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DBT Interpersonal Effectiveness Skills






Finally, another important set of skills taught in DBT is interpersonal effectiveness (IE) skills. These skills help you interact more effectively. Often, the greatest feelings of joy, misery, disappointment, excitement, and anxiety all occur in the context of interpersonal relationships. And, people with anxiety problems often worry about and have difficulties in their interactions. As a result, they might avoid people or even avoid leaving their homes altogether for fear of encountering others.

Often, interpersonal problems can make anxiety and other emotional problems worse. In the same way, emotional or anxiety problems can make interpersonal problems worse. For example, if you suffer from social anxiety disorder, you likely avoid situations where you need to talk, eat, or do other such activities in front of people. You might also avoid being assertive with others, asking for what you want, or saying no to things people ask you to do. Now, the problem with this is that the more you avoid these types of situations, the harder it is to manage them in the future and the more you miss out on opportunities to learn how to negotiate challenging interpersonal situations.

Basically, the more you avoid, the more you miss out on the chance to learn new skills and overcome interpersonal problems. In addition, even if you have learned these skills before or used them in the past, you might find that you need a refresher in interpersonal skills, because you have been avoiding people for so long that your skills have become weaker, much like a muscle that hasn’t been used for a while. If you were a pilot who hasn’t flown for many years, you would probably want a refresher course on how to fly a plane before you got into the cockpit again (or at least, as frequent flyers, we’d hope you would take some kind of refresher course).

In the end, even if you do your best to stop avoiding interpersonal situations, you might find that you don’t have all of the tools necessary to navigate your relationships, which may make you more likely to avoid again. Now, just as we mentioned when we talked about DBT emotion regulation skills, interpersonal skills can be helpful for people with a variety of difficulties, as well as people in general. Any of us could benefit from sharpening our interpersonal skills and improving the ways in which we interact with others. That’s what IE skills are all about. More specifically, through DBT interpersonal effectiveness skills, you learn how to be assertive by effectively asking for what you want from others, saying no to unwanted requests, balancing your priorities in relationships, and keeping an eye on your goals in relationships (Linehan 1993b).


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