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Chief referee of the match b.m. Koshchei the Deathless.






Vanka Valyalkin examined the poster for a long time, then asked:

“B.m. — is it what I think? Correct me if I’m wrong.”

“B.m. — it’s black magician, ” wincing as from a toothache, Bab-Yagun said.

“So, I thought incorrectly, ” acknowledged Vanka.

Someone began to yell sorrowfully. It turned out Shurasik had dropped one of his notebooks into a puddle of glue and was tearing it off until he found himself stretched out on the floor.

“Ah, just help me please! Please free me! ” He screamed indignantly.

“Super-magic glue — nice joke! It was not created so that it would be possible to rip everything without effort. It would even be offensive... Yes, you got into a real mess! Not excluding that you have to spend several weeks here, ” having looked Shurasik over in a business-like manner, Bab-Yagun said.

“NO-O-O-O! And what about lessons? How will I study? ” Shurasik began to yell.

“We’ll bring you food. Tea. Sugar. Necessities. Besides — from here is an excellent view of the corridor and the nest with bats. Imagine what outstanding report can be written! ‘Bats after four weeks of constant observation! ’” Yagun comforted him.

Shurasik issued a really quite unbearable howl. He jerked himself free and, after leaving in the puddle of glue a substantial part of his jacket and essentially important detail of his pants, he rushed off.

“Well now. Sometimes the description of the treatment helps more than the treatment itself. So, in any case, my granny claims, ” rubbing his hands, Yagun said.

Along the corridor, her heels rapping briskly, Medusa Gorgonova decisively walked past. Her cheeks were blazing, and the copper-red hair stirred threateningly. Likely, she was keeping her anger under control with difficulty. Behind her Koshchei the Deathless was mincing with a sweet little smile on his entire skull. From time to time he leaned over and, giggling, started to whisper something.

“Did you see that? What’s with them? ” Vanka asked in amazement, when Gorgonova and the representative of Magciety were hidden behind the turn.

“If this character doesn’t leave Medusa alone, I don’t envy him. I’ve never seen Gorgonova in such a rage before! ” Tanya said.

“Uh-huh! Now she’ll take off without a vacuum! ” Vanka agreed.

The children were not mistaken. Medusa and Koshchei, dangling near her, had barely turned to the stairs when Tibidox shuddered. Somewhere nearby flared up dual green sparks, and then almost without pause — dual red. Rumbling with his armour, Koshchei ran past them, evil like a swamp bogey. His raincoat was smoking, and his entire skull was in soot.

Yagun did not have time to hide his smile. Noticing it, Koshchei the Deathless stopped and for a long time shook before his nose a hand in an iron glove. He was so enraged that he was stuttering.

“W-want to b-beat the genies? I’ll b-beat y-you! I’ll show you dragonball! ” He finally spat out angrily.

 

* * *

 

The last training sessions before a match were the most intense. Nightingale O. Robber released en masse into the field a half-dozen young dragons — sons of Goyaryn, the swiftest among them — and forced the players to throw balls into their mouths. It was impossible to follow at once all the dragons rushing like silvery lightning inside the dome. While a player was spinning his head, pondering how to dodge a dragon diving from above, three more flew from behind or from below.

It happened continually that the young dragons pulled someone off a vacuum and, hurrying to divide the booty, pulled with concentration in different directions. They barely turned any attention to the howls of the player and the frightening-off sparks. Damien Goryanov was especially often in the role of such a mouse. However, Bab-Yagun, Coffinia, and even Seven-Stump-Holes, fell into it intermittently.

From the trainer’s bench Nightingale O. Robber imperturbably watched what was taking place. His bland face did not change, even when someone dived like a swallow with his nose into the sand. He only snapped his fingers, calling up dragon handlers with stretchers and smelling salt.

“Is it really possible to drive the team so? It’s not possible to survive this way till the match! ” The burnt Zhora Zhikin complained, and Kuzya Tuzikov sadly looked over his broom covered with soot.

“These are still playthings! You’d think his, the dandy’s, ear, had been singed! I’ll watch how you begin to sing at the match with the genies! ” Nightingale invariably answered and again banished the team to the field, where the very young dragons flashed by with the speed of piranhas.

The Afghan genies arrived flying a day before the match. They — stern, bearded, in turbans and robes on which strips first appeared, then disappeared — approached in an extended formation. The genies sat solemnly on small copper pitchers with jet streams gushing out of them, with such seriousness that the fans and players of Tibidox somehow immediately became uneasy.

But then the dragon of the Afghan genies evoked from everybody only smiles. It was flabby, with a short bloated neck and pitiful little wings. It flew terribly clumsily, turned with difficulty and, approaching, almost knocked itself out on the wall of Tibidox.

“But did you see this lump? It’s not a dragon but an overgrown chicken! I’ll catch it by the tail and feed it balls with a spoon. For me it’ll swallow everything like a dear! ” Coffinia Cryptova snorted.

Bab-Yagun also expressed himself in the same spirit; however, Tanya decided not to jump to any conclusions for the time being.

“It can’t be all that simple here. If the dragon of the genies was so useless indeed, they would not become world champion so many times! ” She thought.

Greeting the guests, the cupids flashed by with flower garlands above the Tibidox walls. To avoid misunderstanding and uncontrollable amorous epidemics, Professor Stinktopp ordered them to take all the arrows out of their quivers beforehand.

Koshchei the Deathless stomped on the instructors’ balcony and shot at Medusa ardent glances of a womanizer slightly covered by mustiness. His stylish armour from Paco Grabanne glistened like silver in the sun, the breastplate riveted on it showed off a new motto: “Come back, I’ll forgive everything! ” But, in spite of the firm intention to forget everything and to begin everything anew, Koshchei did not dare to approach Medusa.

Slander Slanderych hurriedly looked over the seven rolls with speeches in order not to flounder at a critical moment.

The genie Abdullah was coiled as a dove-coloured smoky stream above the dean’s shoulder and was secretly preparing a salutatory poem in seven hundred verses. His warts impatiently crawled from one cheek to another. Following the warts, like an Arctic ice floe, the bumpy nose drifted with complete self-importance.

Waiting until the genies appeared on the wall together with the trainer Ghoul-Bull-Shah, Slander waved the hanky. The orchestra made up of cyclopes and heroes disjointedly struck up a fanfare. After rumbling for a minute, the fanfare withered away by itself. The powerful drummer, bored with tormenting the drum, dropped a drumstick onto the kettledrummer’s ear. That one turned around and, shedding a little tear of indignation, answered him with a double bang of crashing plates.

After threatening the orchestra musicians with a fist, Slander began his speech:

“Respected fellow citizens and foreign guests! In light of the forthcoming sporting event on the hospitable grounds of Tibidox, please allow me to mention some principle moments. I’ll try to be extremely brief and to not strain your attention, ” the dean was speaking with a well-delivered voice, tenderly looking at his rolls.

More accurately, it seemed to Slander that he was speaking, because, though his lips were moving, no sound escaped. No matter how the speaker opened his mouth or stared around maliciously, he was never able to force anything out except the wheeze of a gramophone.

The genie Abdullah quickly hid a small amulet in his sleeve. Then he majestically floated forward, whimsically bending his torso, bowed to the spectators and guests and proclaimed:

 

Looking from the Olympic heights to the guilty earth,

I’ll say, harking to the message of the dazzling Eos...

 

Unfortunately, no one succeeded in finding out for sure what the genie Abdullah was going to say from the Olympic heights. Something whizzed in the air and the library genie was literally swept away from the wall. In the same place where he had recently harked to the message of Eos, the mixed chorus of ghosts, having forced their way through, was already thundering.

Eyeless Horror was conducting, and Lieutenant Rzhevskii, stepping forward, either trilled with feelings as a soprano or floundered as a baritone. Several times he even pushed through to a bass but instantly he wilted.

Saving the situation, Medusa hastily invited all the guests to a solemn supper.

Soon after supper Ghoul-Bull-Shah thanked Tibidox for the hospitality. The genies bowed and in a single file set off to rest, entrusting their sluggish “goal” to the care of the dragon handlers they brought with them.

Although the hangar with the dragon of the genies was at the other end of the field, Goyaryn roared the entire night, sensing the opponent.

 

* * *

 

Early in the morning something started to mutter under Bulonov’s carpet. Springing off the bed, Genka in a hurry thrust the rods into the jar and, amplifying sound this way, nestled his ear close to it.

“Must this be hitched on me? Can’t we manage without the mouthpiece altogether? ” Someone inquired dejectedly.

Deciding that the voice was addressing him, Genka almost rolled from fright under the bed. However, the voice, clearly not noticing him, continued to mutter:

“I’m Damien Goryanov, the new player commentator. Professor Stinktopp picked me himself. I’ll not flatter him, only mention that he’s the sensitive leader of the black department, a cult figure of magyouth of the terrestrial globe, and in general a deep and thoughtful character... And why are you all staring at me! Ah, to say something else!

“The match between team Tibidox and the Afghan genies has not yet started at all in the dragonball stadium. Somebody claims that the struggle of the century awaits us, whereas I consider all this an utmost farce, put on to strip a little more off you for tickets. Certainly, the genies will spread us on the wall, but everyone will only be satisfied. Only give these dull fans a show.”

Bulonov involuntarily yawned.

“The chief referee of the match, Koshchei the Deathless, assigned to replace Sardanapal, releases a signal spark. It seems it’s called this when from the ring flies out a kind of cheap salute. The match begins. At first they let out the dragons from the hangars, then the genies take off on their jet pitchers and finally, we...” the voice continued to fade.

Unexpectedly everyone was stunned by a disgusting unsuccessful rattle. Fans, covering their ears with their hands, almost fell off the stands; however, it did not trouble Goryanov at all.

“What you hear is how confidently and smoothly the motor of my powerful Storm-100U rumbles...” he reported. “But we’ll not be distracted by details. Interesting, when are they releasing the balls? What are the referees for? Aha, my apologies, the balls, it seems, were already released while I was checking whether my shawl-parachute is in place! Both teams immediately join in the fight. The genies are flying like one possessed. I can’t even manage to follow them with my eyes. But what’s it to me? What, I haven’t seen genies? But then I can make out very well how Bab-Yagun, this granny’s helper and all-out crude dog, is staring at me. He’s shaking his fists and yelling something clearly unfriendly, envious... Ugh, the referees intercepted him, and I was beginning to worry whether he’s sane. Ah, here’s why he’s enraged! They’re prompting to me that the immobilize ball was hanging directly above my head, but now the genies already have it... Well, so? One more ball — one less ball. Great sport is fraught with accidents.”

The jar howled. The rods began to shake. Bulonov collapsed onto the carpet, covering his head. This offensive commentator gained altitude in a hurry, rushing to find himself further from all the ups and downs of a great sport.

For Tanya Grotter the match did not begin very successfully. She chased after the flame-extinguisher ball, but here something swept past directly in front of her nose. It threw the double bass off with an airwave. The girl only had time to notice a striped robe flashed by. The genie cutting her off showed her a pink tongue like a bologna sausage.

“Just now we could all observe how the captain of the genie team Said-Wali-Sherbet intercepted the flame-extinguisher ball from under the nose of number ten... Yes, Tatiana Grotter already doesn’t fit anywhere, no matter how sad! She sits on her double bass like a hen on the fence! ” Goryanov maliciously reported to all.

The vacuum of Bab-Yagun discarded mermaid scales from the pipe and rushed forward. While the genies, stunned by the roar of the vacuum, were considering what was what, Yagun took possession of the sneeze ball and gave a bewitched pass across the entire field to Seven-Stump-Holes.

A genie half-back attempted to intercept the ball but did not guess the spell, got one on the skullcap and lay down to rest on the sand, placing his pitcher under his cheek. Having skilfully reversed the spell of the pass, Seven-Stump-Holes pressed the ball against his chest and went for a head-on attack on the hostile dragon.

The dragon of the genies did not even breathe fire on him. It only sleepily fluttered its fat wings, more concerned in general about keeping itself in the air. Next to the flame-throwing Goyaryn it simply seemed like an overgrown gosling by chance, as a result of a black magician’s joke, changed into a dragon.

Seven-Stump-Holes threw the ball. Having met no obstacles on its way, the sneeze charge got in the dragon’s mouth. A magic flash flared up. The fans of Tibidox roared enthusiastically. Satisfied that he earned two points for his team, Seven-Stump-Holes turned around and leisurely flew to his own.

Something cracked softly behind his back. Seven-Stump-Holes puffed up his chest, thinking indulgently that this puny beast was clearly unable to sneeze. He braked and, hanging above the field, began to send air kisses in different directions.

Suddenly the roaring stands became completely quiet.

Not understanding what had happened with the fans, Seven-Stump-Holes turned around and... from his chest burst a wild cry like nothing on earth.

The dragon of the genies was engulfed in flame. The flabby skin grew dark and curled up. The chicken wings shrivelled. The previously unprepossessing covering cracked like a shell, and from its depths escaped a crimson, terrible, angry monster. Yes, it was a dragon, but what a dragon! With sharp spikes on the snout, leathery wings, dazzling scales. Pulling in air, it was fanning. A minute — and it was already the size of Goyaryn.

The genie defence flew away in different directions, bending down to their jet pitchers. Only they, it seemed, understood what had taken place and sped to get further away.

Seven-Stump-Holes, coming to his senses, clutching the pipe of his vacuum, began to hurriedly gain altitude. He hoped to be in the “dead zone” where the dragon would not see him, but he did not have time. The dragon pulled air into its nostrils and breathed out flame broken up only by the magic dome at the other end of the field. The vacuum of the Tibidox forward flamed up, and in the following moment the open mouth swallowed Seven-Stump-Holes.

“Professor Stinktopp, they tripped us up!!! It’s a dragon-phoenix! A dragon-werewolf! The genies specially allowed us to drive in a ball so that the transformation would take place! Now I understand why they call their dragon Ass-ibn-Shaitan, ” Damien Goryanov yelled in panic.

Stinktopp on the platform only shrugged his shoulders. What could he do? In the rules of dragonball possible transformations of dragons was never specified.

“Ass-ibn-Shaitan... I know such ibn-shaitans... Probably the dragons were given mercury from werewolf tracks to drink and bathed in lunar dust. I hate these unscrupulous inspectors, and, the important thing, you won’t catch them red-handed. Just try to prove that they did this, ” Tararakh muttered, turning to Vanka Valyalkin.

“And what will it be now? ” Vanka asked. Tararakh waved a hand uncertainly.

“What else? We have to be nasty, ” he said.

Meanwhile, the genies took possession of the majority of the balls and, exchanging bewitched passes, set on Goyaryn. Katya Lotkova and Kuzya Tuzikov barely kept their rush in check. Literally hanging onto Goyaryn’s neck, Katya entreated it to not be excited and let out fire in long jets. In the case of a slip the genies would for sure take advantage of the open mouth of the dragon to drop a couple of balls.

Damien Goryanov, gingerly screwing up his eyes, flew under the dome itself. He intentionally kept up higher, avoiding troubles.

“A genie forward — don’t remember what he’s called — catches — don’t see exactly what — ball. A hit — go-al! They scored on us! ” He began to yell.

For some reason no one among the fans of the genies responded and Rita On-The-Sly appearing next to him noticeably nudged Damien on the side.

“Well, there’s no goal. Goyaryn slammed shut its mouth... But is it really so important? One more goal, one less goal. Nevertheless sooner or later they’ll slaughter us all the same, ” the commentator began to justify himself.

Diving from the top, Tanya pursued the flame-extinguisher ball bounced off the snout of Goyaryn and managed to fasten it to her forearm.

Said-Wali-Sherbet and three more genies closed in around her and, not allowing her to get away in any direction, chased her directly to their own dragon. Ass-ibn-Shaitan, for some reason coming down sharply, hiccupped fully satisfied, opened its mouth and provocatively spat out a mop with a propeller.

“Ah, Zhora, Zhora! Who will do evil spirits studies for me? ” Goryanov exclaimed.

Understanding that they were forcing her directly into the open mouth of the dragon-werewolf, Tanya tried, braking, to move away to the left, but was thrown back by the jet stream of the genie on the edge. The genies crowded in even more. Squeezed in their air routes, the double bass was made almost uncontrollable.

Said-Wali-Sherbet smirked and showed Ghoul-Bull-Shah thumbs down. He was convinced that he would be finished with Tanya Grotter now.

Tanya thought feverishly. She had no chances, if only... Recalling one of the tricks she played on Bab-Yagun at training, Tanya loudly shouted: Gullis-dullis! and threw the pass... to Said-Wali-Sherbet.

While Sherbet, bewildered by such impudence, was ready to utter the counter-spell, Tanya quickly whispered Trullis-zapullis, unnoticeably replacing the spell.

Tsap-tsaraps, ” Said-Wali-Sherbet shouted, still assuming that he was dealing with Gullis-dullis.

It must be said that magic spells treat each other with great jealousy. To reward them with a different counter-spell is as serious and unpardonable a misdeed as a moronoid muddling the first name and last name of his own papa. In the next moment the flame-extinguisher ball cut into the ear of Said-Wali-Sherbet and threw him off his pitcher. Before Sherbet had time to realize it, his own jet stream caught him together with the bounced ball and delivered them into the open mouth of Ass-ibn-Shaitan.

With greediness the hungry dragon swallowed him. The flame-extinguisher magic flared up with a white flash. From the mouth of the monster dense harmless smoke instead of fire poured out continuously. The three other genies, not expecting this sad finale, lingered. The jets of their pots rendered Tanya an involuntary service, pushing her double bass out through the breach generated.

The double bass of Theophilus Grotter rushed past near the head of the crimson dragon and beautifully turned around by the rear wall of the magic dome. Koshchei the Deathless guiltily looked sideways at Ghoul-Bull-Shah and awarded the team of Tibidox three more points. Everything was so according to the rules that there was nothing to find faults with even to the most biased referee.

“The score becomes 5: 0 in favour of Tibidox. Grotter drove in a brilliant goal. Of course, she was simply lucky, but nevertheless...” Damien Goryanov unwillingly muttered.

Genka Bulonov hit the carpet with his fist. The small cup of his patience overfilled and started to seethe with envy.

“Grotter! Everywhere this Grotter! She would not take me with her! I warned, I asked! ” He shouted and, jumping up, took out the tea jar from the table.

In an aggressive rain of soldiers the wax figure fell onto the carpet. Bulonov grabbed it, took a needle and...

“Here’s to you, Tanya! You asked for it! Either you take me away or I’ll ruin everything! I can! ” He threatened.

Tanya herself did not understand what happened with her right arm. Blood was suddenly gushing out of it. Below the elbow the arm was numb. The bow slipped from the limp fingers. The double bass was tossed to the magic dome. The girl hardly had time to take the impact with her shoulder in order to not break the instrument. Then she suddenly found herself on the sand. Yagge and the medical orderlies rushed to her with a stretcher.

Getting up on her elbows, she grasped that they were attempting to take her by force away from the field. To be taken away now — at a crucial point of the match! Dragging the double bass after herself, the girl hurriedly crawled to the bow. Her hand seemed frozen, the fingers were covered with blood, everything doubled before her eyes. The only thought hitting against her brain was: if she had time to take off, they would not take her away from the field. The medical orderlies would not keep up with her in the air. Gripping the bow with her working hand, she whispered a spell.

When the double bass suddenly took off and rushed forward, Tanya almost lost consciousness from the pain.

The medical orderlies dropped the stretcher and craned their necks.

“Stop! Where are you going, foolish girl? How will you be able to play? You can’t even see where you’re flying! ” Yagge yelled at her from behind.

Climbing over the benches, Dentistikha hurried to Medusa Gorgonova. Her eyelids, swollen a little from reading sonnets at night, blinked indignantly.

“Medi, did you see that? ” She shouted, “there was no one next to her. She could not fall down by herself, she flies too well. For sure they attacked her with magic! I warned Stinktopp: it would be worthwhile to block all rings on the genies! ”

Medusa shook her head.

“Yes, Denti, it’s an evil eye, a very serious evil eye. I had time to locate it.”

“There you see! What did I say! ”

“Wait. The genies here have nothing to do with that. The magic attack was directed not from the stadium, but from the world of the moronoids.”

“MORONOIDS? ” Dentistikha repeated, very puzzled. “It’s impossible! How did they manage? ”

Medusa looked at her sternly. Her entire look said that emotions were inappropriate here.

“I don’t know how, Denti! But a moronoid did this. And you must help me find him. I intend to teleport.”

Denti threw up her hands in horror.

“Teleport? You’ve gone nuts! Teleportation to this distance is too dangerous. Better indeed to fly on a flying carpet or, at the worst, a vacuum.”

“No. It takes too long. Without Grotter we’ll lose this match. I don’t want to be red-faced before Sardanapal when he returns.”

“But this is folly! ”

“For one: yes. For this very reason I’m asking you to send me off. Have you even forgotten how it’s done? I will begin! ”

Without waiting for agreement, Medusa wrapped herself up in the raincoat and began to twirl rapidly. Her ring, red hot, shot individual green sparks. They, not fading, hovered in the air and stuck the outside of her raincoat, forming a kind of dense magic cocoon.

Dentistikha concentrated. She approached Medusa and, taking the outside of the cocoon, she began to roll it up. First she folded it in half, then half again and again... Any moronoid, on top of that an impressionable one, would not be able to endure such a show. A living person, a venerable magician, the docent of the department — and even simply a very attractive woman! — folded up like a sheet of paper. Soon all of Medusa became no larger than a mustard seed. When this took place, Dentistikha carefully placed it on her palm, again reproachfully shook her head and... blew on it hard.

The mustard seed trembled and disappeared...

Genka Bulonov did not pull his ear away from the jar. The rods were silent. The playing commentator Damien Goryanov was concerned with not getting a ball under any circumstance. Only having bolted from all the players of his own team, who theoretically could give him a pass, he returned to fulfilling his responsibilities.

“Oho, how much news! Number ten did not have time to retire from the game, as again she returns! But indeed from what height Grotter dropped with a crash, and her arm is entirely in blood! Well, downright disgusting to look at! Really, is it not a part of the responsibility of referees to guard the spectators from unpleasant sights? ”

“Aha! The arm! I knew that it would turn out this way! Now Tanya will show me some action! Let her suffer until she understands what the matter is and transport me over! ” Bulonov was in triumph.

He took out the needle and wanted to prick the figure in the other arm, when suddenly something dazzling flared up in the room.

Having decided that the lamp had exploded, Genka raised his head and froze, exactly like a cockroach, above which a deadly slipper had shot up. A small tornado appeared under the chandelier. When it calmed down, Bulonov saw that in its place, arms across the chest, a tall lady was standing.

“Drop the needle! ” Medusa said in a voice not tolerating argument.

“I won’t drop it! ” Genka squeaked, panicking. The copper-red hair of the tall lady started to hiss.

Two long strands hanging from the forehead were the first to change into snakes.

“The needle! ” The lady repeated in a voice cutting short all objections.

Bulonov obediently unclenched his fingers.

“And it’s not worthwhile to call for help here, ” continued Medusa, guessing his thoughts. “I can’t stand howling boys. And better not hide under the table. You indeed don’t want hippos to suddenly turn up on top of the table. Do you want it so or not? Answer, quick! ”

Bulonov shook his head and got out in a hurry from under the table. He somehow immediately comprehended that it was not a bluff and hippos could actually appear on his head.

“Bravo! You’re a reasonable youth! Now hand the figure over. With great care, don’t squeeze it, or there will be one more hamster in the moronoid world! ”

Genka timidly extended the wax Grotter to the lady. At the same time he accidentally touched her fingers. The fingers were sizzling.

“Strange, it’s made according to all the rules! No, a moronoid didn’t fashion it, actually! From where would a moronoid know about reviving runes on the feet? Here it smells a little like strong dark magic!

“Where did you get this? ” Having examined the figure, Medusa asked with suspicion.

In a confused way Bulonov recounted about the rods, the golden ball, and the altar. The reliable scent of an experienced three-point student prompted him to better not lie.

Medusa nodded.

“Well, everything is clear with the bow. Tanya should have been more careful. One ought not to leave a magic object with the moronoids, even a damaged one, but here we must still look into who sculpted the figure. Ah, well! ”

Docent Gorgonova brought the figure up to her face and smelled it. The nostrils of her classical nose trembled with disgust.

“Phew, what a stink! No, it didn’t manage without a swamp bogey here. But a bogey would not know how to mould a figure, it was only carrying out someone’s order, sticking in the needle. It also stole the sweater! But who ordered it to? You, of course, don’t know? ” Bulonov hurriedly shook his head.

“Of course you don’t. And how would you, a moronoid, even know? Is that so or not? ” Medusa hesitated.

Genka ceased shaking his head and in a hurry began to nod.

Darkening, Gorgonova began to walk along the room.

“I think the matter here didn’t manage without some old allies of She-Who-Is-No-More. But who could it be? Unless... No, it would be too foul! He couldn’t! Though, no, impossible! ” Medusa stopped and waved her hand, precisely chopping off undesirable thoughts.

“Okay, I’ll investigate later with allies. But for the time being a block spell will be sufficient, ” she decisively stated.

Medusa wrapped herself in the raincoat and began to release green sparks in a business-like manner. Genka, coming to his senses, threw himself towards her. He suddenly grasped that his last chance of going into the magic world would vanish together with the stern lady.

“Please wait! Take me with you! I... I also want to go! ”

Medusa stopped revolving. She looked narrowly at Bulonov, and her face softened slightly.

“All you should have done was to destroy this figure. There! ” Gorgonova decisively crushed the wax double, “If you had done this, for sure one of us — Sardanapal, Denti, or myself — would have valued your nobility. And, possibly, if you turned out to have a drop of magic talent — at least its echo! — you would end up in Tibidox and study there... And you have, by the way, minimum abilities — otherwise the bow would not become a ball for you! ”

Bulonov took one half-step forward. Hope started to glimmer in him.

“However, you decided to keep the figure. Moreover, to use it in order to preserve authority over Tanya! And then you almost killed her during the match. Your own meanness prevented you from going into the magic world! Treachery never pays! You can trust me — never... Now you’ll never hear about the magic world anymore and even not remember about it! You’re unworthy of it! ” Medusa said inflexibly.

Docent Gorgonova snapped her fingers. The fragments of the magic bow flared up and turned into ashes. Rising into the air, the ashes assumed the shape of a green snake, which, flying out from the jar, slid into Bulonov’s nostril.

Fillissimo moronissimo! ” Medusa pronounced firmly and melted away.

Bulonov giggled foolishly and sat down on the floor. Looking around, he discovered that he was dressed in pyjamas, and dragging the blanket beside him.

“Ah, understandable... Again I fell off the bed! I told mama that I need a new bed — a wide one! ” He muttered.

Genka shook his head exactly like a poodle in whose ear a flea began to crawl. He sat for a while longer on the floor, and then, muttering an appeal: “M-mam-m, what do we have to eat? ”” He left for the kitchen to gobble a sausage.

The river of life carried the straw of moronoid fate further.

 

* * *

 

Ass-ibn-Shaitan lashed out with its flexible leathery wings, in a flash raising it under the most magical dome. It seemed that with each second the dragon-werewolf became increasingly more furious. Its folded skin turned crimson, as if inside blazed an inextinguishable flame.

With its back touching the stretchy magic dome, Ass-ibn-Shaitan threw open its mouth to its whole width. Between its front teeth was stuck the jet broom of the recently swallowed Kuzya Tuzikov. On one of the sharp spikes adorning the snout of the monster was threaded the guitar of Rita On-The-Sly. Rita herself had already been jumping impatiently for ten minutes in the safety zone, vaguely hoping that someone’s vacuum, or at least a captured pitcher, would fall from the sky.

The remaining players of team Tibidox were hardly parrying the attacks of the genies on Goyaryn. Damien Goryanov, covered by commentator responsibilities, barely assumed participation in the match. He only circled on his Storm-100U around the perimeter of the field and thought up whatever causticity for him to address Bab-Yagun. A deafening roar was suddenly heard somewhere very near, and Damien saw Ass-ibn-Shaitan staring at him with the most gastronomic intentions.

“DON’T TOUCH ME! YOU’LL POISON YOURSELF! GUARD!!! ”

Goryanov in horror screwed up his eyes and jumped from the vacuum, hanging by the shawl-parachute. When, in his opinion, he should have already touched sand, something swooped down upon the playing commentator and tossed him up, and in the next moment Damien found himself already in the dragon’s stomach next to Seven-Stump-Holes, Zhora Zhikin, Kuzya Tuzikov, Said-Wali-Sherbet, and Rita On-The-Sly with the trailer detached from the guitar. It was a warm and moderately friendly company.

“Well now, respected listeners, finally I’ve been swallowed! I warned that I’m unsavoury. Now you’ll see that this will all end with indigestion for the dragon, ” Goryanov whined dejectedly, but no one heard him.

The silver mouthpiece, having bounced off Damien’s overalls when he was tossed up by the dragon with its nose, was caught by Katya Lotkova. Katya threw it to Bab-Yagun. Yagun, not losing a second, instantly hitched it to his overalls and started to rumble:

“Oh, my granny mama! Hello! Hello! Ass-ibn-Shaitan hasn’t managed to slam shut its mouth after swallowing the previous commentator, but with you already I am the dear to all and irritating to many Bab-Yagun! The match is in full swing! It is necessary for team Tibidox to be nasty. Although we have outscored them, it is becoming increasingly worse for us! Playing at full potential are only Katya Lotkova on the Dirt vacuum, Liza Zalizina on the cuckoo clock, and the incomparable Tatiana Grotter, number ten. Happy to report to you that she has already completely recovered from the mysterious evil eye! Well and, of course, I — Bab-Yagun, as always am in the air! But here is Coffinia Cryptova, exaggerated by someone as a star of the first magnitude, has long since stopped catching balls! At present our little star is only occupied with avoiding the dragon! Of course! The mouth of the dragon will prove to be disastrous for her hair-do! ”

Cryptova grunted resentfully, considering herself unjustly offended. She intended to fly up to Yagun to clarify the situation, but to the right again appeared Ass-ibn-Shaitan licking its lips. Coffinia was forced to bend down to the vacuum and drive it downward.

“Stay away from me, strung-out lizard! You’re what, sick? You have something personal against me? Oh, someone get rid of this maniac! ” She screamed.

“Bravo, Cryptova, bravo! Pity you don’t have an umbrella, you could beat it! ” Yagun approved.

His ringing happy voice resounded along the entire field. Fans, lulled by the fading mumbling of Goryanov, finally came to life and began to smile. At his arbitral place Koshchei the Deathless half-rose.

“Tsk... But what’s this arbitrariness? Yagun isn’t the commentator anymore! I, as chief referee, didn’t give permission! Someone must urgently take away his mouthpiece! ” He demanded. “Hey, referees! ”

Armour rumbling, the chief referee was about to move forward, but Medusa Gorgonova stopped him.

The instructor of evil spirits studies was slightly tattered after teleportation. The long raincoat was darkened at places. If not for these signs really only noticeable to Denti, no one would have ever guessed that it was necessary for her to be in the world of the moronoids.

“Wait! ” She said.

“Wait? You’re trying to hinder the chief referee? ” Deathless vindictively answered.

“Me? Not at all! ” Medusa objected dryly. “You, as the chief referee, have the right to act as you please. Disqualify Yagun! Take away his mouthpiece! But I only want to remind you of the rules of dragonball. A match cannot continue without a commentator. You’ll have to set off yourself to the field and fly among the players.”

Koshchei the Deathless was stunned. He looked sideways first at Goyaryn, having just swallowed one of the genies, then at the raging Ass-ibn-Shaitan, licking its chops at Coffinia, and grunted disconcertedly. His mouth, opened in order to give referees the order for Yagun’s removal, slammed shut.

“Eh-eh... Okay... I think that in this case we can make an exception. We’ll not take the mouthpiece away from the boy. In any case for the time being...” the representative of Magciety babbled, trying not to meet the eyes of Ghoul-Bull-Shah.

“An intense moment! ” Bab-Yagun exclaimed, not even suspecting what trouble he had escaped. “Goyaryn is being attacked immediately from all sides! It brings one genie down from the jug and swallows him! Another — this is kamikaze! — falls directly into the jet of fire and acquires a deserved sunburn, but then the third... A throw! NO-O-O! They threw us the pepper ball! The score has become 5: 5. From the mouth of Goyaryn the genies previously fallen there depart with a somersault! In the game remain only two balls — the ten-point immobilize and the one-point stun! The outcome of the duel now depends on which team will throw them! ”

Noticing the stun ball flickering over her, Tanya chased after it. The ball departed by short jumps, always changing direction — it was likely bewitched. While the girl tried to guess the counter-spell in a hurry, a lanky genie sped across towards her. In flight he bent down low to the pitcher and clearly intended to blow her off with his exhaust jet.

“Ah well, a march to the thick of things, I’m furious! Get away from Tanya! ” Yagun yelled to him and, spurring the vacuum on, raced before the lanky one himself.

The genie began to twirl. He began to yell indignantly, in a colourful eastern spirit calling for thunder and lightning onto Yagun’s head. Simultaneously on the stands where fans of the genies sat, two benches collapsed.

“Oho! In no way they would try to cast an evil eye on me again! Nice job, granny! What would I do without you! ” Bab-Yagun exclaimed encouragingly.

“Yagun! Catch! ” Forced by the genies against the dome, Tanya threw him a bewitched pass.

Yagun mirrored just in time and counter-spelled the ball and sped to Ass-ibn-Shaitan. The Afghan dragon was busy. Exactly like cat and mouse, it was shaking in its mouth Coffinia Cryptova, who with a screech struck it on the snout.

Noticing the approaching Yagun, Ass-ibn-Shaitan spat out Coffinia, with distaste sneezed out her vacuum and stared at the grandson of Yagge. It could not stand to gather in its stomach a full collection of commentators.

Two genie defenders tried to put a screen in front of Bab-Yagun, but they were swept away by their own dragon.

“Probably, the fans will now ask themselves the question: what is he doing? ” Yagun rattled on. “‘Oh, my granny mama! ’ They say. ‘He won’t have time to apply the brakes and turn the vacuum around! Really must this strange youth turn up in the dragon’s stomach and spend the best minutes of his life there? ’ But I also don’t intend to brake... I... IT’S TIME! ”

Waiting until the open mouth of the dragon was very near, Yagun fastened the stun ball to the vacuum and hurriedly left his flying machine. The driven vacuum, ejecting mermaid scales, barabashka dandruff, and small rubbish, ran into the dragon’s nose and was immediately gulped.

“All the same it’s nice that I in my own time acquired a sticky hull for the vacuum! And indeed they said that it wouldn’t be useful! By the way, the score is 6: 5 for us! ” Bab-Yagun, hanging by a shawl-parachute, verbosely reported.

The stun magic snapped into action with a loud bang. The eyes of Ass-ibn-Shaitan became bulging and sweet like overripe dried apricot. Forgetting about Bab-Yagun, it started to confusedly rush along the field, running into the dome. The magic protection, not planned for repetitive hits by such a hulk, began to crackle and blink, ready to disappear right there. Slander Slanderych, Dentistikha, and Professor Stinktopp hastily muttered spells, but even their joint magic was not sufficient to quickly close up all the breaches in the dome.

Spectators in horror overturned benches. The customary dragon handlers swiftly took to everywhere nets, fire extinguishers, and spare stretchers out of the hangars. The brigades of cyclopes and brother-heroes Usynya, Gorynya, and Dubynya hurriedly smeared themselves with vampire bile and were prepared to hang onto Ass-ibn-Shaitan if it cut its way through. Katya Lotkova calmed the excited Goyaryn, which, viewing the disorder, was striving to bite the “goal” of the opposition by the tail.

“I swear by the hair of The Ancient One! Did you see it? ” Bab-Yagun strained himself, dangling as before from his small parachute. “The genies with the immobilize ball force their way through to Goyaryn! They understand very well that it’s their last chance! A dangerous moment! A throw from the centre! The genie forward rushes too much! The ball hits the plates on the nose of Goyaryn! Now it cuts into the magic protection of the dome and bounces! But... the dome no longer exists there! The immobilize ball falls directly onto the spectators, it bounces once, again and... Oh, my granny mama! Who would think that it would explode, colliding with the armour of the chief referee! Koshchei the Deathless is wrapped in a light haze and topples over, — hanging onto the arms of Ghoul-Bull-Shah. Interesting, do we have somewhere on Buyan that takes scrap metal? ”

“Yagun! Don’t push it! Isn’t it enough for you yet? ” Yagge shouted a warning.

“Okay, granny, I won’t! Hur-ray! No more balls left, and it’s against the rules to release additional balls onto the field! We won! The team of Tibidox moves to the final!!! Soon a meeting with the Invisibles and the advertised young natural Gury Pupper awaits us all! ”

Yagun shouted something else still, but no one was listening to him any longer. The dragon handlers and the cyclopes sped to throw a net on Ass-ibn-Shaitan, having already swallowed a second referee. Tanya Grotter, Katya Lotkova, and Liza Zalizina, weeping from joy, attempted to take the excited Goyaryn away into the hangar.

Finally the dragons were put away. Tararakh was busy with liberating the swallowed players. And here the fans suddenly came to a full realization of what had happened.

“Victory! We’re in the final! ” Vanka yelled. Into the air, forgetting about the ban, flew caps, firecrackers, red and green sparks. Slander Slanderych jumped up and started to take down in his notebook the names of instigators. But the entire stadium roared and made noise and it was impossible to make out who the instigators were.

Then the dean squeezed the feather tighter, licked his lips, and in the column for “Matters for Tuesday” wrote down: “Turn everyone into zombies.” Then he re-read his own note, looked at Medusa waving her hands, to Professor Stinktopp releasing sparks, to Great Denti tossing up her glasses, and, realizing the impossibility of the mentioned actions, ripped the page into shreds.

Finishing with the sheet, Slander looked around cautiously, delicately taking air into his chest, and in a falsetto either shouted or quacked: “Hur-ray! ”

 

 


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