BRIDGET. [Reading card] ‘For lovely Annie from H.’

Oh!

[Reading card] ‘For lovely Annie from H.’

ANNIE

For beautiful Bridget from H.

Who’s H?

BRIDGET

Oh, it must be Howard!

Oh, what is it!

ANNIE

Oh, Bridget!

Look, it’s Carina’s dress!

But how did he guess?!

BRIDGET

Oh, he’s a clever man!

Anyway, it’s not Carina’s dress now, it’s Bridget’s dress!

Oh, thank you Howard!

ANNIE

Oh Bridget, isn’t your boss kind!

But, why did he buy me one?

BRIDGET

Oh, I’ve told him all about you!

BRIDGET [composing email]

BRIDGET

Me, dinner, tonight!

‘He wants to talk to me about a new job.

I’m so excited.’

BRIDGET

He’s so clever and he wants to see me!

‘He even sent me a dress! ’

BRIDGET

Thank you Howard! Ah!

NICK [composing email]

HECTOR

The octopus!

NICK

Ugh!

‘Anyway - Hector and I will prepare and serve a good dinner this evening.’

NICK

We will help you get your promotion.

Sound of eggs being beaten

BRIDGET

[Clears throat]

NICK

Wow!

BRIDGET

OK, Nick?!

NICK

Yeah.

Hot.

The soup, hot.

HECTOR

Ah-ah-ah-ah.

The soup is hot.

NICK

Thank you Hector.

Sound of knocking on door

BRIDGET

He’s here.

Good evening Howard.

HOWARD

Ah Bridget, my princess!

BRIDGET

Please come in.

HOWARD

Bridget, you look divine.

Oh, this must be An-nie.

Are you sisters?

Such beauty!

Laughter

HOWARD

The dresses are exquisite!

ANNIE

Oh …

BRIDGET and ANNIE

… Thank you.

BRIDGET

Thank you.

HOWARD

Don’t thank me, it’s a privilege!

ANNIE

Oh and this of course is Nick.

NICK

Hi.

BRIDGET

And this is Hector.

He’s from Argentina.

HECTOR

Hello.

HOWARD

Argentina.

Do you have a cow?

HECTOR

Two million!

HOWARD

What?

HECTOR

My parents own two million cows.

BRIDGET

Ah yes, thank you Hector.

Hector’s English is a little …

HOWARD

Weird!

Never mind, ‘Ector.

HOWARD

So Bridget [ooh] what a beautiful apartment, for a beautiful lady.

Banging noise

HECTOR

Dinner is served!

NICK

Hector, go on!

HECTOR

Today, we have sick pea soup.

HOWARD

Mmm, sick pea soup, my favourite!

BRIDGET

Chick pea, chick pea!

HECTOR

[Erm] Chick pea soup.

HOWARD

[Laughing]

This guy is great!

Where did you find him?!

Sick pea soup! [Laughs]

HECTOR

Main course.

Teeth casserole.

HOWARD

Teeth casserole?

BRIDGET

Beef, beef.

HECTOR

Oh sorry, beef casserole!

HOWARD

I bet the beef is as hard as teeth!

[Laughs]

A dinner with bite!

Oh! Sorry, Nick!

So Bridget, you would like a better job?

BRIDGET

Well Howard, I, I …

HOWARD

Are you willing to work harder, hah?

HOWARD

You stupid idiot!

HECTOR

Sorry, erm …!

HOWARD

And Bridget, with your good looks …

NICK

What a creep!

HOWARD

Ay! It’s cold!

‘Ector!

I want hot coffee!

HECTOR

He wants hot coffee.

NICK

Then he will have hot coffee!

HOWARD

So – by the age of twenty [snoring noise] I had fifty people working for me.