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What are references.






 

References are all the experiences of your life that you've recorded within your nervous system—everything you've ever seen, heard, touched, tasted, or smelled—stored away inside the giant file cabinet of your brain. Some references are picked up consciously, others unconsciously.

Some result from experiences you've had yourself; others consist of information you've heard from others, and all your references, like all human experience, become somewhat distorted, deleted, and generalized as you record them within your nervous system. In fact, you also have references for things that have never happened—anything you've ever imagined in your mind is also stored in your brain as a memory.

Many of these references are organized to support beliefs and, as you learned in Chapter 4, a belief is nothing but a feeling of certainty about what something means. If you believe you are intelligent, it's because you have activated certain references to support that feeling of certainty.

Maybe you've had the experience of successfully tackling mental challenges, such as acing a test or running a business well. All of these reference experiences act as " table legs" to support the idea, or " table-top, " that you are intelligent.

We have enough references within us to back up any idea we want: that we're confident or that we're weak, that we care or that we're selfish. The key is to expand the references that are available within your life.

Consciously seek out experiences that expand your sense of who you are and what you're capable of, as well as organize your references in empowering ways.

 

" The knowledge of the world is only to be acquired in the world, and not in a closet."

LORD CHESTERFIELD

 

Not long ago I heard about a man who found $35, 000 cash in a bag on the street. He instantly sought out and returned it to the owner. Everyone who heard the story wanted to congratulate this man, but he shied away from the media and refused to be filmed. He adamantly[167] insisted that returning the money was the right and only thing he could do. It turned out that this money was the life savings of a sixty-eight-year-old woman, and through his one act he probably saved her financial life, yet he refused to take credit. Why? Clearly the references of his past had helped him to develop a belief that taking credit for doing what obviously was the right thing would be totally inappropriate. He didn't decide to avoid the recognition on a whim; he had a sense of certainty that only his life references could create.

Think of your references, both those you consider to be good and bad, as a giant bolt of fabric woven from your experiences. With the other elements of your Master System—your state, questions, values, and beliefs—you cut a pattern from this fabric that enables you to make decisions about what to do with your life. You have an inexhaustible supply of references that can be designed any way you wish. And each day, you're adding to this supply. One important measure of a person's intelligence is the way in which they use their fabric of references. Do you craft a curtain to hide behind, or do you fashion a magic carpet that will carry you to unequalled heights? Do you consciously dig through your life experience and pull out those memories that empower you most on a consistent basis?

As you learned in Chapter 4, probably one of the most valuable things that references do for us is to provide a feeling of certainty. Without them, we would live our whole lives afraid or in doubt; we wouldn't be able to function. Would it disturb you if this book suddenly levitated, floated away, and came to rest five feet in front of you? The only reason you would feel any fear is that you have no references for this. You'd have no idea how to interpret what it means. Why will a baby reach into a dirty ashtray, pull out a cigarette butt, and chew on it? Isn't it because they don't have any references that tell them this is not good for them? (Of course, some adults still haven't figured this one out!)

Let me ask you again. How do you use your references? Do you consciously interpret them in ways that empower you, in ways that support the achievement of your goals? Or does your brain automatically latch on to individual experiences where you're not supported, and develop beliefs like " Everybody's out to get me, " or " Every time I try anything, I get knocked down, " or " I don't deserve to be loved"?

The way we use our references will determine how we feel, because whether something is good or bad is all based on what you're comparing it to. When a businesswoman checks into a hotel room, whether or not she thinks the room is nice is based on her past references. I guarantee that if you took someone from Eastern Europe and got them a room in the simplest budget motel here in the United States, you would find that they'd be thrilled, thinking that these were top-rate accommodations. Sometimes we lose perspective that good and bad are merely based upon our references.

Date With Destiny is one of my favorite learning environments because I'm able to consistently see how people's references are being used to shape their behavior. As part of an in-depth questionnaire participants fill out before the seminar, they list five experiences that they feel have shaped their entire lives. What they are doing is sharing with me some of their most powerful references, and it amazes me how many different meanings they take from the same references. Some people have been raped, sexually abused, abandoned. Some have come from broken or impoverished homes. Yet some people interpret these experiences in a way that helps them form the belief that their life is not worth living, and others use it to motivate themselves to study, to expand, to grow, to share, to be more sensitive.

It's true that Saddam Hussein was abused as a child, but so was Oprah Winfrey. Here is a woman who was raped and violently mistreated in her youth, yet today she touches millions of lives daily with her television show. Simply by sharing her own experiences, she has helped people to heal some of the wounds from their pasts. Millions of Americans feel close to her because they know she understands; i.e., she has references of pain, just like they do.

 

" We lift ourselves by our thought, we climb upon our vision of ourselves."

ORISON SWETT MARDEN

 

References are not limited to your actual experience. Your imagination itself is a source of references. Remember Roger Bannister and the four-minute mile? No one believed it was physically possible for human beings to run the mile in less than four minutes, yet he created his own sense of certainty through imagined references. He visualized over and over again breaking the four-minute mile, hearing and feeling himself break the barrier until pretty soon he had so many reference legs that he felt certain he would succeed—as certain as other people were that accomplishing this task was impossible.

We need to remember that our imagination is ten times more potent than our willpower. Because Bannister was able to use his imagination as the legs supporting the tabletop of certainty, he was able to produce a result that was unheard of throughout human history. Imagination unleashed provides us a sense of certainty and vision that goes far beyond the limitations of the past.

Recently Mr. Akio Morita sent me his book, Made in Japan. Mr. Morita is the co-founder of Sony Corporation and an unbelievably brilliant man. The destiny of Sony, just like any individual's, is the result of a series of decisions. In his book, Morita discloses that one of the toughest and most important decisions he ever made was to turn down an offer from Bulova Corporation to purchase 100, 000 of his breakthrough transistor radios—at a time when his company was not even moving 10, 000 units a month. The amount of money they offered him was ten times what his company was worth at the time, yet after deep consideration he rejected the deal.

Why? Simply because Bulova wanted to put their own name on the radio. He realized that while in the short term saying yes would give his company a huge jump, he would be building Bulova's name instead of Sony's. The Bulova executives could not believe he would turn down their offer. He told them, " Fifty years from now, my company's name will be as big as yours, and I know that the radio I've created is going to help us develop that name."

Of course, all of Morita's partners thought he was crazy. How was he able to create this sense of certainty that enabled him to turn down such an enticing[168] and profitable offer? He vividly imagined the future of his company, and created references where none existed. He directed his focus and envisioned his goals with clarity, and then backed it up with absolute and active faith. Today, Sony Corporation is not only a leader in the electronics industry, generating $27 billion a year, but has also diversified to industries as far-reaching as film making (acquiring Columbia and Tri-Star Pictures) and music (acquiring CBS Records and Columbia House), and is renowned for its quality around the world.

With faith, you can cling to your vision in the face of seeming failure. What if Thomas Edison had given up after his first failed attempt to make the electric light bulb? Or even after his hundredth attempt? Luckily for all of us, he persisted beyond thousands of attempts. He could have taken each instance as a reference to back up a belief that his invention was not feasible. Instead, he chose to use each failed attempt as a reference for the belief that he was getting closer to the solution. Remember, don't drive into the past using your rear-view mirror as a guide. You want to learn from your past, not live in it—focus on the things that empower you.

 

 


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