
"I know." Kara bit her neck gently, then moved to her ear. "I wanted you like that all day," she whispered back.
"I don't think I can move."
Kara leaned up on her elbow, letting her eyes move lovingly over Ginny's face, down to her breasts. She was in love with her. The certainty of that thought filled her heart painfully. Love brought hurt. It always did. She touched Ginny's face gently, her eyes lingering on her full lips. She hadn't been looking for love, of course. The women who had shared her bed since Marsha were simply diversions. Someone to ease a lonely night, someone to talk to for a moment, then gone. No feelings were involved. No commitments, no worries. Just a physical release that they both had needed.
But it was so very different with Ginny. Kara wanted her, sure. But she also needed her. A deep, burning need that touched her very core, causing her to question her very existence. How had she lived this long without Ginny in her life? How could she go on, now that she'd had her?
"What are you thinking about?" Ginny asked gently.
Kara closed her eyes, unaware that Ginny had been watching her. "I was just thinking about you," Kara admitted. "About how you make me feel."
"Then why did you look so sad?"
Why, indeed? Because now that I've had you, I don't think I can live without you. She rested her head against Ginny's breast again, letting Ginny stroke her hair.
"You're not going to tell me?"
"Is it Marsha?" Ginny asked.
"Are you thinking about her?"
"Why would you think that?"
"You loved her once. Are you thinking about that?" Ginny asked again.
"No. That was a long time ago, Ginny."
"Was it... was it good with her?" she asked quietly.
Kara looked up and met her eyes. "It was never like this," she said truthfully. "It's never been like this with anyone."
"I find that hard to believe. It's not like I know what I'm doing," Ginny said, finally breaking the hold her eyes had on her.
"Does that frighten you?" Kara asked. "That you know how to touch me?"
"I'm not sure. I mean, I know I want you... like this. But, is this who I am? What I am? Is it just you or is it..."
"Or can any woman make you feel this way?" Kara asked. She closed her eyes against the pain that she was feeling. Always pain when you loved a woman.
"I don't think so," Ginny said softly. "If any woman could make me feel this way, I wouldn't have waited for you."
"But you won't know until you've tried it," Kara said.
"I don't think I want to... try it, Kara." In fact, she knew she didn't. No one could ever make her feel what Kara did. She knew in her heart that it was the truth. But she couldn't say the words. Kara would never believe her, anyway. Kara had experience. She'd been with other women, and Ginny was jealous of each of them. Had Kara loved them this way, too? Had they wanted her so deeply that nothing else mattered?
Kara raised up and kissed her softly. She'd had enough talking. "Can you stay the night with me? Please? I would love to wake up with you," Kara murmured against her lips.
"Yes, but I'm not ready for sleep," she whispered.