Chapter eighteen

On days like today, Jill was happy to have an assistant. Work she normally did herself, work she could do in her sleep, was but a jumbled mess. She couldn't concentrate on anything, much less numbers. So, she lied. On the pretense of working on their new radio ad, she shoved the week's receivables off on Harriet. The initial guilt she felt disappeared quickly as Harriet's eyes brightened at the prospect of doing something other than the mundane chores of an office assistant.

So, with her door closed, Jill pulled up the radio ad, not bothering to read through the thirty-second spot. It was just scrambled words on the page, much like the numbers had been.

She couldn't get her mind focused on anything.

Anything but Carrie, that is.

And she had no idea what she was going to do. She didn't know what to do with Craig, her marriage, and she certainly didn't know what to do about Carrie, about her feelings for the other woman.

She spun her chair around, staring out the window, watching the light rain splatter against the glass. Last night, after Craig's halfhearted attempt to make love was met with resistance, he'd wanted to talk about it. It had finally dawned on him that it had been months since they'd touched. She couldn't deal with his questions and she almost gave in and had sex with him, but in the end, she couldn't.

" Are you going to tell me what's going on or what? "

" There's nothing going on, Craig."

" So if it's not another man, what? You just all of a sudden decided you don't want to have sex with me? "

She got out of bed and paced slowly across the room. " Not all of a sudden, " she said. " You're hardly ever home, Craig. And when you are home, you're on your cell." She held her hands out and shrugged. " It's like I'm invisible."

" What are you talking about? You're not invisible."

" I feel invisible. I do your laundry, I cook your meals, I keep your house. Same with Angie. I feel like your maid service."

" Oh, now you're talking crazy. I don't treat you like my maid. But babe, coaching takes a lot of time. You know that."

" Yes, I know that, Craig. But I feel like we're nearly strangers. So forgive me if I don't get all excited about having sex with you."

She sighed. His answer to that was to childishly stomp into the spare room to sleep, leaving her alone for the rest of the night, alone with her thoughts. And she finally went to sleep after coming to the conclusion that she would not see Carrie anymore. She didn't think her marriage could survive it if she did.

But in the light of day, when she woke up alone, the only thing on her mind was Carrie. Not her marriage, not her husband. Just Carrie and the brief kiss they'd shared.

And now, as she watched the rain, she had no earthly idea what she was going to do.

At ten minutes to one, as she paced nervously back and forth in the office—still trying to decide if she was going to see Carrie or not, and if she did, wondering what in the world she was going to say to her—her cell rang. She actually trembled when she saw the name displayed and she held the phone to her chest for a few seconds before answering.

Quiet breathing was all she heard, then a subtle clearing of the throat.

" Please come to lunch."

As she gripped the phone tightly, eyes squeezed shut, she nodded. " Yes, " she said quietly.

" I'm sorry, Jill. I don't know what else to say."

It was Jill's turn to pause and she opened her eyes, feeling comforted for the first time that day by the quiet rain that fell. " It's raining, " she murmured.

" Yes."

" Do you think I bring the rain? " Jill closed her eyes again. She could picture Carrie's face, could see the smile that tugged at her lips.

" I love the rain, Jill."

Jill nodded. " I'll see you in a bit."

And a few minutes later, when she saw Harriet pull into her parking space, Jill sprinted out the door with only a wave in Harriet's direction. She didn't think about what was going to happen at lunch, she didn't think about what they were going to say to one another. It didn't matter. She only knew she had to see Carrie, had to be with her. The pull was too strong.

But that didn't stop the nervousness she felt as she stood out in the rain, hesitating before going to the door. As she walked around the back, she saw her, standing in the sunroom, the door to the cottage open, inviting. Their eyes collided, the glass windows doing nothing to curb the intensity of their glance.

She finally brushed at the water droplets running down her face and realized she was getting soaked. She moved, walking to the door, pausing again before opening it.

Carrie stayed where she was, her eyes never leaving Jill's.

" I'm sorry, " she said. " I never—"

" Please don't say you're sorry again, " Jill said. She walked closer then stopped. She looked away for a moment, then back to Carrie. " When... when's the last time you slept with your husband? " she asked quietly.

Carrie looked startled by the question.

" When? " Jill whispered.

" It's been a long time."

" When? " Jill asked again.

" Probably... I don't know, December maybe. Before Christmas."

Jill closed her eyes, nodding. " I've... I've not had sex with Craig since I met you." She opened her eyes again, finding Carrie there.

" Why do you think that is? " Carrie asked.

" We know why. Don't we? "

Carrie nodded. " Yes, we know."

" But Carrie, I'm not—"

" I know."

" Then why do I want you to kiss me again? I mean, I know all of the reasons why we shouldn't. That doesn't change anything though, does it? I still want you to kiss me."

Carrie hesitated then smiled. " You're soaking wet. Let me get you a towel."

Jill grabbed her arm as Carrie turned. " You want to just avoid it? You kiss me then you want to pretend it didn't happen? "

" I can't pretend it didn't happen, Jill. I've thought of little else since then. But if I don't leave and do something—like get you a towel—then I'm going to kiss you again. And then we will definitely have a problem."

It was an out. Jill could let her go, could let her escape into the cottage. They could avoid the subject, they could even have lunch. But Jill's grip tightened on Carrie's arm. She didn't want to let her go.

" Kiss me again, " she whispered.

But Carrie shook her head. " No. No, I won't be the one." She stepped away, arms at her sides.

" I want... I want you to kiss me, " Jill said again.

Carrie tilted her head, her eyes looking into Jill's very soul. " Then come kiss me, " she whispered.

It was a command Jill couldn't resist. She took a step closer, feeling the electricity in the room, seeing the anticipation in Carrie's eyes. She was surprised at the pulse that beat rapidly at Carrie's throat, surprised at the difficulty she had breathing, surprised at the need she had to kiss Carrie.

She felt Carrie tremble as she slid her hands up Carrie's arms. Then her own hand shook as she reached up, her fingers lightly touching Carrie's face. She dropped her gaze from Carrie's eyes to her lips, watching in fascination as they parted, watching as Carrie's tongue came out to wet them. The tightening in her chest and the breath she couldn't take told her all she needed to know. She would surely die if she didn't kiss her.

But in the end, it was Carrie who closed the space between them, Carrie whose lips claimed hers with such urgency, such passion, that Jill felt her knees quake from it all.

Her eyes slammed shut as she moaned, her mouth opening as she clutched Carrie's shoulders. The tongue that shyly, slowly met hers drove out all rational thought. She felt Carrie's arms slip around her, let herself be pulled flush into her embrace. A feeling like none she'd never experienced before took hold of her and she let it have full rein. There was to be no denying it.

That's why—when Carrie stepped away, when they stood there both breathing heavily, when Carrie tugged on her hand and led her into the cottage—she didn't try to stop, she didn't try to pull away.

Because there was no denying it.

She stood there silently, the drapes causing shadows to dance upon the bed. There was no hesitation, no apprehension... there was only nervousness she couldn't quell. But when Carrie unbuttoned her blouse, exposing her lacy bra... when Jill saw those blue eyes darken with desire, even the nervousness left her. She let her blouse fall to the floor, unconcerned with its fate. The wool slacks she'd donned that morning slid smoothly down her legs. But when Carrie's hands reached for her bra, Jill stopped them.

" Take it off, " Jill whispered, tugging at the bulky sweater Carrie wore. Her breath caught as Carrie pulled the sweater over her head. She wore no bra. Her breasts were small, her nipples hardening quickly as Jill stared. She finally raised her eyes to Carrie. " We're going to make love."

Carrie nodded. " Yes, we're going to make love."

Her hands were sure as she reached out to touch Carrie. The skin was soft under her fingers, soft and smooth, and she realized she had dreamed of this moment since the day she'd first looked into Carrie's eyes.

She wasn't afraid when Carrie guided her to the bed, wasn't afraid when she pulled Carrie to her. Instinctively, her hands moved across skin, knowing where to touch, how to touch.

But when Carrie's hands spread her thighs, when Carrie settled between her legs, Jill wasn't prepared for the way her body reacted to her touch. Her hips rose, melding with Carrie's, and she felt a flood of wetness soak her. Then Carrie's mouth was there, silencing her moan, taking the breath from her. But then that mouth pulled away, moving lower.

Jill shuddered when soft lips covered her breast, when a warm tongue raked across her nipple. Her body pulsed, moving wildly against Carrie's. She ran her fingers through Carrie's short hair, holding her tightly against her breast. Then a hand moved between their bodies and she felt Carrie shift, felt that hand slide over her hip.

She wasn't certain what she expected to feel when Carrie touched her, but the jolt of desire that pierced her soul was not it. Fingers slipped into her wetness and she cried out, her head tilted back, eyes slammed shut as Carrie entered her. Her hips jerked, taking Carrie inside, moving with each stroke of her fingers.

Then she felt Carrie move, felt Carrie's wetness as Carrie straddled her thigh. Blindly, she reached her hand out, wanting to touch Carrie, wanting to feel her. But the instant her hand moved between their bodies, the instant her fingers felt Carrie's wetness as Carrie slammed down on them, the instant she touched Carrie, she climaxed with such wild abandon her throat ached from the scream she tried to contain. Her body nearly convulsed as she came but she was coherent enough to feel Carrie's orgasm, coherent enough to feel her fingers enveloped by Carrie's wetness, coherent enough to hear her name leave Carrie's lips as she came.

Coherent enough to know what they'd just done.