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Laughter
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NICK
A] Their suntans? Yeah, OK. B] Their bikinis? Oh cor, yeah! C] Their …
ANNIE
Ironing skills?
NICK
Where do you meet girls on holiday?
A] On the beach? B] In the bar? C] On the ski slope?
Hah, on the beach, yeah, I meet lots of lovely girls on the beach, cor!
ASSORTED VOICES IN BACKGROUND
… Nick, Nick, Nick …
ANNIE
… Nick, Nick, Ni-ck …
NICK
Bah! Ah!
ANNIE
Nick, I am fed up!
I need a holiday!
We all need a holiday!
NICK
Yeah, I know what you mean!
I’m exhausted!
[Sound of Nick blowing his nose]
HECTOR [Presenting TV Travel Programme]
So – it is holiday time again and everyone is off to the airport.
NICK
Agh!
ANNIE
Oh, hello Hector.
HECTOR
They are travelling to Florida, Thailand, Egypt – and Belgium? Are you sure?!
And Belgium.
Travelling by plane, by train, and by car.
Well, maybe not by car!
This is Hector Romero, for Channel 9.
ANNIE
Oh!
Ooops! Ooh! Bridget will be furious!
NICK
[Laughing]
ANNIE
Still, maybe a new fashion!
BRIDGET
Yeah! Yes! Can he do the interview on Thursday?
No, well what about Friday? [Sound of telephone ringing] Oh, hang on.
Hello – she wants 22 dressing rooms?! Four for Lourdes and her nannies! But we’ve only got two!
Hello?
Oh, for goodness sake!
Huh! Who wants Madonna anyway?!
Hello, are you still there? [Sound of telephone ringing]
Hello, what?!
Oh, hello Eunice.
Yes, David Beckham is booked and so is Princess Caroline of Monaco. No, Madonna is not coming.
Yes, OK, Eunice, I will – ah-ah, I will, today. Bye Eunice.
What did your last slave die of?!
What I need, what I really need is a holiday.
Sound of assorted telephones ringing
BRIDGET
Oh-oh.
NICK
Go on, type New York.
ANNIE
Gatwick.
NICK
Number of nights, 3.
ANNIE
3.
OK, let’s see what they can do.
One thousand pounds?!
Oh, but that’s much too expensive – we, we must choose a different destination.
NICK
Yeah, how about Las Vegas, hah!
ANNIE
But that would cost even more, don’t be silly, Nick.
BRIDGET
What?
Is Nick being silly? I don’t believe it!
Oh, I’m so tired!
ANNIE
Oh Hector, I saw your holiday report.
HECTOR
Oh, I have just spent all day watching other people go on holidays.
BRIDGET
Oh, I can’t go on! Eunice is a witch.
She makes me work, work, work.
NICK
Why don’t you leave then?
HECTOR
Yeah.
BRIDGET
What? Leave my job?
I love my job!
NICK
Huh! Women!
ANNIE
What you need – what we all need is a …
NICK
Holiday!
BRIDGET
Mmm, a holiday!
HECTOR
Gre-at idea! Where shall we go?
NICK
Oh, I’d love to go to Las Vegas!
ANNIE
Cape Town!
BRIDGET
I’d like to go anywhere with Enrique Iglesias!
ANNIE
Hey!
What about Spain!
NICK
You speak Spanish!
You can be our guide! Hah!
HECTOR
We-ll …
BRIDGET
Enrique Iglesias speaks Spanish!
NICK
And the girls … Hmm! I can’t wait!
Hey Hector, you can translate my chat up lines!
HECTOR
Well, I’ll try!
NICK
And we can try them out! Ha ha!
HECTOR
Yeah!
ANNIE
Hector! There’s your ironing!
Laughter
ANNIE
Nick!