The Golden Leech

Genka Bulonov stuck his head out into the corridor and listened. Everything was seemingly quiet. In the next room, the TV was raving on with the occasional squealing of tires and crackling of bursts of an automatic firing. His parents, crossing their hands on their stomachs, were sitting on the sofa and feasting their eyes on today’s events, which would be forgotten in two days. Grandma was washing dishes in the kitchen with the intention of dirtying them again for supper.

The river of stupid daily activities so loved by moronoids carried its stagnant water all the time along the same riverbed...

Nodding with satisfaction, Genka moved a chair to the door so that it could not be opened immediately and took out the bow fragments from under the carpet. It had already gradually become his habit.

He thrust the bow in an empty three-litre jar, pressed an ear to it and...

“In ether the latest magnews. With you is Nagiana Pripyatskaya...” the jar reported. “The main events of this issue. The for-life and posthumous head of Tibidox, the academician Sardanapal Chernomorov has been summoned to report to Magciety of Jerky Magtion. According to rumours, he can be removed from the post in connection with a transfer to the vacant post of Delphic Oracle... The spirit, already holding the whole magic world in anxiety for a week, for the time being doesn’t reveal... The exchange rate of toad warts again rose with respect to the rate of overseas green corns. Experts believe that this is connected with an increase in quotes on echidna slobber, the world output of which is temporarily reduced. And at the conclusion of this issue the long-awaited surprise for all our listeners! The great Gury Puper will give an exclusive interview for our program...”

In the corridor slippers began to shuffle. Bulonov quickly pushed the jar under the bed. Looking into the room, mama threw a cursory glance at the notebooks spread out on the table and called him to supper. Knowing that he could not get out of the regular portion of macaroni with cheese, Genka despondently dragged himself into the kitchen. When he returned, Latest Magnews was already approaching the end.

“I remind you, recently we had as guest Gury Puper, who arrived — you won’t believe this! — on a real rare broom! The champion turned out to be of few words. Well, modesty beautifies true heroes...” Nagiana Pripyatskaya declared with enthusiasm. She made a small pause, obviously searching for the necessary paper, and continued: “Announcement on the rights of advertisement! On Bald Mountain the store of the magician Zina has opened. A wide assortment of magic cauldrons, magic tablecloth, and love potions. From imported goods — flying carpets, Baron von Mü nchhausen’s cannon balls, and exploding Iranian henna. Till October fifth discount on seven-league boots of five bagel holes off one boot. At the same time you will be cheated in weights and measures completely free-of-charge, with increased malevolence! Entrance from the side of Stake Street. She works around the clock, except during new moon. With you was Nagiana, your sweet little witch! Kiss-kiss, my dears! Don’t frolic with red sparks! ”

The jar grunted, jumped, and became silent, clearly declaring a boycott to Genka. Bulonov took out the bow fragments and again safely hid them under the carpet. He already knew that till tomorrow no more magnews would be expected. The sticks would keep silent, no matter how one shook them. And if they were bothered too much, they would hit him with a green flash. This already happened once and now it was useless for Bulonov to tempt fate.

“Well, this Grotter is lucky! She was always a quiet one, sat at a desk in the rear, and now — suddenly! — even in the magic world! She lives there and couldn’t care less! Probably doesn’t even remember me! And what in the world for? ” Genka thought with offence.

He opened the lower drawer of the table and, having taken out an iron box used to keep tea, he unscrewed the top. An outstanding place — mama would never guess to search here! At first the narrow neck unwillingly spat out several soldiers, then a wax figure tumbled to the table.

“Hey, you hear me, Grotter! ” Bulonov started to whisper heatedly. “I also want to be in the magic world! Get me over there, you hear — get me over! I’ll give you several days to think about it, and then... Remember, I’m not joking! I’m reminding you about the cap with the slits! There’s nothing for me to lose! ”

But nevertheless there was something to lose. In the corridor the menacing slippers again began to shuffle. Mama was going around the apartment on evening patrol. Shuddering, Bulonov hurriedly shoved the figure into the jar.

“Gennadii, don’t you dare lock yourself in with a chair! Have you done your homework? And keep your back straight — do you want to become a hunchback? ” An overbearing voice began to thunder.

Beyond the window a shadow flickered. An enormous bird with a plucked pink neck blocked the setting sun. But this lasted altogether only a moment. Then the wide wings with disorderly bristle-like feathers caught the wind and swiftly carried the bird away.

* * *

“Hey, what’s with you? Were you hurt? ” Vanka Valyalkin helped Tanya get up.

The girl grasped him by the sleeve. She was trembling. Cold sweat poured down her face. Only a minute later the torch finally stopped becoming double and mockingly waved a crackling pink tongue at her.

“Why did you fall? What happened? ” Vanka did not leave her alone.

The wretch was so perturbed that he swallowed a whole pickle without noticing and now felt how it efficiently forced its way down somewhere inside him.

“And how do I know? I fell and fell! Only don’t tell anyone or they’ll start laughing at me! ” Tanya snapped.

She was completely unhappy with what had happened. To fall down from the chair for no rhyme or reason was not particularly pleasant. And rolling across the carpet about five times after this, almost sticking the head into the ash pit of the tiled stove, was all the more sufficiently strange.

“It was like you were simply thrown... Somersaulted from the heights. It could not be done without evil eye here. If I were you I would go to Dentistikha and verify. She has these knitting needles, which in a flash can determine whether it was an evil eye or not, ” advised Vanka.

“I don’t want to go to Deni. I have a poor relation with her. I’ll look into it myself... For the time being! ” Tanya picked up the double bass case and set off for her room.

In the room an unpleasant surprise awaited Tanya. Coffinia, left to her own devices and in addition bored to death from thirst of activity, did not waste time. Having fished out from the wardrobe Tanya’s sundress, which Yagge gave her in the beginning of summer, Cryptova stretched it on Page. The skeleton was standing, spreading its arms wide, and mockingly clicking its jaws.

Noticing Tanya, Coffinia turned to her.

“What, Grotter, drag your double bass back after all? Overstrained your navel? See what outstanding rag I found in the wardrobe! And indeed my skeleton’s figure is simply splendid, indeed almost better than yours! ” She insolently stated.

Flaring up with anger, Tanya threw up her hand. She wanted to shout Sparkis frontis, but decided that it would be too much. Moreover in her memory flickered an amusing little spell recently found in the reference book of magic self-defence, which Shurasik gave her to read.

“ Squeezus pullus! ”

A green spark briskly slid to the skeleton. In the next instant Page quickly turned on the stand and imprisoned Coffinia in its bony embraces. In his empty eye sockets dreamy flames lit up. Page clicked its teeth and was thrilled from the knees to the skull. It was visited by a happiness known to all those hopelessly in love, on whom for a short moment success smiled.

“Let me go, idiot! I’m not your skeleton girlfriend! ” Coffinia howled, but Page, dressed in the sundress, was holding firmly. So firmly that Cryptova could not even raise her hand with the ring in order to utter the counter-spell. But then, to tell the truth, she also did not know it...

At first Coffinia swore, then begged, and finally began to threaten:

“You’ll not get away with this, cranky orphan! I’ll complain to Stinktopp. Your Sardanapal can no longer protect you: they have almost chucked him out of here! ”

Coffinia did not consider that Tanya had too much rich experience of association with Pipa to yield to cheap blackmail. She approached the door and hospitably threw it open wide.

“To Stinktopp? Let’s stomp over, complain! I’m simply shaking all over! ”

Coffinia began to jump to the doors.

“Only interesting, what will the entire school talk about tomorrow? ” Tanya continued. “About the sorceress Cryptova jumping along the corridor in the embrace of the skeleton dressed in a woman’s dress! Oh, by the way, here come Dollova and Parroteva! Shall I call them? They’ll sympathize with you! ”

Coffinia got into a flap:

“Ah-ah! Shut the door! If someone sees me — I’ll kill you! ” She was thrown into a flutter, hiding with the skeleton in the wardrobe.

Dollova and Parroteva went solemnly past the door, looking curiously at her. Both were gossipers even rare for Tibidox. To tell them some secret was all the same as making an international declaration on zoomers.

“How are things, girls? How are things, beautiful? Evening stroll of the territory? Hunting for magnews? ” Tanya greeted them.

Dollova and Parroteva looked sideways at her with surprise and, whispering, moved on further.

“What a pity! Eh, Crypt? It seems Verka didn’t adjust her x-ray vision! She again let slip the most interesting thing! ” Tanya was distressed, shutting the door.

The wardrobe began to moan angrily.

“Perhaps I’ll let you go nevertheless! Simply from love of moronoids! But not before you repeat ten times in a row: ‘I’m a petty envier! I pester Tanya Grotter because I envy her — her excellent character, her remarkable figure, and phenomenal charm! ’” Tanya continued.

“Not in my lifetime! ”

“Then good night! Only, if you don’t object, I’ll lock the wardrobe with the key! Your Page chatters its teeth terribly disgustingly! ”

“Ah-ah! You’ll still pay! I’ll take vengeance! ” Coffinia hissed.

Tanya yawned and covered her head with the blanket. The wardrobe swore abominably for about a half hour, and then sorrowfully delivered:

“I’m a petty envier... well you’re out of my sight... I pester Grotter because I cannot stand her... Simply I hate her nightmarish character, crooked figure, and generally all of her from top to bottom! I only have to see her and I simply begin to shake from fury! ”

“Each time you muddle the text, you’ll say it five more times! ” Tanya said, yawning. The wardrobe made no more mistakes.

* * *

The fewer the days left to the match with the Afghan genies, the more intense the training became.

Time after time mastering the bewitched pass, Tanya got so tired that she could hardly keep her place on the double bass. When it came to the instantaneous turn, she carried it out not without fear, involuntarily recalling the Rope.

Outwardly it seemed durable, but in her memory involuntarily floated up the overheard conversation of the house-spirits. How durable will wax threads for seven-league boots turn out to be and will the Rope break directly in flight?

“Try not to break! Please! Dear, dear Rope! Too many people will be pleased if this happens. Uncle Herman, Pipa, Stinktopp, Coffinia, and even, perhaps, Plague-del-Cake, if she miraculously succeeded in surviving...” she persuaded the Rope.

Not wanting the house-spirits to continue considering her thankless, Tanya begged from Vanka a piece of the magic tablecloth, wrapped up in it four pairs of small gloves sent from the store of the magician Zina according to her order, and deposited the bundle at the door of their workshop. It was possible to even write a note, but Tanya did not do this, convinced that the masters themselves would figure out whom they were from.

And, apparently, the house-spirits managed rather well with this repair, because the double bass for no rhyme or reason began to fly so fast that even her ring hesitated wonder-struck.

On Thursday evening Tanya lingered on the dragonball field in order to look in on Goyaryn in the hangar. The hungry dragon was not in spirit. Stretching out its neck, it was lying on the fireproof bedding and looked at her gloomily. From time to time Goyaryn sighed deeply, and then from its nostrils escaped white smoke. Tanya did not even know precisely whether Goyaryn recognized her or not.

The girl stood at the entrance for a while and left, not wanting to be seen by the dragon handlers. She knew that those would immediately tattle to Slander, and indeed nothing good could be expected from that one. Now, when Stinktopp and Koshchei the Deathless were running everything, the rumour was that the stern dean of Tibidox, always gravitating towards black magic, was getting on excellently with this sweet pair, which Bab-Yagun just called “our nasties.”

While Tanya was in the hangar, they had already stretched the magic dome above the dragonball field. Genies were rushing about quickly inside the dome, levelling out sand with rakes. Now, whether you want it or not, it was necessary to go around the field along the stands, slip through between the spectator benches.

Catching them with the double bass case, the girl began to get up when suddenly something burnt her thigh. Crying out, she seized her pocket, convinced that something there had caught fire, — and near her feet, bustlingly revolving, exactly like the pointer of a compass escaped from the psychiatric hospital, something luminous fell out.

The Golden Leech! For several days it was lying quietly in her pocket and was happily forgotten, but now suddenly it saw fit to come alive. The Leech twisted and turned. It writhed like an earthworm crawling out onto the asphalt, hurrying again to be on its way.

However, this did not continue for long. Unexpectedly, the Leech raised its flat head with suckers and crawled in a business-like manner. Glowing weakly in the dark, it went around the magic dome. Finding itself on a footpath leading into the forest, the Leech bent into a ring, stuck to its tail, and rolled forward in a manner, which would force any specialist in leeches to eat his diploma following the doctoral dissertation.

However, Tanya had neither. Absolutely nothing threatened her stomach. She jumped onto the double bass, uttered Hastenus plodus and, trying not to accelerate too much, flew behind.

The Leech, behind which she was hurrying, either was quite dim, merging with the path, or mockingly flared up like the yellow eye of a light signal in the night. Then Tanya waved the bow and overtook it. It was difficult to fly. Wind-fallen wood piled up along the way. Branches invisible in the gloom tried to take down her head. It would be considerably safer to rise above the forest, but then Tanya would for sure lose the gold point dodging in the thicket. It was necessary to take a risk.

When to the smell of conifers was added a moist ocean breeze reeking of fish and cockleshells, the Leech acted strangely. Now it was dodging as if what it was searching for was located somewhere straight ahead and the Leech was trying to understand where precisely. Suddenly, in front, from the most unexpected direction, again arose the rock tortoise of Tibidox. Hardly seeing the signal lights on the Big Tower and the enclosed outline of the walls, Tanya understood where they were heading, and she immediately wanted to return.

The Leech turned around by the ruins of the gatehouse and quickly began to crawl into the first crack.

Tanya leaped off the double bass:

“I’m not going there! What am I, a mental case? There were no psychos in my family! ” She said, turning to no one in particular.

The hereditary ring of the Grotters coughed with doubt. Meanwhile the excited great-granddaughter circled around by the gatehouse and again said with conviction:

“No, no, and no! These jokes won’t fly with me! My legs will not go there! ” Clumsily she climbed through the window.

In the stove the magic flame crackled. In the crack under the flaking plaster a dazzling radiance shone through. It was terrible to imagine what would happen if the door was opened.

Tanya carefully approached. In the iron door there was a narrow opening resembling a hole for the key. Something flashed in the hole. The plump tail of the Golden Leech speedily squeezed through inside.

Involuntarily moving away from the heat beating from that side, Tanya deciphered obliterated letters on the door. Earlier they were almost imperceptible, but now, when the metal was red hot, they appeared one after another.

Heaven trembles from tempestuous lightning —

Into the wall’s thickness miracles will not go hiding.

No one will trick the glass of gloom —

A faceless evil will show in doom.

The old stove is hotly ablaze —

And into the crack crawls the Leech in haste.

Tanya’s heart almost stopped. For a moment she shut her eyes tight, gathering courage in order to read further, but the letters were already fading. Many could not be made out.

The villainous networks are set up so clever

…… will collide…

and … … …...

The curse of ancient graves will chance.

And … to the head of dark forces will advance.

Only he who will forget the pain will conquer —

Will dare to step into … …...

Tanya’s normal composure finally returned.

“There’s something about all this I don’t like. It smells a little like the recurrent rhythmic prophecy of The Ancient One. But recurrent prophecy — recurrent troubles, ” she said anxiously.

Baby Grotter took out a common ball-point pen — a better, in her mind, invention of moronoids, which was much more convenient than a magic goose feather — and patiently copied the prophecy onto her palm.

The next morning she set off for magic station, asked Yagge for the little book Tricks of White Magicians in Hugo the Sly’s Retelling and knocked with a bent finger on the portrait on the cover.

“Just a minute! I’m not quite dressed! ” Someone declared. Almost immediately on the portrait appeared the shining bald spot of Hugo, on which he hastily stretched the powdered wig.

“Listen... When you said that you weren’t dressed, you had in mind a wig? ” Tanya was interested.

“Of course. If I had in mind something different, I would express otherwise. For example: ‘Pardon, mademoiselle! I’m in a negligee! Would it bother you to visit me later? ’” Hugo confirmed with courteous politeness.

Tanya hesitated.

“Why indeed ask for pardon here? You’re always in a negligee. Better say that you’re thinking about this here? ” She said and showed her palm.

“Well, well! Let’s have a look! What handwriting you have, you simply write like chicken scratches! ” Hugo screwed up his face.

For a time he read in concentration, and then anxiously asked:

“Where did you get this from? I hope, you didn’t write it yourself? ”

“No. It was on the door of the stove in the gatehouse of The Ancient One.”

Hugo the Sly began to nod.

“Oh! This completely changes the matter. Yes, no one argues: The Ancient One was the greatest magician and the wisest prophet. I don’t remember a case that he made mistakes. However, between us, I would express his prophetic thoughts in prose. The wretch thoroughly lacks poetic gift. He’s m-de... — what’s called, tone-deaf! ” Hugo said.

“But you’re not? ” Tanya was offended for The Ancient One.

Hugo puffed up.

“What? You insult me with your absurd suspicions! Remember for a long time: I’m talented, inventive, crafty — and all in one bottle! In a very beautiful bottle. Here, in this! ” He said, striking himself on the chest.

“Wonderful. And are you clever? ” Tanya was interested.

“Why, of course! Even with the advances of genius, ” Hugo modestly specified.

“I respect geniuses! So few are left to us! And so, restore the prophecy to its whole. Decipher the missing words, ” said Tanya.

Hugo the Sly sighed. It was evident that he was unwilling to be strained, but, on the other hand, he was pinned down. After a short battle between laziness and megalomania the mania gained the upper hand.

“Okay, ” muttered Hugo. “I hope this will be simple. Visit me in a few days. Only bear in mind: prophecies of The Ancient One are assigned an unpleasant special feature: they come true. Especially deciphered. Are you ready for this? Suddenly there turns out to be something, which we fear even to guess? ”

“It’s worth taking a risk. And then, better to know what to fear than to run blindly, ” objected Tanya.

“Obviously for you. I’m already a spectre, but here you... Okay, if you’re ready, let’s see the hand here! ” The white magician decisively stated.

Tanya stretched out her palm, and Hugo blew on it. The revived letters began to jump fussily, but quickly understood what was wanted of them and as a chain they flew over behind the frame of the portrait. Here Hugo caught them and thoroughly stuck them onto the last page of the book in the order as they were on the palm.

“Well now, yet one chapter begins! ” He said with satisfaction.