The Fatal Crack

On the eve of the match with the Invisibles all of Tibidox poured out onto the walls to meet the guests. The for-life and posthumous head of the school Academician Sardanapal smiled at everyone in a friendly way from the instructors’ little balcony and blinked in the sun like a contented cat. Beside him, clearly talking about something pleasant, were Tararakh, Dentistikha, and Medusa Gorgonova. Nightingale O. Robber continually dropped concerned glances at his team, desiring them to look as worthy as possible.

Noticing this, Gorynya imperceptibly nudged Usynya with a shoulder:

“Look at this trainer! He’s simple like a broody hen with his team! Look out he’s going to start clucking! Well, how like Nightingale he is! Maybe we’ll rename him Hen O. Robber? ”

The brother-bouncers began to neigh loudly.

Nightingale, standing much higher on the wall than the heroes, clearly could not have caught anything. He did not even turn around, but suddenly under Gorynya’s right eye a splendid shiner appeared by itself. Cursing the omnipresent magicians, Gorynya put a hand up to his eye.

Usynya and Dubynya again burst out laughing, this time already at their unlucky brother.

On that day, it seemed, it was not possible to spoil anyone’s mood. Even the inconvenient magic cloaks did not particularly hamper anyone except Glomov, making noise with the rusty armour.

Only Slander Slanderych was in a bad mood. A roll with his speech stuffed under his arm, the dean walked along the wall and threw jealous glances at the genie Abdullah. It especially annoyed Slander that from the library genie’s indistinct face, sneaking away in the most literal sense, it could not be determined if he had prepared a salutatory poem. The cunningly winking eyes of the rival crawled over to the chin, and the mouth merging with an ear smiled sarcastically.

Unexpectedly, somewhere in the distance, above the bright bay inexplicably like a folded bed sheet, something flared up in lilac.

“The spell of passage! They’re already here! ” Sardanapal shouted.

They began to stir on the walls.

The composite chorus of ghosts began hurriedly to warm up for singing. Lieutenant Rzhevakii passionately bellowed, vocal chords heating up. Unhealed Lady, a woollen scarf wrapped around to her eyes, coquettishly complained about a toothache. The orchestra of cyclopes and heroes in haste furnished themselves with pipes and drums. The kettledrummer held copper cymbals ready and with anticipation rubbed them against one another. On his sly face could be read a passionate desire to produce deafening sounds.

Frequent wing strokes were heard, and a dragon emerged from the clouds. It was gigantic, with shimmering silver scales and bulging wide-open saffron eyes. Flying to Tibidox, the dragon began to roar like the siren on a steamer. Goyaryn responded with a challenge, shaking the hangar with powerful blows of its tail. After flying a circle above the school of magic, the dragon of the Invisibles began to descend.

On the walls they began to exchange surprised looks and to whisper among themselves. The orchestra about to strike up was taken aback and became quiet. Only the kettledrummer alone, blinking with pleasure and already thunderstruck, continued to bang the cymbals with feeling.

THE DRAGON WAS COMPLETELY ALONE! No matter how hard the Tibidox people looked, they could not discern a single magician next to it. Afraid that the spell of passage did not let them through, Slander was about to rush somewhere to take appropriate measures, but here the spectators began to make noise joyfully.

“They! Ah-oo-ei-eh! ” Verka Parroteva began to moan. She began to clamber to the battlement, clearly intending to break away because of happiness, but Seven-Stump-Holes caught her by a foot just in time.

“Oh-oo-eh! Stop the panic! ” He said firmly.

Slander Slanderych threw himself to the nearest loophole. Out of nowhere, to the right and left of the dragon, appeared figures in blowing yellow raincoats. Each player was sitting on a long broom and waving a hat in salutation.

While the Tibidox fans whispered in amazement to each other trying to find Puper among them, in the air almost by the instructors’ little balcony two more were clearly seen. One was a strong young fellow, clearly the trainer or instructor, but everyone immediately forgot about him. Only the considerate Dentistikha gave him a smile.

Then hundreds of eyes were instantly turned to his fellow traveller — a not tall, brisk young fellow in the uniform and raincoat of the Invisibles.

“Gury! Gury Puper! ” The crowd howled.

Puper only needed to descend to the wall and an entire crowd rushed to him for autographs. A true crush began. In a flash they injured both of Shurasik’s feet, and they so crowded Goryanov to the teeth that they squeezed all the pessimism out of him.

“Help please! Mama, I want to live! ” He began to yell in a voice extremely interested in survival.

Meanwhile the crowd of worshippers closed around Puper. He also turned out to be a friendly fellow indeed. He shook hands with each of the two hundred fans, smiled pleasantly to each, and patiently introduced himself to everyone:

“Puper. Gury Puper. Team of the Invisibles.”

“A thrill! ” Zhora Zhikin commented. “The great Puper himself shook my hand! Now I won’t wash it for years! ”

Either from distraction or even for some incomprehensible reason Puper shook both hands of Dusya Dollova and introduced himself a whole two times in a row. This was a fatal mistake on his part. The impressionable Dollova got goodness knows what an opinion of herself and with a scream: “Squeeze him! He’s such a darling! ” threw herself around Gury’s neck. Following Dusya, not wanting to go to all the trouble for nothing, about fifty girls started with a jerk.

Puper tried to retreat but it was already too late. The squealing worshippers closed in on the body of the star. Only after ten minutes was he extracted fairly dishevelled, with a flattened nose and a bright imprint of lipstick on the forehead, like a target. He now looked at Dusya Dollova with horror. Dusya smiled demonically and was clearly weighing whether or not to change her idol into gingerbread. In her hands she passionately crumpled a splendid shred of Puper’s raincoat.

It was finally possible for Sardanapal to restore order. The cyclopes, saving the situation, began in a hurry to play a flourish. Ghosts, muffled up in shawls and skipping like gypsies, began to sing: “To us came our favourite dear Gury Puper! ” Unhealed Lady kept time jingling a small tambourine decorated with ribbons.

It was fascinating. But, alas, the efforts of the wretches were not rewarded by even listless applause. The ghosts did not have time to reach the words “The world has not yet seen such beauty! ” when right through the spectral chorus Coffinia Cryptova unceremoniously forced her way with bread and salt.

A secret smile played on her face.

“Please try our round loaf, dear guest! Indeed please accept! ” She asked affectionately, bowing to Puper.

Gury was at a loss. Looking askance in surprise first at the girl with the violet hair, then at the tray in her hands, he timidly stretched his hands to the tray. Encouraging him, Coffinia smiled even wider, even more benevolently.

Suddenly the round loaf flared up with a dark-blue flame and exploded. Gury Puper and Coffinia were instantly covered with soot. Gury’s clothing was smoking. Only the whites of his eyes shone on his face black as an African’s.

However, it was necessary to give him credit: even in these difficult circumstances Gury behaved like a true gentleman.

“Puper, Gury Puper. The team of the Invisibles, ” he introduced himself, slowly slipping down along the fortress battlement.

The trainer, with uneasiness, joined his best player and carried him off the wall. Behind them, continually looking around, hurried the rest of the team. The solemn occasion was ruined.

Dentistikha approached the still Coffinia.

“Darling, listen to my advice! All the same I have more experience than you and understand something about life. Next time when you intend to cook a charm potion, use saxifrage very carefully, ” she said, pursing her lips.

Nodding in a cowardly manner, Coffinia backed up and... bumped into an enraged Slander, rushing to her accompanied by the not less furious genie Abdullah. Both were waving their speeches, which they did not manage to give.

“Because of you I again didn’t give my speech! Pity it’s not possible to transfer you to the black department a second time! Now march to dig earthworms for ground meat for the griffins! ” The dean hissed.

“And try to ask me again for books from the locked reserve! I’ll lock you in the bookcase! For a thousand years! ” The genie Abdullah screamed.

Coffinia dejectedly meandered from the wall.

“Rejoice early! The game has not yet been played. Nevertheless Puper won’t get away from me, ” she muttered ruefully to herself.

* * *

In the morning before the match Bab-Yagun in an elated mood burst into the Hall of Two Elements, where all of Tibidox were already having breakfast.

“Hand over your grated horseradish here! I’ll gobble it up together with the tablecloth! I’ll only spit out the vitamins! ” He shouted and, passing by, merrily slapped the forehead of the laid-back Shurasik.

A puzzled Shurasik bristled up in extreme excitement, not knowing how to handle it now: to hit Yagun back or consider this slap a friendly gesture. He even extracted from a bag the worn out little brochure How to be yourself in company? Rules of social conduct (ed. Master S.T. Smelly) and began to thumb through it in haste.

However, by the time Shurasik finally affirmed that it was just a friendly gesture, Bab-Yagun was already long gone. The best student of Tibidox with a sigh hid the booklet and started to responsibly chew buckwheat kasha.

“Hey, are you still sulking? Pardon me! I was a fool. Mad at the whole world and behaved like an ultimate pig altogether, ” Bab-Yagun said guilty, flopping down on the bench next to Tanya and Vanka Valyalkin.

Tanya, not having yet forgotten that mean incident when Yagun changed seat and moved beside Coffinia, looked interrogatively at Vanka. Vanka blinked distrustfully and clearly did not understand what whim had taken Yagun. It was indeed painfully strange that for no rhyme or reason Yagun suddenly realized that it was certainly not right to beam like a copper five-kopeck coin.

The reason for Yagun’s outstanding mood was explained literally in a minute when he, as if casually, straightened his dragonball overalls. Near the pocket the commentator mouthpiece sparkled with a silver speck of light.

“Where did you get it from? ” Tanya was astonished.

“Sardanapal returned it. Already for keeps, ” Yagun informed her.

“That’s wonderful! Why? ”

“Why? It’s clear to everyone that Goryanov is no commentator. True, here so far they haven’t transferred me from the black department. Sardanapal says that everything is not so simple. I, he says, still have to change a lot, recognize my errors, well, and so on. The usual dusting of the brain. So are you forgiving me or what? Why are you so sulky? ” Bab-Yagun impatiently asked again.

Vanka began to drum the table with his fingers.

“And you believe we must throw our arms around your neck? What, so soon? ” He asked.

“But I indeed admit that I behaved like a fool! Well, if you want, hit me in the eye, if it makes you feel better! ” Yagun was angry.

“No, I don’t. It’ll not make me feel better. Now you have the mouthpiece and you’re best friend with everybody. But tomorrow, let’s suppose, they’ll again deprive you of the mouthpiece, and again you’ll become mean as a dog. Friends must always be friends, not venting all kinds of moods like a swamp bogey. I cannot forgive you, ” Vanka said firmly.

“Boo-hoo, how delicate we are! Simply made of sugar! Honestly speaking, from you, yellow soccer shirt, I didn’t expect anything else! ” Yagun became testy and turned to Tanya: “Well, and you? Will you forgive me? ”

“Excuse me, for the time being I can’t. I need time to examine everything, ” Tanya said, avoiding looking at him. In truth she also felt that she was not yet ready to forget. Yagun inflicted too grave an insult on her.

The proud grandson of Yagge flared up. His protruding ears began to turn crimson as before on the very first day when he turned up for Tanya at the Durnevs.

“I don’t need you at all! I’ll manage without you! ” Yagun shouted and ran out of the Hall of Two Elements.

* * *

The dragonball stadium of Buyan was filled before ten o’clock. If some excessively dreamy harpy would take it into its head to drop a bone or dribble droppings from above, it for sure would hit someone on the head. Luckily, there were no harpies in the sky of Tibidox. They were mortally afraid of dragons and stayed in the forest.

Even the hundreds of additional benches were not enough to hold all the spectators. The cyclopes, with foresight covered with talismans to ward off evil eye, barely managed to check the tickets, among which a good fourth were false. Black magicians did not like to spend money in vain. Moreover, many had adopted long ago from the moronoids such a fraudulent invention as a colour copier.

The first four benches on all the stands were occupied by correspondents of many magic periodicals, magpapers, and TV station. Here were Voice from the Coffin, Bald Mountain Truth, Moronoid Times, Moonless Magilgrims, Latest Magnews, Mag-TV, Shaman News, the radio station Witchcraft Granny, and many other information media not listed only because of the author’s carelessness.

The zoomers of the correspondents crackled non-stop, producing such a nightmarish noise that it was impossible to hear not only one’s neighbour but also oneself. Slander Slanderych, appearing at the match with the mermaid, ultimately demanded everyone to turn off the zoomers.

The incensed correspondents obeyed, but they rashly pelted Slander with evil eyes, jinxes, and fatal curses. Smirking, the dean of Tibidox unbuttoned his ceremonial robe and demonstrated his hairy chest chained in reflecting armour.

Correspondents gritted their teeth and, seeing that nothing could be done by magic here, vindictively scribbled in their notebooks that the dean of Tibidox wore a woman’s corset.

Because of the terrible fuss and the crush the start of the match was delayed twice — each time by a quarter of an hour. The referees hurriedly checked the strength of the shielding dome, and the dragon handlers, clothespins clamping their noses in order to not breathe in the sulphuric gas, continually dived into the hangars to their charges. Gury Puper’s group of roadies, having arrived already at dawn, managed to recapture the best stand and, inconsiderately blocking the views of others, stretched out the banner: “Gury Puper — here is someone super! ”

TV cameramen from Latest Magnews and Mag-TV, still shooting nothing since the match had not yet begun, immediately fixed their cameras on this group.

Vanka Valyalkin watched the Puper fans for some time, and then hung over Shurasik and started to enthusiastically persuade him to do something. It was amusing to watch them, Vanka fell on him like a gamecock, and Shurasik sighed and shook his head like a sad donkey. Finally Shurasik yielded to the pressure and, looking for prompts in two or three notebooks, put together a complex spell.

“Well so, did it work? ” Vanka impatiently inquired.

“Putting together complex spells — it’s not like you rushing to a Briskus! You want to rush — do it yourself! ” Shurasik snapped.

“I cannot. You indeed know that Medusa says I plod at lessons. And besides, Shurasik is the one and only in nature, ” Valyalkin flattered him.

Puffed up with pride, the one and only unique Shurasik re-read his spell, made a small correction in one place, and began to mutter, rocking in the manner of a Chukot shaman. His mumbling bore fruits.

Not even a minute had passed before the fan’s banner, asserting that Gury Puper was super, insolently put their idol on the spot. Now the jumping red letters said: “Gury Poop, do you not want it in your soup? ”

For some time the fans of Gury Puper did not understand why everyone was pointing at them with fingers and laughing loudly, and then they began suspiciously to whisper to each other and to spit on their palms. Vanka was convinced that there would be a fight, but Puper’s fans had something else in mind. They let out several sparks and the inscription on their banner was replaced with the insulting “Tanya Grotter is a blockhead! On the double bass and in a cradle! ”

“And now it’s indeed uncouth — to run down ours! Shurasik, come on! ” Vanka ordered.

Shurasik again started to swing. The fans of Puper attempted to prevent him with sparks and magic blocks, but everything was useless. The Tibidox child prodigy triumphed over the competitors.

The letters on the banner began to jump, wriggle, multiply, and finally they categorically demanded:

“Return the brooms to the yard-keepers! All sweepers clean up the leaves! ”

The greatly offended fans tried to change the inscription, but it no longer changed, persistently summoning them to battle with the leaves. Seeing the futility of its intellectual efforts, the group of Puper’s supporters flung away the damaged banner and, flushing to the shade of a sickly tomato, rushed for hand-to-hand combat.

Vanka squeezed his fists and leaped to his feet on the bench.

“Shurasik, stay! We’ll show them! ” He shouted in a warlike manner.

Shurasik pensively turned green.

“We’ll show them! But, you know, I remember one thing! You fight for the time being, and I’ll be back soon! Even if they’ll beat you, remember: moral victory is on our side! ” He stated.

The gifted youth turned on the spot, wrapped himself up in a raincoat and, with dozens of sparks stuck to it, in a hurry levitated to the adjacent stand. As a nervous and vulnerable creative person, Shurasik related doubly negatively to scuffles.

“Tibidox, they’re fighting us! ” Vanka shouted, fanning off the first of Puper’s fans — a broad-shouldered husky lad of about sixteen.

Vanka was bashed on the cheekbone, and he fell down between the benches. The Puper fan did not have time to rush on top of him when someone slapped him on the shoulder. The Puper fan turned around. In front of him, picking his nose with a thick finger, towered Gunya Glomov.

“You! You hit him splendidly! And you’ll teach me? ” Glomov was interested and punched out a fist the size of a pumpkin, the Puper fan rolled along the steps, and Gunya, tumbling impatiently, already hurried towards the others.

The cyclopes, swinging clubs and beating the innocent and the guilty, hurried to where the fight was. The fans jumped up. The fight was already seething on two stands. Someone already tore off long boards from the benches and turned over garbage cans. The correspondent of Moonless Magilgrims had his nose bruised by the copper plaque “Trainer’s Locker.” Someone cast an evil eye on the mentioned plaque and now it, like a bumblebee gone mad, flew above the stands and rammed whoever came first.

Sardanapal realized the need for urgent interference. Puffing up his cheek, he climbed onto a chair and, holding his hands at the tips of his scandalous moustaches, shouted loudly:

“Stop immediately or I, as the chief referee, will cancel the match! ”

The amplifying spell spread the voice of the academician to the most distant corners of the stadium. The threat worked. The most furious enemies stopped sending blows to each other. Gunya Glomov picked up the Puper fan thrown down by him and began to thoughtfully shake him from behind.

“Somehow you, brother, are careless. Soiled the whole sweater! ” He sympathetically cackled.

When the cyclopes finally reached those fighting, there was already nobody to pacify. All were sitting sedately on the benches, innocently showing the cyclopes small bags of potato chips. Only the violent plaque alone continued to rush, but Medusa Gorgonova incinerated it with a sniper spark.

Sardanapal approached Tararakh, returning from the hangars, where he secretly peeped at the hostile dragon. The instructor of veterinary magic was sweaty, smoked, and in addition smelling a little sulphuric.

“Well, and these Invisibles have some dragon! A true violent nut, and how it spits! I didn’t even have time to put my eye to the crack and it suddenly fired with direct aim! I swear by the cave bear, from which I once had to take to my heels, they poured into its swill about three buckets of mercury with red pepper, ” panting, the pithecanthropus reported.

“The Invisibles will not get away with this. It’s against the rules! ” The academician objected with indignation.

“Uh-huh. Against the rules. But everybody does it, ” said Tararakh.

“Everybody does but we’ll not! I won’t allow even the least infringement! ” Sardanapal decisively stated. “Is everything clear to you, Tararakh? And there’s nothing here to glower at with your sly eyes! ”

“Uh-huh. Clear. We won’t, so we won’t. Why the noise? ” The pithecanthropus was at a loss how to react soothingly.

He already had time to secretly order that Goyaryn be given mercury with pepper, so that now his soul was at peace.

Sardanapal listened to the impatient rumble of the stands and waved a hand.

The doors of the change rooms were thrown open and discharged twenty players and one short-legged referee of the Egyptian babai. The team of the Invisibles was in identical dark raincoats and tall hats. The wide brims of the hats hid the faces. It seemed it was not possible to distinguish the players at all.

“They reckon that with this they can confuse us! ” Tararakh said to Medusa. “Interesting, which of them is Puper? From here you can tell nothing.”

Medusa frowned slightly.

“That’s Puper there, at the edge. Don’t you see, he has a gilt broom and rangefinder glasses? And now, Tararakh, be nice, move aside. I can’t stand the smell of sulphur.”

“Clear as day. I can’t stand it myself, ” Tararakh said and, smiling cunningly, went away.

Having ascertained that both teams were lined up facing one another, Sardanapal snapped his fingers, turning on Yagun’s magic mouthpiece.

“Phew... I beg forgiveness... A gnat flew into my mouth... So, with you again I’m the resilient, dear to all and irritating to many Bab-Yagun! ” The familiar voice began to chatter. “On this rainy and grey October day, when the firebirds have long since migrated to Africa, the water-sprites are soaking in their pond, and even the harpies have sensibly disappeared somewhere, we are all gathered here with the one and only great objective — to watch the final match of the world dragonball championship. This purpose unites us, so different and unlike, young and old, fat and thin, clever and dull, speaking different languages and wearing... eh-eh... boots of different sizes. Among us there are “white” and “black” magicians, professors and students, respected correspondents and cheats from evil spirits, and finally beauties like Katya Lotkova and complete crocodiles like...” here Yagun with relish looked at Goryanov, but, obviously recalling Sardanapal’s warning, sadly added: “However we’ll not move on to the people. Especially as these petty, unworthy personalities have already paled from spite.”

“Yagun, round it up! They’ve already jumped onto their brooms! You want to remain on the ground? ” Seven-Stump-Holes whispered.

Bab-Yagun recollected suddenly and began in a hurry to start his vacuum, straightening the amulets, and muttering the warm up spells.

“Darn, stalled... Aha, mermaid scales in the injector. Now it’ll rumble... There, it started! ” He muttered.

“Yagun! ” Seven-Stump-Holes again started to whisper. “Present the teams! ”

“Oh, my granny mama! ” Yagun suddenly noticed the oversight. “The team Tibidox, I’m sure, needs no introduction. I’ll only point out the basic players, on whom the trainer Nightingale O. Robber lays special hopes today. Number four, Seven-Stump-Holes, who won’t leave me in peace... Yes, he plays not badly, sometimes even scores, but the majority of matches he spends time in a dragon’s stomach. By the way, Stump, wanted to ask you, bring your pillow with you? Okay, brother, don’t be offended: advertising takes different forms... Number five — Rita On-The-Sly. Her Jet-Dinghy guitar with a trailer suffered seriously in the last match. For this very reason Rita was forced to move to a balalaika with pedals. Don’t know about others, but I like this instrument. Funky and fast, although, of course, you tire out turning the pedals... Number seven, Coffinia Cryptova, Swine-Sportage vacuum... Oh, I wanted to list only the best players! In that case — pardon me, Coffinia, they’ll read about you in the programme...”

It was a suspiciously stirring Coffinia turning green from rage.

“Number eight — Bab-Yagun, the playing commentator. I’ll say nothing more about myself, but, trust me, I’m on the field not only to deafen you with the crackle of my vacuum and the cry “Go-al! ” And finally, the brightest star of the team of Tibidox TATIANA GROTTER! Number ten! Certainly, she’s mad at me, but I all the same will hide nothing about her! The goddess of flight, lady of the bewitched pass, the queen of stars! ”

Tanya twirled a finger by her temple. What is this “queen of stars? ” Yagun was again carried away excessively.

“By the way, the daughter of Leopold Grotter is noted not only for brilliant play in dragonball! She also triumphed over the dreaded sorceress She-Who-Is-No-More! That’s called tossing the troublesome old lady like a football to the stars! ” Bab-Yagun continued to praise her.

Tanya became uncomfortable. Hardly had Yagun mentioned She-Who-Is-No-More and she literally sensed the sets of eyes fastened on her. The stands were looking at her, dozens of cameras of Mag-TV and Latest Magnews were directed at her. The journalists, like frantic cockroaches, scribbled something in their notebooks. Even Gury Puper — also tensely examined her face. He even for some reason ran out of the formation of the Invisibles and now, animatedly waving his hands, hurriedly said something to the comrades of his team.

“What’s he saying? ” Tanya shyly whispered to Liza Zalizina.

Liza was so astonished that she dropped the cuckoo clock. It was the first time for her. This so shook the cuckoo that instead of “cuckoo” it issued: “Guard! Murder! ”

“What, you don’t know? Didn’t read the newspapers? And indeed the history of Puper is terribly similar to yours. He’s also an orphan and also lived with some relatives. Moreover, young Puper courageously fought a malicious black magician bogey persecuting him.”

Tanya sympathetically sighed and sent Gury Puper an air kiss.

“What a nightmare the wretch had to live through! Amazing that he survived. And you don’t wish such to an enemy, ” she said to Liza.

Zalizina nodded, filled her chest full of air, and hurried to lay out everything known to her about Puper and his history. By that time Bab-Yagun had already exhausted all the stock of compliments meant for number ten, and transferred the fire of his verbal artillery to the team of the Invisibles:

“In goal is the dragon Keng-King! A powerful and furious dragon with excellent reflexes — indeed Tararakh understands dragons! And this despite that the dragon Keng-King is sufficiently young — it’s altogether only a contemporary of the Egyptian pyramids.”

Yagun licked his lips and quickly glanced at what was written on his palm serving as his crib sheet.

“Now the very team of the Invisibles! I ask — ha! — to love and not to complain! Number one, captain of the team, Glint, handsome man, although his broom is clearly rather short for such a size. Certainly, I’m not pushing my opinion on anyone. He’s a forward. Number two, O-Phe-Li-A, dragon defence. Interesting, why a silver flute for her? Does she really intend to make music during the match? However, the rules don’t forbid this... Number three — Sheik Spirya, offensive halfback. Yes-yes, a real Arab sheik not finding it dishonourable, however, to play in the English team. By the way, the mama of our Sheik is a normal witch from Anapa, so he has full Slavic roots.”

The Arab sheik with Slavic roots smiled and removed his peaked hat. Likely, mama taught him the Russian language.

“Well so, so he’s from Anapa! Though from Novorossisk! All the same probably won’t play up to us, ” Coffinia Cryptova jealously muttered to herself under her breath.

“Number four — Prince Omelet. Of course it’s a pseudonym, although who knows? He flies, very unusually, on a pair of brooms. A centre line defence wonderfully intercepts bewitched passes. According to rumour he has fallen in love with O-Phe-Li-A. (Will no one suggest how she’s inclined there?) Number five, Gulkind-Nose, dragon defence. Also, apparently, a legionary from the East. A good fellow, although his nose, of course, substantially cuts the airflow. Number seven — Schulson, nicknamed Admiral, forward. They say he disappears almost instantly and throws the balls with amazing accuracy. Number eight — Gury Puper. Jet broom with vertical takeoff! Here’s indeed someone, I think, who needs no introduction! Forward, defence, halfback — whatever you like! The dream of any girl under fourteen! ”

Tanya noticed that Gury Puper winced, and felt a slight sympathy for him. Likely Gury also did not like to attract attention to himself. Finally, Yagun left Puper at peace.

“Number nine, Bad-Fat-Pet — offensive halfback. Quite a short broom — almost like the broom of our Kuzya Tuzikov. But then, if we believe sport periodicals, his broom flies both forward and backward with identical swiftness. Furthermore, a built-in bailout. And finally, number ten — Carolyn Curlo. Very likable girl, although I simply didn’t manage to find out what position she plays and what she does on the field in general. But then she has a very beautiful broom very nicely decorated with ribbons.”

Carolyn Curlo raised her eyebrows and threw a quick sidelong glance at Yagun. Yagun’s protective vest immediately began to crackle like a Geiger counter. Yagun had a fit of coughing, flinched, and nearly swallowed his mouthpiece.

“I beg forgiveness! ” He corrected himself, fighting the cough. “I no longer have questions. Now I know what Carolyn Curlo does on the field and why they keep her on the team! ”

“Time to start! The children are already ready, ” Medusa said, turning to Sardanapal.

The academician nodded and pensively looked at the enormous trophy, something resembling a pot-bellied Tula samovar, which would be handed to the winner.

“Medi, do you have any presentiment which team it will go to? ”

“No, not the least. I even tried to guess, but the cards keep silent, and the blade, instead of cracking, grows meat and changes into a sheep. Some nonsense. As if time goes backwards, ” said docent Gorgonova.

“And I don’t have presentiments either. Agreed, it’s strange. Indeed we’re both not bad prophets, ” the academician said and lightly tapped the moustache attempting to wind around his risen forefinger.

Having enriched the well of world wisdom with this statement, Sardanapal got up decisively. He exchanged glances with the referees, checked out the shielding dome, and let out two orange sparks, which, having inflated to the size of a ball for dragonball, buzzed above the field. Here they languidly froze as if testing the patience of the fans, and suddenly cracked with the sound of a birch log falling into a bonfire.

The final match of “Invisibles — Tibidox” had begun.

Decisively waving the bow, the Tibidox forward Tatiana Grotter, number ten, rushed to the dome. To the right, spurring his roaring vacuum and screaming out something warlike, flew Bab-Yagun. Slightly behind them rushed Seven-Stump-Holes and Rita On-The-Sly. Defenders Katya Lotkova and Kuzya Tuzikov for the time being kept to the lower part of the field and attentively followed the hangars, near which the dragon handlers were fussing to the utmost extent.

But here the heavy gates were thrown open and from them escaped the dragons. Silver scales shimmering, the dragon of the Invisibles provocatively roared. It took a brief run, stroked with the leathery wings, and took off. Not having had time to bounce away, the dragon handlers were toppled by the impact of air from its wings.

“A not so bad ‘most normal dragon! ’” Tanya thought, recalling the words of Gury Puper.

“Hey, they made a fool of us with mercury! They probably also gave it nitro-glycerine to drink, and here I didn’t even guess! You know, such is our lot: cheat all you want, all the same you’ll die honest! ” Contemplating the dragon of the Invisibles, a depressed Tararakh whispered into Vanka’s ear.

Meanwhile Goyaryn also took off, although not so swiftly. — It traced a semicircle above the field, several times, warmed up, flared up with long jets of fire, and calmed down, after allowing its favourite Katya Lotkova to approach.

The referees dragged out the basket with the balls onto the field. They pulled the cover off it and, saving themselves from the dragons, hurriedly rushed into a narrow trapdoor under the magic dome. One referee succeeded in slipping away, but Keng-King caught the other by a leg and sucked him like a piece of spaghetti into its mouth. Must say that dragons, like the majority of the players, cannot stand referees. True, players do not have a right to gastronomic whims. But then such nice antics are willingly overlooked in dragons as in born eccentrics.

“Did you see it? The balls have been released and are attempting to scatter along the field! ” Bab-Yagun shouted. “The Invisibles rush to intercept! They already have the flame-extinguisher ball! Admiral Schulson played brilliantly! Sheik Spirya and Tatiana Grotter are simultaneously fixed upon the pepper ball! Tanya deftly goes on top around Spirya, skilfully pushing aside his broom using a head wind. Spirya turns, and he begins to curse, confusing Arabic words with Russian! Tanya already stretches out her hand to the ball, but what’s this? The ball suddenly disappears! I don’t understand! Where did it go? ” Yagun shouted, turning his head.

Suddenly Gury Puper appeared ten metres above and with explicit mockery threw open the invisible raincoat. Under the raincoat he had the pepper ball

Mocking, Puper waved his hand at Tanya, wrapped himself in the raincoat, and disappeared.

“It’s dishonest! Why don’t we have invisible raincoats or at least pants with a propeller? And on the whole, put yourself in the place of a spectator! Is it really interesting for him to watch an invisible idol? ” The playing commentator howled with outrage, personally involved in a fight for the sneeze ball.

Continually changing direction, the sneeze ball looped between the dragons, and after it, tongues hanging out from zeal, flew Bad-Fat-Pet and Seven-Stump-Holes. Bad-Fat-Pet strived to muffle himself in the invisible raincoat, but an edge of the raincoat was unfortunately tucked under the broom and now a head wind inflated it.

Yagun succeeded first. After intercepting the sneeze ball, he sent a bewitched pass to Liza Zalizina. Someone from the Invisibles attempted to intercept the ball in flight, but did not guess the counter-spell.

“How unfortunate! It seems it was Gulkind-Nose! In any case, they’re now carrying namely him off the field! Nose probably didn’t have a granny, who would have told him in childhood: ‘Think first, then grab! ’” Yagun sympathized.

His magic cloak again began to flicker. Carolyn Curlo threw her best sidelong glance at the animated commentator. And in the following moment Liza Zalizina, lengthening an arm for the ball and shouting Tsap-tsaraps, flew off her clock and was hanging by the shawl-parachute.

“What, Liza, didn’t you see my sign? It had to be Leos-zafindileos! ’” Yagun began to yell. “Eh, in vain I rejoiced maliciously! Bombed two with one stroke! ”

Trying not to listen to Yagun confusing her with his rattling, Tanya purposefully chased after the immobilize ball. So far it was dodging successfully, leaving all pursuers empty-handed. Looping, the girl almost seized the immobilize ball, but Bad-Fat-Pet deftly cut her off. While she was moving away from the collision, the ball slipped away. An instant — and now, tiny as a pea, it was already buzzing at the other end of the field.

Bad-Fat-Pet saluted mockingly, wrapped himself up in the raincoat, and disappeared.

“Prince Omelet... Again Schulson... A blind pass into the dead zone! The entire team works only on Gury! Yes, this fellow is a pro, although it’s also not particularly pleasant for me to acknowledge this! ” Yagun shouted heatedly.

Unnoticeably sneaking up to Goyaryn, Puper threw the pepper ball at its mouth. Chance saved it from a sure goal. Goyaryn had its head turned slightly, dreamily examining the plump, appetizing referee, flickering on his striped vacuum from the outer side of the dome.

The pepper ball struck the dragon on the scaly lip and bounced. Spurring the jet broom, Kuzya Tuzikov caught the rebound and passed the ball to Seven-Stump-Holes.

“Seven-Stump-Holes attacks Keng-King with the pepper ball! Outstanding breakthrough into the middle zone! Stump beats O-Phe-Li-A and deftly moves away from the glance of Carolyn Curlo! Keng-King lets out a jet of fire, but Stump dodges, diving under the vacuum by the basic dragonball manoeuvre of a riding trick! He swings and throws the ball accurately into the goal!!! Nothing can save the Invisibles from the goal! The mouth of the dragon — outstanding target! Go-oa... Oh no, I don’t believe it! Again Puper! By some mysterious manner he had time to cross the entire field and invisibly lurked directly before the nose of their dragon! It turned out that Stump involuntarily gave a pass to him! Gury has the pepper ball again! And Keng-King slammed shut its mouth and now furiously pursues Seven-Stump-Holes... Save yourself, Stump! This fire-spitting snake is already hanging by your tail! Dive down! ”

Tanya noticed that the captain Glint had become visible for a short time and gave O-Phe-Li-A a sign. O-Phe-Li-A brought the silver flute up to her lips and began to play. Keng-King stopped chasing Seven-Stump-Holes skilfully moving away from its attacks, and, instantly reorganizing its tactics, fired at the tarrying Coffinia.

The jet of flame passed more left than necessary, but the hose of the vacuum nevertheless flamed up. From the hose the fire leaped to the fuel tank, setting on fire the barabashka dandruff, mermaid scales, and small rubbish. Attempting to bring down the flame, Coffinia began to twitch and dropped the flask with the love potion according to Queen Cleopatra’s recipe.

Since the beginning of the game she held this flask under her arm, waiting for an opportunity to pour it onto Puper. Hitting against the metallic side of the vacuum, the flask broke. The love potion was spilled like an invigorating shower onto Sheik Spirya, who, not suspecting anything, was flashing by several metres below.

The passionate sheik with Slavic roots in amazement licked off several of the drops that had fallen onto his face and — was done for. In the next minute he, slobbering, already rushed along the field and tried to capture Coffinia into his raincoat.

Carolyn Curlo, dying of jealousy, pounded on everyone indiscriminately — her own teammates and the others. Brooms smoked. Vacuums shook like epileptics, ejecting alcoholic steam instead of fish scales.

“Well, and to hell with him, what a sheik! All the same a foreigner! Main thing for me is to get to the boundary and there I’ll pour at least a bucket of love potion onto Puper, ” reflected Coffinia, smoothly swinging with the shawl-parachute.

Solving global vital problems, Cryptova had slightly renounced reality. She remembered Keng-King only when an enormous shadow shielded her from the sun.

“Ah-ah-ah! ” Coffinia began to scream in a voice not her own.

“Keng-King swallows Coffinia Cryptova with an appetite. The team of Tibidox is now represented by eight players against nine players of the Invisibles. But, a strange thing, Sheik Spirya for some reason is sobbing and hitting their dragon with the pointed hat! ” Yagun reported.

The match continued. The Invisibles crowded the Tibidox players along the entire field. And the most annoying thing was that the opposition players were almost not visible. Only now and then first here, then there flickered a ball, which the Invisibles pulled out from under their raincoats only for several seconds to make a pass. Then the ball was intercepted by a player turning up at the necessary place, and again the “goal” of Tibidox roared woefully, blindly shooting fire at the forwards of the opposition.

Tanya could not get away from the sensation that they were making fools of them. They were jeering at them. They did not take them seriously. They were playing with them like a cat with a mouse. Twice Puper appeared in teasing proximity of her, threw open the raincoat and mockingly showed the ball. And every time Tanya was angry that there was nothing for her to fling at him.

“Go-al! Scored into the “goal” of Tibidox, I’m mad! Goyaryn swallows the sneeze ball! ” Bab-Yagun began to moan, “I didn’t even notice the throw itself! For sure it wasn’t managed here without Puper! Yes, so it is! Just now Gury materialized under the dome and, smiling, bows in all directions. The group of support roars triumphantly and laughs at our sneezing dragon! 2: 0! The Invisibles lead... And why is that so! When will we begin to play? ”

Sweeping by up high under the magic dome in a vain pursuit of a ball, Tanya by chance threw a glance at the judicial stand. Sardanapal was sitting with such a sad look that it seemed he would now hang himself with his own beard. Medusa Gorgonova was looking sternly and severely, crossing her arms on her chest. Tararakh, in order to relieve stress, destroyed smoked pork ribs with his strong teeth and absent-mindedly flung the bones into the trophy.

Dentistikha was holding two knitting needles. Now and then they began to shudder and turn swiftly. Whatever you may say, the moronoids did not at all invent the first scanner of evil eye!

Nightingale O. Robber, having already quit the trainer’s bench long ago, ran limping along the dome. The son of Odikhmantev whistled with two fingers, attempting to attract the attention of Kuzya Tuzikov, who had flown too far away from Goyaryn.

“Where to? Stand by it, guard it! Keep your head! ” Nightingale shouted.

After discovering that Tuzikov did not hear him, the trainer stopped restraining himself and whistled at full force. He whistled in such a way that a gust tore away the hats of a third of the spectators, and one fundamentally deaf magician from a remote place suddenly gained hearing. And did he ever! To hear the beating heart of a grasshopper at a distance of a thousand kilometres became a trifling matter for him!

“The hats! Have you forgotten what I taught you! All their tactics are tied to them! Disrupt the formation! ” Nightingale yelled.

The suddenly thinking Tibidox team came to their senses and succeeded in overcoming confusion. This happened partly because of Tanya, managing to intercept the pepper ball, which O-Phe-Li-A passed to Prince Omelet, and partly by the efforts of Rita On-The-Sly, who did everything inappropriately.

“No, did you see this! On-The-Sly turns the pedals of her balalaika! She flies wherever, bumps into anyone, and generally seems to realize with difficulty what she is creating. And all this — without violating the rules! From where does she know, after all, that in her path there happens to be some Invisibles! ” A happy Bab-Yagun overstrained himself. “Katya Lotkova throws her the flame-extinguisher ball! What an absurd, unpredictable, long pass, nevertheless excellently caught, but... not by Rita, but by Zhora Zhikin! Must admit, today Zhikin manages his nervous mop very well. But what’s there at the other end of the field? My granny mama! Damien Goryanov attacks quite nicely the enemy’s dragon. True, he has no ball, but, you’ll agree, this nevertheless distracts! The behaviour of team Tibidox contradicts its usual logic! The usual tactics of the Invisibles begins to fail! The Invisibles are forced to drop the raincoats and play in the open! Not bad already! ”

Pressing the pepper ball tightly against her chest, Tanya rushed to Keng-King. The dragon of the Invisibles behaved suspiciously quietly, and suddenly Tanya understood the reason for this calmness! In front of the nose of Keng-King an invisible Gury Puper was for sure hanging and patiently waiting till a ball was presented to him.

“Well okay, Puper! You want the ball — catch! ” Tanya muttered.

Pretending that any minute now she would make a throw, she left the “dead zone” and, falling into the field of Keng-King’s sight, she began to tease him with quick shifts. Losing patience, Keng-King breathed fire. Something flared up in the air. Someone began to yell, and Tanya understood that she had guessed correctly. An Invisible was actual hanging in front of King’s nose. But... alas, it was not Puper but merely Prince Omelet, using the same tactics.

“Smoking, Prince Omelet fell down onto the field, exactly like a shooting star! His broom blazes, set afire by their own dragon! ” Bab-Yagun strained himself. “I hope Prince was smeared with vampire bile, otherwise he’ll become an omelette in the true sense of the word. Dropping turquoise tears, O-Phe-Li-A accompanies Omelet with a sad look. Two brigades of medical orderlies, interfering with each other and pushing stretchers, are already hurrying to Omelet. Oh, what do I see! Tatiana Grotter throws her double bass into an attack on the dragon and confidently throws the pepper ball into Keng-King’s mouth! Go-al! The stands are making noise! Our fans are shouting, firecrackers are exploding, and in general a full bedlam! Slander Slanderych doesn’t manage to write down the felons in his little notebook! 2: 5! Now Tibidox is already leading! Keng-King begins to hiccup convulsively! At first from its mouth flies out the swallowed referee, immediately responsibly starting the performance of his duties, and Coffinia follows after him! Hardly finding herself on the sand, Cryptova roughly pushes the medical orderlies aside, reaches for a mirror, and begins to repair her make-up. Sheik Spirya is already there. He’s spinning nearby, very likely he’ll trip over his own tongue. Interesting, what does Gunya Glomov think about this? ”

While Bab-Yagun hurried to acquaint the entire magic world with the complex internal world of Gunya Glomov, Gury Puper did not lose time for nothing. Katya Lotkova only had time to yell, when he suddenly appeared beside her and threw open his raincoat. In the next second the flame-extinguisher ball was already in the mouth of Goyaryn.

FLASH! — Instead of terrible fire from the mouth of the Tibidox dragon inoffensive smoke poured out. And Gury already slid along the shielding dome and waved his hat at his worshippers.

“5: 5! The Invisibles tied the score! ” Bab-Yagun reported without special enthusiasm. “And once again already remain in the game the two briskest and most unpredictable balls — stun and immobilize.”

Meanwhile the captain of the Invisibles Glint again appeared in the middle of the field and started to signal something quickly to O-Phe-Li-A.

“How do you like that, here they’ve arranged Morse code! ” Tanya thought indignantly, observing how he was waving his arms.

O-Phe-Li-A squinted absent-mindedly. For a while she clearly did not understand what was wanted from her, and then she nodded and started to play something softly on the flute. Keng-King first froze in the air like it was bewitched, and then started to shoot short fiery spittle at the Tibidox players.

Kuzya Tuzikov’s broom flared up. Rita On-The-Sly hastily turned the pedals of her balalaika, hurrying to leave the firing zone.

“It’s against the rules to stir up dragons! Why doesn’t Sardanapal hand out a penalty? ” Tanya shouted indignantly.

“Here Medusa also said the same to him. And you know what Sardanapal answered: ‘And you try to prove that she stirs it up! Maybe she’s simply playing on the flute? The type: I cannot live without music? ’ Here everything is cunningly thought out, ” said someone.

Turning to the voice, Tanya saw Lieutenant Rzhevakii. The spectre, dressed in the short uniform of the infantry, was hanging in the air, sitting on a hussar saddle with stirrups dangling.

“Watch that Slander doesn’t hurl a Briskus at you! ” Tanya said.

“You hurt my feelings! He doesn’t see me! No one except you sees me! Do you think only the Invisibles are capable of playing all these tricks? ” The brash spectre complacently smirked.

A helpful thought flickered in Tanya:

“Rzhevakii, would you be able to play a little on the flute? ” She asked.

The Lieutenant squinted.

“In general, I respect the drum more! It has, you understand, a tender sound...” he began.

“But drums aren’t needed here! Come here! ” Tanya impatiently shouted, reckoning that now was not the time for delirious stories.

She beckoned the spectre to her and started to whisper something quietly. Rzhevakii smiled in understanding and dissolved in the air. His empty saddle dangled in solitude for a while, with stirrups sadly tinkling, and then also disappeared somewhere.

For a while nothing happened, only Puper, bending down to his broom, was chasing the immobilize ball, and Seven-Stump-Holes was tinkering with a fire extinguisher, helping Tuzikov to put out his broom.

“My granny mama! ” Bab-Yagun suddenly began to yell. “Did you see it? O-Phe-Li-A drops her flute! The flute begins to play by itself! What nightmarish sounds, I’ll go deaf! Even a bagpipe gone balmy sounds more pleasant than that! O-Phe-Li-A covers her ears. But what’s happening with Keng-King? It fussily twirled on the spot as if the stun ball is already in its throat! Fiery spittle flies away along the entire field! The players of Tibidox rush in different directions, and here the Invisibles turned out to be unready for the attack of their dragon!

“Admiral Schulson’s broom flares up like a match! Schulson screams out something, shaking his fist. Sure it’s an appeal to fans with the request to treat everything with humour... Still fierier spittle... Really? Yes, so it is! Gury Puper throws down the blazing raincoat. Without the raincoat it won’t be so simple for Puper to accomplish his outstanding breakaways! Carolyn Curlo... Oh the poor wretch! When their dragon chased her, she in fright cut into the magic dome.

“Unlucky medical orderlies! They’re carrying her off the field on stretchers, continually twitching from the powerful evil eye... Excellent! Now the Invisibles cannot deny that their flute was bewitched! Oh, what’s this? Again Puper! He intercepts the flute and returns it to a flustered O-Phe-Li-A. At the same time he shouts Briskus-quickus and someone — I would like to know who! — with a loud slap is pulled into the sand! The match continues, but already without Schulson and Carolyn Curlo... By the way, Granny, be more cautious with this girl there in magic station! Or better put her next to Cryptova, interesting, who’ll gain the upper hand? ”

Tanya waved the bow and gained altitude sharply, attempting to intercept the stun ball from captain Glint. At the same time she not without admiration observed Gury Puper, who, already playing without the raincoat, went beautifully around from below Seven-Stump-Holes and Zhikin, trying to cut him off from the immobilize ball. Zhikin got too excited, almost falling under his propeller, but the vacuum of Seven-Stump-Holes, although he manoeuvred it skilfully, was clearly inferior to Puper in speed.

Turning to Medusa in order to share with her his valuable observations about the match, Sardanapal by chance toppled the trophy over. Bones fell near his feet. The for-life and posthumous head of Tibidox stared dejectedly at them.

“How to understand this? It’s indeed a real rotten trick! ” Turning red, he shouted.

Tararakh drowsily began to blink and very quietly moved to the side, pretending that he was extremely interested in a nail crookedly driven into the wooden handrail of the stand. If one listened, it was possible to hear as the pithecanthropus growled: “You’d think, never this, never that! Downright not a school but some concentration camp! ”

Captain Glint reached the stun ball first. Seizing it, he rushed to Goyaryn, but fell under the oncoming attack of the Tibidox dragon’s wing. It spun Glint around and hurled him away to the other end of the field. The ball was intercepted by Tanya. Preparing it for a throw, she attacked Keng-King. Convinced that it would be impossible to fly around the defence of the Invisibles crowding in front of it, Tanya moved away from the flame and sent a quick bewitched pass to Bab-Yagun.

And again Gury Puper appeared from who knows where between her and Yagun. Muttering the counter-spell, he intercepted the ball literally from under the nose of the playing commentator and rushed to Goyaryn.

Katya Lotkova hung onto the dragon’s neck, entreating it not to open its mouth. But Puper was too experienced. As Goyaryn did not restrain itself, it was doomed. Moreover, Gury contrived in flight to unbutton his sports overalls and demonstrated the white soccer shirt in little red spots — the most inciting and enraging colour combination for dragons!

Alas, dragons, even the wisest, are not known for patience. Hot temper has ruined them now for ten thousand years. Goyaryn began to roar from rage and threw open its mouth, convinced that the speeding Gury would turn up in its stomach. However, instead of Puper in the mouth, only a ball flew in it. Gury himself skilfully looped and dodged from the heavy notched tail, by which Goyaryn, already experiencing the action of stun magic, tried to nail him.

“6: 5! The Invisibles have pulled ahead! And I’m a complete moron... Good that I’m not a moronoid! ” Bab-Yagun concluded despondently.

Scolding herself for the awkward pass, Tanya soared above the field, where all the remaining Invisibles and the players of Tibidox were already roaming about. Now it had already almost become a tradition that when only the most elusive immobilize ball remained in the game, everything depended on who could catch it first...

“Well! Well! ” She whispered, continually changing the direction of flight and vigilantly looking all around.

And... here something flickered to the left and slightly higher. The immobilize ball — the last ball of the game!

Tanya turned the double bass around. In her ears the wind whined like a freezing puppy. It seemed to Tanya that her double bass had never advanced with such speed before. Extending like an arrow in order to grip the ball, she already stretched herself to it, when suddenly she understood that directly towards her — forehead to forehead — rushed Gury Puper, who was striving for the same ball.

Neither one wanted to back off. Gury’s pupils were enlarged. He understood that the obstinate girl would not turn and his manoeuvre, calculated for the weak nerves of the enemy, failed, but it was already too late to do anything. The stands froze. Everyone jumped to their feet. Even the dragons, already almost grappling, at once turned their necks.

When the double bass and the broom collided, the distinct sound of a broken rope resounded in the dead silence hanging over the stadium...