CHAPTER SIX. Nicole sat cross-legged on the boulder, staring toward the east as the sun finally showed itself, peeking above the mountains

Nicole sat cross-legged on the boulder, staring toward the east as the sun finally showed itself, peeking above the mountains, chasing the shadows from the canyon and engulfing her in light. Her eyes widened as she took it all in. She hadn't realized how much she'd missed this, the simple pleasure of a sunrise on a clear morning in the Rockies. Amazing, but for the brief moments that it took for the sun to scale the highest peak, Nicole's mind had ceased its tumultuous churning and racing and simply stopped to enjoy the show.

Yes, this trip would be good for her. She'd ended her last session with the group only three days ago, holding over Sara and Lee Ann for future visits. The others she set up with support groups if they felt the need, but the last session told her that they'd accepted what had happened to them and were ready to move on. After ten weeks together, meeting three times a week and sharing the most intimate details of their lives, most of them had formed the bond necessary to be each other's support. Nicole knew that was one of the best benefits of doing group sessions. It produced long-lasting friendships that would endure long after their therapy ended.

But she didn't come up here to hash over her practice. She stood and brushed off her jeans, then went about the task of taking her tent down. The morning wasn't exceptionally cold, so she would forego coffee and a hot meal and make do with a breakfast bar instead. She was anxious to get on the trail and put as many miles between her and her life as possible.

She rolled her eyes. God, if Dorothy could hear her thoughts, she'd set her up for a counseling session in a minute. And it wasn't like she was really running from her life. In fact, she had a good life, a successful practice at a relatively young age, and she was well respected by her colleagues. She paused, looking up thoughtfully. Was thirty-six considered young? She shrugged. Young enough, and it didn't really matter. The point was, she had a good life.

Then why did it feel so... empty? She refused to even consider that being single contributed to her feelings. Lots of people were single. Not everyone had to have constant companionship to feel complete. She, of all people, should know that. But still, some-times, she wished there was someone to confide in, share things with, be with.

And therein lay the problem. It had been so long since she'd been intimate with someone, she was afraid it had become a habit she couldn't break. Maybe she needed to take Catherine's advice and just let her hair down and... and what? Anonymous sex? Jesus, the very thing she preached against in her sessions! Besides, that just wasn't her. She was too... too conservative for that. She'd like to say that she was from the old school and wanted to have some sort of commitment before entering into a sexual relationship, but that wasn't really it.

" Hell, I'm shy, okay, " she said out loud. Jesus, now I'm talking to myself.

Shy and... embarrassed. It was silly, and she knew it was silly but she still saw herself as the fat teenager with thick glasses nobody wanted to go out with, much less see naked! She'd poured herself into books instead of friends and graduated valedictorian, much to the dismay of Crissy Piper, who had wanted to add that to her long list of accomplishments, as if class president and head cheerleader weren't enough.

Nicole pulled the heavy backpack onto her shoulders and adjusted the straps, recalling their fifteen-year class reunion. She didn't know what possessed her to go, but she was awfully glad she had. There wasn't a single member of her high school class she'd kept in touch with, but her mother received the invitation and urged Nicole to go. Nicole knew it was mostly her mother wanting to show her off. The fat teenager had grown up. Nicole wasn't sure if her mother was more proud of the fact that she had " doctor" preceding her name or that she'd turned into a fitness freak with a toned body. Regardless, both caused quite a stir. That and the fact that Nicole now sported a chic blond hairstyle instead of the mousy brown ponytail of her childhood. She had seen the envious looks from her classmates and the appraising eyes of most of their husbands. Yes, she was awfully glad she'd gone. Especially when Crissy Piper showed up, looking every bit the married housewife and mother of three that she was.

As Nicole walked along the trail, she wondered why she was taking a trip down memory lane. It wasn't like those people were a part of her life. But the therapist in her knew that those years had shaped her life and because of them, she was who she was today. Corny, but true. Had she not been a fat teenager with glasses who got teased mercilessly, she may have been a cheer-leader dating the quarterback and stayed in Grand Junction and gotten married instead of going to college. Well, that probably wouldn't have happened. She knew even back then that she was gay. She just didn't do anything about it. In fact, she didn't do anything about it until... God, was I really twenty-four?

" Suzette, " she murmured dryly. They had been in medical school together. And to this day she's convinced it was her encounter with Suzette that caused her to abandon medical school and settle on psychology instead of psychiatry. Her world had been turned upside down, and she simply couldn't handle that and med school at the same time.

Again she rolled her eyes. Dorothy could have fun with her thoughts today. She might even make a case study. But she knew it wasn't really Suzette's fault. It was just a good excuse at the time. The reality was, she didn't want to be a physician. She wanted to be out helping people, counseling them. Not studying medicine.

Nicole stopped suddenly and looked around. She'd been hiking for over an hour and had been so lost in her thoughts that she had no idea where she was. Thankfully, she was at least still on the trail. Loosening the straps on her pack, she let it slide to the ground as she rested on a boulder the size of a small car. Unfolding the map, she spread it out across her thighs and tried to determine where she was. She hadn't started the switchbacks yet to climb to Cottonwood Pass. Moving her finger along the map, she found a small stream she would cross before climbing higher, and she was fairly certain she'd not crossed a stream. Surely she'd not been that out of it. After a quick drink of water, she again shouldered her pack and walked off, this time making a point to acknowledge her surroundings instead of getting lost inside her own mind.