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Sound of screeching car brakes/footsteps on stairs/door being opened/closed/receding footsteps
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HECTOR, BRIDGET & ANNIE
All you need to travel is your passport, your ticket and your money, Nick.
NICK
Yeah, yeah, very funny!
Laughter
ANNIE
Wow, look at this!
It’s so Spanish!
HECTOR
Yep!
Typical Spanish hospitality.
And this is a typical happy Spanish waitress.
ANNIE
Hello!
Erm, we are from England.
And we would like a drink, please.
HECTOR
Girls, girls, girls, leave it to me.
I must translate for you. [Clears throat]
“Queremos beber algo en este bar tí picamente españ ol! ”
NICK
Hang on.
I’ll talk to the lady.
“Hola soy inglé s. ¿ Me puedes dar la direcció n de tu piso? ”
ANNIE
Oh, she doesn’t look very happy.
BRIDGET
No, she looks a mess!
ANNIE
Perhaps her boyfriend has left her.
NICK
Yeah- because she looks a mess! [Laughs]
BRIDGET
Maybe he didn’t like her hair.
Laughter
WAITRESS
Well actually, he did like my hair and at least mine is natural!
BRIDGET
Ah, she understood!
ANNIE
She’s English!
WAITRESS
How did you guess?!
NICK
So, is this a traditional Spanish bar?
WAITRESS
This - is a traditional – da – English Tea Room.
HECTOR
In Barcelona?
WAITRESS
Ooh, aren’t you clever!
NICK
Leave it to me.
Please CAN WE – HAVE A DRINK?!!
WAITRESS
No!!
BRIDGET
Why not?!
WAITRESS
There are no tables.
BRIDGET
But what about this one?
WAITRESS
No.
ANNIE
Erm, or that one?
WAITRESS
No.
HECTOR
What about this one here?
WAITRESS
It’s reserved.
HECTOR
Never mind, let’s, let’s go.
WAITRESS
But erm, if you’ve reserved the table, you can come in.
ANNIE
Oh.
HECTOR
OK. [Clears throat]
Can we please reserve a table?
WAITRESS
Certainly … erm, oh yes, I, I can just fit you in – that table there.
BRIDGET [Composing email]
So here we are in Spain.
I think I’ve brought enough clothes for all events.
BRIDGET
You never can be sure what event we’ll be asked to go to.
ANNIE [Composing email]
Spain is beautiful.
ANNIE
Wow, look at this! It’s so Spanish!
ANNIE [Composing email]
We thought we’d found a typical Spanish bar.
BRIDGET
She understood!
ANNIE [Composing email]
But it is a typical English tea room.
WAITRESS
Ooh yes, I, I can just fit you in – that table there.
WAITRESS
Right, what would you like to drink?
NICK
Cola, please.
ANNIE
Me too.
BRIDGET
And me.
HECTOR
In Spain, do as the English do.
I will have a nice cup of tea, please.
WAITRESS
Which tea?
HECTOR
Huh?
What have you got?
WAITRESS
We’ve got Darjeeling, Kenyan, English Breakfast, Earl Grey, Lady Grey, Camomile, Peppermint, Jasmine, Imperial, Oolong, Indian, Green and Yellow - tea.
HECTOR
I’ll have a cola please.
WAITRESS
Anything to eat?
NICK
Erm, yes please.
What have you got?